Severe gender disappointment

[Birminghambabe]

Just read a thread about wether girl babies are preferable to boy babies.

Some comments made me think - if you are so dead set against a certain sex, should you be risking having children? I have seen some videos of people going mental that they’ve just found out they’re having a baby of the sex they didn’t want. Or saying they’d have an abortion if they had the sex they didn’t want.

I agree sex preference is so normal, I’m not talking about having a preference but still knowing you’d love the child either way.

Yeah I saw that post too. She was very extreme though (pitied people with boys, wished boys on people she didn't like etc). I think that person's issues run deeper than standard gender disappointment.

When I was first pregnant I really wanted a girl. Had a gender scan and it was boy. Couldn’t have cared less!! I wasn’t bothered at all and was relieved because I’d felt sure I’d have been disappointed with baby not being a girl but I really wasn’t.

I knew a woman who used to say to her two little boys "I didn't want you two, did I? Boys are horrible, I always wanted a girl". When her third was a girl I expected a little princess who was doted upon. I felt very sorry for the boys. In fact she dressed her in her brothers' cast off clothes, and paid very little attention to her. She shouldn't have had any children at all, in my opinion.

YaNBU. I agree.

I can’t get my head around sex disappointment. Children are so individual and will chose however they wish to express their gender

I have 4 boys, I would also like a girl. I’d just like to experience both. I don’t think that makes me a bad person or “an asshole” as someone said up thread 🤷‍♀️

I totally agree. Not to mention profoundly stupid.

You get these really depressing threads on here from time to time from a poster with a moron for a husband who "wanted a footballer" and is pushing the OP to try for another baby when they got a girl. It's only a few steps from this to murdering girls at birth.

I honestly think people with such a limited grasp of biology and such reductionist views on the sexes would be better off not reproducing.

It's something I personally don't understand. I have two boys and love them so much and can't imagine them any differently. I never cared whether they were boys or girls. I'm also done now, feel complete with them. No desire to "try for a girl". But maybe that's because I tried for 4 years for my first (needed IVF), then my second was a natural surprise. So I was just happy to be having healthy children I thought I'd never have.

I agree, I think it's mental and shows just what kind of parents they'll be.

I just don’t get it - why does it matter what you have. A healthy baby is surely what people want.
I had the feeling from several people that I had been unlucky to have a boy and that girls were better. I felt it was that it was down to boys being harder work stereotypically.
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I agree. Its one thing to have a general preference - thats normal, but to say extreme things like you want to abort if its the wrong gender is gross and repulsive. Those people should not be parents if they cannot hide their revulsion at the gender of their own child. It also makes me wonder what kind of draconian, rigid expectations they are going to have even if they do get the gender they want. Its concerning.

99% of the time it’s just a preference and they are fine with whatever it is though. It’s v rare - and obviously high level appalling - when people aren’t.

Yikes- thats awful. But to me, that indicates deep rooted psych issues.

I had a panic with my second, would have preferred another girl. But I loved him so much when he was young, funnily enough, the things that my fears were based on have kind of come true though, unlike my daughter who is very communicative, he is so monosyllabic. It's so hard to get him to talk to me.

It's so all-encompassing having children. It's a huge sacrifice, I don't think it's unreasonable to have a vision of how you'd like it to be, a strong unit, made up of strong individuals who are communicative, supportive, funny, affectionate. I read about husbands and fathers who ''check out''. I feel that my son checked out at about 13 and at 17, he's still very absent. But, it is what it is, you can't control it.

I have a friend who had 5 !!! boys in the desperate quest to have a girl. Her 6th child was a girl and was dressed in pink and frills from head to foot. She is now 27 and a masc lesbian who has just celebrated her marriage. She and her wife wore masculine suits at the event. They are definitely women. Neither wishes to transition in any way whatsoever. The daughter my friend had is a wonderful young woman but isn't shopping and lunching with her mother in the way her mother hoped. She certainly isn't wearing pretty mother/ daughter dress combos for ladies day at the races.

It is because people project what having that specific sex would be like;
ie have a girl, who you can dress in pretty dresses, who'll go shopping with you; share make up, etc
or have a boy, play football, rough and tumble; etc
Whereas the reality can be very different.
My niece has a son, severely autistic; I think just having a healthy baby is the only thing that matters.

I agree with OP, but some replies seem to not understand gender disappointment at all. For some it can be such a complex issue and I wouldn’t judge someone for experiencing it.

We had 2 girls. If we could have chosen, our third would have been a boy.
As it turned out we got DD3 10 years later. Gave thanks and moved on with our lives.

I had a distinct preference for a girl with my first child. He was a boy, and he was (is) the most wonderful, fabulous, brilliant, spectacular boy ever born, and I wouldn't change him for a million girls. He is in his 20s and the other DC still complain that I suffer from PFB syndrome where he is concerned probably true

If you genuinely couldn't bear to have a child of the 'wrong' sex, you should perhaps not be having children.

Why?

I had scans for medical reasons when they weren't standard. They wouldn't tell me the sex as it was against NHS policy as sone cultures would abort a foetus of the "wrong" sex.

Yes, exactly. It feels like those who have ridiculously extreme aversions to a certain gender have clearly mapped out their preferred gender's entire lives for them in advance- their personality/interests/appearance/job/future reproductive choices etc

Its natural to have a future vision of your child but the insistence on a certain gender indicates that they would freak the fck out if their daughter decided to be a tomboy or not have kids of her own, or was gay etc I dread to think how those people would react to that after years and years of imagining this "perfect" scenario of their "perfect" daughter (or son).

Why have you started another thread instead of posting on that thread.

When my little one was born i was desperate to have a son for many reasons.

However when my daughter arrived i was completely blown away by her and now i cant imagine having anything else but a girl (we were only able to have oner child for a few reasons).

I get the preference, i was there, but ultimately so long as the baby and mother get through it all safely i dont really think it matters.

I had prenatal depression caused by the death of a parent and had a very strong negative reaction to the sex of my child which I found out due to some testing I had to have because of some risks in my pregnancy.

I can remember the exact moment I realised how much I loved my child regardless.

Nothing is every do black and white