Competitive school mum copies everything I do with my dc. Aibu to stop sharing info on out lives?

[Lightningstrikess]

A school mum I thought was a friend copies everything I do with my dc! She has children in my kids classes.
When we meet for a coffee the talk is all about the dc's progress.. My dc & hers are all in the top sets. If I said I was doing something with the dc they do it too always.. She quizzes my dc's on playdates & I feel she thinks mine are direct competition to hers.
Has anyone dealt with a similar parent?

@LillyCandC I love her dc, they are so polite & mannerly. They are definitely not compete with with mine in any way, lovely supportive friends.
I just find she's so invested in what we're doing & my dc's progress but even her tone is very pushy it's not general chit chat..

Stop telling her things. Stop meeting up with her.

Irgh. How utterly exhausting. Don't worry, when they make friends with one of the governors, she'll leave you alone.

In the meantime, stop having coffee with her...

A friend of ours does this. I've had to block off social media.

Tbh really wound me up because copied niche sports mine got into and now bragging they've won something - when in fact they were the only entry in that category! Makes me laugh a little to be fair! Brag away. The cheap plastic tat trophy means nothing.

When even your DD notices and wants to know why they've copied every interest they've had...

Fully accept it's our fault for posting on social media I'm now keeping quiet about what the kids are up to.

I know they say that 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery', but it drives me NUTS! I have a relative who has always copied everything I've done since we were kids, even got pregnant a.s.a.p. after me, having said that she wasn't having any more! Just feels like they have no original thoughts of their own.

I have an acquaintance like this… I countered every “mine can spell X and Y”, or mine is on this book band, what are yours on? With things like ‘oh their spelling is really coming on, they know vodka is spelled with a k not a c’ and ‘they could read all the subtitles when we watched SAW in Japanese’.

When they asked how many clubs mine go to I told them I hang her up in the broom cupboard when she isn’t at school.

They soon got bored.

Never ever discuss your kids' test scores or even how they're doing in school other than 'fine' - say you don't want to get into comparisons as every child is unique. My mum had that as a sort of policy and passed it on to me.

I mean texting you asking about their grades is out of order and I would ignore. But why do you care if they do the same club 💁🏼‍♀️. Doesn’t sound like it should have any impact on you.. Or are you weirdly competitive yourself?

She’s probably just one of the mildly insecure, aspirational people (Mn is full of them) who is worried her DC aren’t doing the right activities or achieving academically.

Honestly, I do think it’s funny on here when people post about someone copying them, and it’s always utterly standard stuff like also calling her baby Sophie, painting her living room grey with mustard ‘accents’, sending her DC to swimming lessons, going on holiday to Spain etc.

Don't feed the animals.
She shouldn't be asking about your kids test results. It has no bearing whatsoever and really its your kids information to share. I'd reduce contact.

I have one of my dc's friends mother's who does this, it's like she tries to get a game of top trumps going over everything. I smile and congratulate her on her dc's achievements, I really don't share much about our lives with her. My dh once spent time with her and didn't know how to handle it and got in far too deep with the top trumping, he's learnt now

Just stop telling her things - steer subject away, keep doing it till she gets the hint or just be straight with her, say you don’t want to talk about the dcs.
Reduce contact.
I think those are your options really.

@Mortgagewoes1 I know what you mean, I'm share occasionally on social media but don't have many followers just friends & family. It's bloody annoying.

I will admit I'm very invested in the dc, I'm a sahm & I have the time but I don't discuss them DH has his own business so I help him when needed. We're comfortable & it works for our family.

When dc1 started school, the lady waxed lyrically at the school gates about how advanced her dc were as she was a teacher & had covered reception work already. I didn't mention my dc was reading etc... She didn't bother with me until they got split into sets, then she befriended me... Not so much "friended", she has no interest in my interests or me personally. Only my dc..

It doesn’t sound like a genuine friendship if she only talks about what the kids can/want to do-I’d stop meeting up with her.

She didn't bother with me until they got split into sets, then she befriended me... Not so much "friended", she has no interest in my interests or me personally.

Why would you think she was your friend?!

Stop telling her and become vague. Test results 'I don't concentrate on results, it's how much effort they put in' or 'we're happy with the results'

If she asks about extra activities just tell her that you like your dc to experience. Wide range of activities.

I have other similar meet ups with mums in the class, I'd call them school mum friends as we meet regularly for coffee & have the odd night out! The dc are rarely discussed with the other mums other than car pooling etc.. I would have lumped the other mum as the same but it's quite obvious she has no interest in me as a person..

None of those examples would bother me. Sometimes parents don't think of, or know about local activities/clubs until another parent mentions it - If her dc says they don't want to go it might just be they are apprehensive about trying new things and she mentioned your ds was there to encourage them to give it a try. I wouldn't even consider they were "copying" - as I wouldn't consider myself "special" enough to copy! 🤣

If they are copying because they struggle to come up with ideas themselves where is the harm? It is not any detriment to you so why even let it take up any head space?

Asking about scores is a bit nosey, I would probably just say he did well or as expected and ask how did their dc get on are they happy with their score whatever it was?

One parent used to message me when DS was is primary school asking for the spellings he got each week. He was in the highest spelling group and she was convinced her son, in a lower one, wasn't getting spellings that were hard enough. Poor child!

character trait acquisition, or copying, can be sign of narcissism- I’d be careful

I have to say I find accusations of ‘Sue copied me’ in adulthood to be embarrassingly childish.

Unless you’re inventing your own products, creating your own activities/businesses or weaving your own clothes and they’re doing something identical - absolutely nobody is copying you. They’re simply doing things available to everyone. If they got the idea from you it’s REALLY weird to be annoyed about it.

I remember a poster on here years and years ago who was devastated that her friend had copied her incredibly personal bracelet that had huge sentimental value to her.

It was a Pandora bracelet…!

Loon. It’s quite flattering though?!

It will wear off when as teens her kids tell her to sod off. This type of mother often goes deadly silent post 13.

🤣🤣🤣

Remember those hair donut things that have you a perfect bun that were in fashion Amy e a decade ago? A friend once fell out with me because I bought one after seeing her with one!

Next time she asks about test results say “The teacher told me to keep quiet as it would make the other kids feel bad and they all tried so hard. She’s talking Oxbridge already or St Andrews. I don’t know where he gets it from”