To take my daughter’s pocket money off her?

[Badabingy]

So yesterday I travelled 300 miles to see my 80 year old dad. He’s frail, and because of the distance (and work/ kids) we don’t see each other often - couple of times a year.
In the middle of lunch with him and my brother/ his family, my phone started to ping. 14 year old daughter and husband had had an argument about her refusing to take the dog out (a dog he conceded in getting on the basis he wasn’t responsible for it). He told her that if she didn’t walk the dog he wouldn’t be paying for her hair to be cut that afternoon. This was an appointment I’d made for her with my own hairdresser. She started to call/ text me constantly (angry rather than upset). I reminded her I was at lunch with her grandad, said she needed to take it up with her dad, and to cancel the appointment if she wasn’t going (I sent her the number). I also told my husband this, and because the angry texts from her were stressing and distracting me I turned my phone off.
She didn’t go to the hairdressers, no one cancelled it, and so I told her her pocket money would be zero until she’s paid for it (I’m going to call the hairdressers tomorrow when they are open and apologise and pay).
Things have escalated today- she’s screamed at me about her pocket money (I ended up taking her phone away), and called me a lazy cow for not organising her birthday party (I’d asked her weeks ago what she wanted to do and it was just last week she actually made a decision- I hadn’t sorted as I’d been at work and then away all yesterday. I told her if she was going to talk to me like that there was no way I was organising or indeed paying for a birthday party- it’s not an entitlement and we already have a day out planned as a family on her actual birthday).
I feel really miserable- things have got completely out of control. I’m really annoyed with my husband too because his bad handling of the situation yesterday led to this, but I’m now the focus of all her anger.
not sure what to do? Maybe I just ride it out.
am I being unreasonable to take her pocket money off her?
(btw I’m not averse to her earning money by doing jobs around the house so it’s not as though she’s got no means to get money if she needs it).

Of course, legally that would be the case, and of course had I refused then my parents would have had to ensure the pony was cared for (until it could be sold). But it doesn't mean it was unreasonable for them to expect me to take responsibility and uphold the commitment I had made. And had I refused, it would have been more than acceptable for them to impose whatever sanction they deemed appropriate.

The responsibility is a bit of a red herring though in this situation, as even had the daughter not suggested she would help care for the dog, it would not be unreasonable for her father to ask her to walk it.

The responsibility is a bit of a red herring though in this situation, as even had the daughter not suggested she would help care for the dog, it would not be unreasonable for her father to ask her to walk it

I agree that it's not unreasonable for her to walk it as part of her chores - what's unreasonable is that she's now being made to pay for a haircut she never booked to begin with because her dad came up with a silly punishment.

I agree (and I said in my first post) that it was a silly punishment, but only because it wasn't fair on the hairdresser, as it's not something that could be cancelled without consequence to somebody completely innocent in the situation.

I don't think it's unfair that she's having to pay the costs from her pocket money though. She had a choice, all she had to do to a. Have the haircut and b. Not have to pay for it - is get up and help her dad walk the dog. He didn't spring the consequences on her as a surprise after she refused, she was aware of what would happen if she didn't do what he'd asked and she made an active decision not to comply regardless.

I think her Dad should have dealt with this really without you having to be disturbed. He's the grown up.

I don't think it's unfair that she's having to pay the costs from her pocket money though

We'll have to agree to disagree.

Her mum booked the haircut and dad agreed to take her and pay. That was the agreement. It wasn't a case of "I'll only take you if you walk the dog" - that was a random condition added on at the last minute because dad didn't want her sat in bed on her phone all morning.

Dad issued the last-minute ultimatum therefore dad should pay.