Severe gender disappointment

[Birminghambabe]

Just read a thread about wether girl babies are preferable to boy babies.

Some comments made me think - if you are so dead set against a certain sex, should you be risking having children? I have seen some videos of people going mental that they’ve just found out they’re having a baby of the sex they didn’t want. Or saying they’d have an abortion if they had the sex they didn’t want.

I agree sex preference is so normal, I’m not talking about having a preference but still knowing you’d love the child either way.

Exactly. What a skewed logic🤔

Gender reveals are so weird. I went to one. It's a girl.
great, so what exactly am I meant to say,
I'm so pleased for you, or am I. Did you want a girl? Oh, you had no preference. So why the feck are we all here holding pink balloons.
Then some neighbour. He must be so disappointed she can only produce girls,
Yea, good job she's not married to Henry V111
Is he that guy from the school run,
Time to go home to my gender diverse household.
Never again

It’s often a preference for a girl isn’t it? That I’ve seen anyway, here in UK.

Sure there’s wayyyyy more clothes choice! But in all seriousness, I genuinely don’t understand it.

I think a slight preference of some sort is common though, as long as it’s not an actual obsession.

I have 1 year old DS.
Convinced myself he was a girl before the scans, probably to get used to the idea since I secretly hoped he was a boy. Just a little.
I think for me that slight bias was linked to a poor relationship with my own mother.

I adore my boy, my DH idolises him.
DH was similar to me and had a slight preference for a boy as he’s from a family with all brothers etc.

Had he been a girl, would have made no difference at all to how wanted and loved they are.

We hope for a second soon. I have 0 preference whatsoever and will be happy either way

But the amount of people who go “ooooh I bet you hope for a girl next, one of each!”.
Why? 😂

Can anyone explain this current 'trend' (for want of a better word) of so many people preferring girls? Where did it come from? Is it simply because they are instamums who want to dress up the kid in pretty dresses and headbands, or what? I just don't get it?

My mother would have much preferred a boy (she had the daft notion that all boys adore their mums and dote on them forevermore), but back then there was no way to tell pre-birth. Also, abortion was illegal so no choice regardless.

If they are that bothered I guess they could just bring them up as the gender they were hoping for…..

Some babies and children are just ''Easy'', good natured and nice to be around {Generally!} These are lovely children, no matter wether girls or boys.

Character and good nature is the most important.

Neighbour's daughter is lovely- She's only two, but was sweet natured from the get go.

Character is the defining thing {For me at least}.
I wanted a boy - and was lucky enough to get one {Only had one child through choice}..His teen years could be a bit 'Eeek' at times, but girls can be just as tricky in teen years from what I have seen.

I really, really wanted a girl. For quite shallow reasons tbh - I'd just always imagined having girls as a child, plus my siblings all had boys, my husband's children from his first wife are boys - I didn't want there to be any comparison. And my DH and I couldn't agree on any boy names.

I felt guilty feeling this way and really tried to work on my feelings and understand why I felt that way. To the extent that when I found out it was indeed a girl I felt guilty for wishing away the son I never had. Seems ridiculous now.

Anyway, if my DD had a boy I would feel nothing but happiness. I would just be glad she got through labour safely. If I had another baby now myself I think I have no preference.

It's sad that some people struggle to have a children. Obviously the baby being healthy is the most important thing. Still, gender disappointment is human 🤷‍♀️

Gender preference to a certain degree is expected and normal.

But those who go to extremes saying they are “devastated” that their healthy unborn baby is male/female are just plain odd in my opinion and probably not ready to be parents. It also seems a bit dumb to me, you know when you try for a baby there is a 50/50 chance so it’s not like it’s some hideous shock that you can’t possibly have expected or anticipated.

I’ve had enough friends who struggled with conceiving or have lost babies to think it’s ridiculous and incredibly selfish and stupid. I bet their devastation would soon disappear into thin air if they had something genuinely concerning to worry about.

I’m pregnant with DS2 and was actually apologised to by a check in agent at the airport a few months ago when she asked what I was having and I said a boy.. she even went as far as to tell me she was “one of the lucky ones” who got “her boy and her girl”.. I think I was too shocked to even reply to her.

My 2 year old son is a little dream (most the time!) and I can’t understand how I could feel disappointed to be having another!? A DD would’ve been lovely.. being pregnant with another DS is lovely.

I really can’t get my head around the comment from the user saying she’s glad when someone she doesn’t like is pregnant with a boy… very very odd!

