Competitive school mum copies everything I do with my dc. Aibu to stop sharing info on out lives?

[Lightningstrikess]

A school mum I thought was a friend copies everything I do with my dc! She has children in my kids classes.
When we meet for a coffee the talk is all about the dc's progress.. My dc & hers are all in the top sets. If I said I was doing something with the dc they do it too always.. She quizzes my dc's on playdates & I feel she thinks mine are direct competition to hers.
Has anyone dealt with a similar parent?

I had a school mum "friend" our kids were best friends initially. Very much shared interests of their own choice. I began to notice if I posted something on social media for my family to see they would post the next step on, then I posted something I did and the mum posted same day something to almost to try to out do me, would be potentially outing to say what. If they did a test, grilled for results by the child and at one time even the dad trying to think of words my dc couldn't spell to put them back in place, eventually the child turned from friend to bully putting them down constantly.
Very odd behaviour all round, I would stop the coffees and sharing information tbh. I still look back and think wtf!

I'd be so tempted to do this 🤣🤣🤣

It's so annoying when people are competitive.

An (ex!) friend (for this reason) was so totally competitive with her DDs and my ds. Hers were close in age (20 months) and ds was 8 months younger than her eldest.

She proper threw her toys out the pram when ds was moved up swim groups and her dd wasn't.

Just don't arrange to meet her alone. Get the other mums along too.

And ignore any texts about test results and if she mentions it face to face - laugh - and say you thought she was joking as didn't actually think she'd care about a child's results that wasn't hers.

Faux surprise is the best way with nosy people!

The bragging isn’t particularly classy behaviour, but why does being copied bother you (and OP) so much? I don’t have kids so have no experience of this, but I'm curious. Why is copying seen as competitive behaviour but taking issue with being copied okay? They sound like one and the same to an outsider like me.

@Usernamen it is not so much as copying it's more that she's only interested in me to see what my kids are up to & how they are progressing in school...if for example I mention Netflix or looking for a dress for a wedding her expression goes blank & the chat is rail roaded back to the dc...

Fair enough, I couldn’t be friends with someone like this! Good idea to distance yourself :)

Next time she asks about test results say "Oh okay I think - what does 'exceeding expectations' mean - is that good or not, I'm not sure...".

@massiveclamps 😁 I just find it draining. Her dc are doing great too so I can understand the fascination with mine especially as she's a teacher herself, she would have much more knowledge of the expectations & the course..
She's also on the PTA so is in the school loads so knows much more than I do!

My dd (7) sometimes goes to a friend's house where the mum sits her down with tests to see if she's smarter than her dd or not. I was annoyed the first time but now I just tell dd to make up ridiculous lies like she's a black belt in something, a grade 8 harpist or has been selected for the gifted track at school (there isn't one but will make the mum seethe!)

That’s really insane!

Oh that's crazy! It's quite hard to manage too though isn't it? My dc & this mums children are such good friends, they all clicked but I feel she is just judging mine the whole time & measuring mine against hers instead of valuing their friendship...

Yes 😁

If you can't beat em, join em.

Oh my dd wants to become a jocky, I'm going to enroll her in 'X expensive riding/pony club' this week.

My DD has expressed an interest in becoming a doctor, I think I'm going to start her with a fast track tutor next week.

Just start to make shit up, when she asks why you've not enrolled your dd at X tell her she changed her mind

@BanditsOnTheHorizon I think I'm going to have to start at that!

In two minds about this. If you like her DC and they are nice friends to your DC, it wouldn't be a bad thing for them to go to the same clubs etc.

The test score thing is a bit odd though, maybe okay if you were close friends, but a bit weird when there is a general sense of competition/comparison.

@SparklyShark it's not just that it's the fact she only wants to discuss the dc, the school, their teachers. She has no interest in me as a person.
I'm on good terms with plenty of the school mums & we meet for an occasional coffee.. The dc are rarely discussed unless it's carpooling to an activity etc...

I have a friend who can be a bit like this. I go with the oh I can’t remember approach.

Can your DCs be friends without you having to socialise with the mum e.g. coffees?

I guess it’s hard because she’s so intense but since the kids go to schools and clubs together do you and the other mum need to be that involved with each other?

Brilliant! 😂

When I was at school one of my friend's mums was like this. Despite her daughter being the sporty, popular one at school she was obsessed with me and my test scores. She wasn't satisfied with her daughter being the most popular at school - she wanted her to be the smartest too!

We moved when I was 13 and went to another secondary school, but on GCSE results day, the Mum called my Mum to find out how I'd done, despite never having spoken to my Mum since I'd left!

Friend's mum got her wish though - her daughter got the highest GCSE grades in the school.

She also didn't get her wish, because my results were even better!

My Mum has never been one for oneupmanship, but even she confessed that it felt good telling her! 😂

Some people are just really strange like that OP.

Yes definitely they can. The dc are lovely & my dc really enjoy having them over.

Oh you could have so much fun with this.

Seriously though people like this are tedious. I bet the other parents think the same as you, especially if she tries to turn conversations back to the children when people just want to talk about the latest Netflix rubbish or celebrity gossip

Step away. School holidays are coming up best time for a break. If she starts going on about all the educational things she is doing over summer just smile politely and dont say anything about your own plans, unless you want to say something ridiculous like I am sending the kids to America to go to Space Camp - see how quickly she books flights 😂

@Womencanlift 🤣🤣🤣 what I can't understand is that she is a primary school teacher herself (part time) so she would know the curriculum inside out & can find out what she needs to if not!
She's also on the PTA so she would have more knowledge about what's going on inside the school than me..
But yes I think I'll have some fun! I might start commenting on & sharing some very expensive residential summer camps 😂... Equestrian camp in Vienna🤔

Why don't you tackle her directly? "Why do you keep asking". "Every time I tell you something you immediately copy it".

Just cut her off, don't share any information with her?

@Oblomov23 I just don't want to go down that road.. I'd prefer to avoid & just let the kids get on with their friendships..