Probably won't ever have children myself, but if I do, it will definitely be daughters only! I have no desire, inclination etc etc to raise any sons. There is no cosmic "need" to raise a child of a particular gender.

Right, so for someone like me, who had a DD who passed away (my first born), I’m self centred and profoundly stupid then to have been terribly disappointed when I found out at 16 weeks that DS2 was a boy, having hoped for another girl instead? I now have two boys at home who are wonderful and I love them to death.

But maybe I am stupid to have wanted DS2 to be a girl and to still hold some loss and disappointment in my heart that I don’t have the daughter I should have had here with me.
Honestly I’m not sure that disappointment will ever fully go away.

It’s not all cut and dry and black and white and people who are disappointed are just idiots who should be grateful to have a child. That’s a very narrow minded, insensitive point of view.

@Birminghambabe

I'm trying for a child at the moment - just went through a miscarriage sadly - and both my husband and I are completely blank slates as to the sex of a child/ children.

I've worked with children, from 0 to post uni (obviously adults then 🤣) and they're all wonderful (with some terrors).

If I carry a child with a chromosomal abnormality though, I will abort. Some people may not like me for saying that, but I've also worked with children with severe disabilities, and if there's a way to opt out of that life then I will.

I agree.

Happy to be called a NAMALT stooge, whatever, but there's a truly demented vein of anti-male sentiment on MN that is horrible to see, and I can't see women who feel that way doing a competent job of raising a girl.

(if you're upset by that opinion - well, maybe that's fair enough given how I feel about horrible opinions expressed about boys when I am carrying one)

My half brother was fucked up by his abusive dad. But my incredibly gentle and caring dad gave me the right template to pick my gentle and caring husband, who is going to be a fantastic dad to our son.

I think a lot of the time you don't realise you will be disappointed until the time you find out what you're having. With baby number 1 I didn't find out, had a girl. Baby number 2 I wanted another girl. All of my friends had sisters they were close to, I was an only child so didn't have that and I loved the idea of DD having a BFF for life (and before anyone says I am well aware they may not even have got on). Anyway I was a little disappointed when I was told we were having a boy. But only for like a day. He's now 18 months old and loves his big sister to bits and she does him. But until I was told I didn't realise how disappointed I would be. Like I say though it didn't last so I presume this thread isn't aimed at people like me, but it's not that simple to say those that have a preference shouldn't have a baby.

@Shefliesonherownwings

I'm really sorry for your loss, that must have been incredibly painful and it's understandable that you had a feeling of disappointment like this in this situation.

However, I stand by my comment that in general (except for circumstances like yours where there is a clear mitigation) anyone who has an extremely negative reaction to the idea that they might have a baby of one or the other sex is very unwise to be seeking to conceive. On the basis that there's a 50% chance you will get the sex you don't want it seems a very high risk gambit.

Well said and as the mum of boys I agree.

Wow, do people really terminate because of gender disappointment? Shocking. And disgusting.

Deep down I knew I wanted a boy, so did my husband. But if we had a girl, I would never even let this thought reach the surface. We would be equally happy, as long as baby girl was fine. Having a boy was just another dream coming true, that's it. I definitely wouldn't be devastated, going mental or considering abortion. For me it's just pulling your lucky string, I could never do it.

Sex not gender.

I think it’s awful when people do this: so unfair on the poor child, and the parents out themselves as very selfish people in my view.

Like I say though it didn't last so I presume this thread isn't aimed at people like me, but it's not that simple to say those that have a preference shouldn't have a baby

Most people acknowledged that general or fleeting preferences are normal. It’s the extreme “I want to abort” “I’m utterly devastated” “I won’t/can’t bond with a boy/girl” attitudes that we are finding odd. I knew someone who said they “wanted to walk into traffic” when they found out they were having a boy. She had a very very prescribed vision of what her mythical daughter would be like, which isn’t really healthy. What happens when the daughter/son doesn’t fulfil their expectations? Kids pick up on that

Both of us wanted boys, but wouldn't have been disappointed with a girl. We have 2 boys and admittedly, if we had a third and I could pick, I'd choose another boy.
I definitely wouldn't be gutted/devastated or whatever with a girl. To be completely honest I may feel a little disappointed and quickly get over it, but then again I'm almost sure I'd just be glad the baby was healthy, whatever it was.

She'll still be female and I'm assumIng it's the genetic issues associated with male babies she's avoiding...

I'm surprised people cate what they're having. The child will decide for itself in this day and age anyway. I hear unicorn pirates are currently in! light hearted but true!

kind of ironic that said person is a good advert for having boys 😂