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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents should back off, Prom is just a school disco.

226 replies

AIBUPromPromProm · 25/06/2023 10:37

This week I've bumped into a few parents with 16 year olds going to Prom and heard about the crazy amounts of grooming, money and time going into what is actually a school disco for 16year olds.
We're a small beach town - all the hair dressers are apparently booked out for blow drys & make up. People are scrambling around for anyone who can sew to take up/let down overpriced dresses for still growing 16year olds.
My daughter's friends seem to have a crazy amount of appointments next week and no one else wants to go surfing incase they break a nail or upset their hair.
I'm surprised at how much our laid back town has actually bought into the 'most important night of your life' rhetoric.

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 25/06/2023 11:40

God how miserable.

As the parent of a DD who's got prom this week, I think it's great. She's excited. Her friends are excited. As this thread proves, not everyone spends a fortune on it and those that do, well why not if that's what they want to do?

And as an aside, the cider in a field will be happening afterwards here so that tradition is also carrying on

gypsytrampandthief · 25/06/2023 11:41

gypsytrampandthief it's pure vanity

And?

Why is it ok for you to buy clothes that flatter you, pay for haircuts that suit you, presumably you make some concessions to your appearance, such as painting your nails or wearing make up? Isn't that also vanity. Unless you deliberately make yourself as unattractive as you can, we are all vain aren't we?!!

bladebladebla1 · 25/06/2023 11:42

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 25/06/2023 11:40

God how miserable.

As the parent of a DD who's got prom this week, I think it's great. She's excited. Her friends are excited. As this thread proves, not everyone spends a fortune on it and those that do, well why not if that's what they want to do?

And as an aside, the cider in a field will be happening afterwards here so that tradition is also carrying on

The misery is really depressing isn't it. I'm not even at prom ages yet (kids I mean) so not even being defensive for myself but god some people just need to lighten the fuck up

WandaWonder · 25/06/2023 11:42

Sure I don't get it but it's not harming anyone so I don't have an opinion on it

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 25/06/2023 11:43

Tessisme · 25/06/2023 10:58

And as usual it's the girls' outfits and grooming etc which cost an arm and a leg. Boys can turn up in unremarkable, inexpensive, ultimately reusable clothes having had a quick tidy up of their hair, while girls' parents feel under pressure to spend money on overpriced dresses which will be worn once, matching bags and shoes, nails, elaborate hairstyles, jewellery, make up etc. All reinforcing the concept of women's looks in the hierarchy of important things.

Ha! Lots of our lads had the full “day at the races” vibe going on, three piece bespoke (ridiculously tight) suits, hair, eyebrows immaculate, enough Creed to fell a rhino.
But then we had lots turn up on their tractors too.

Cosyblankets · 25/06/2023 11:43

There's a post in our local Facebook group asking for someone to do prom cup cakes

Butchyrestingface · 25/06/2023 11:46

People are scrambling around for anyone who can sew to take up/let down overpriced dresses for still growing 16year olds.

Not really the point of the thread but I sure as shite wasn't still growing at 16 (more's the pity) and I don't think that was an unusual experience.

Sux2buthen · 25/06/2023 11:47

I think it's lovely, it's a huge milestone to complete schooling and head towards adulthood.
I think Mumsnet is awash with fun sponges though

tigger1001 · 25/06/2023 11:48

Where I am the leavers do is for 6th years, so 17/18 year olds. The students that leave at end of 4th or 5th year don't get anything.

My eldest has avoided every single school dance so really wasn't bothered.

Limo's etc don't seen the norm locally either

DressHlp · 25/06/2023 11:48

The descriptions in this thread do not resemble my experience at an American prom.

knackeredmumoftwo · 25/06/2023 11:49

We've just done Prom - it was expensive but lovely to see her looking amazing being confident and celebrating with all her friends at the end of a tough three years - Covid, catching up exams etc (3 year GCSEs here), it was a lovely event the arrivals were really funny and it was lovely to see the teaching staff all glammed up and making an effort to celebrate the students - yes it's expensive yes it ridiculous but with no sixth form it's end of an era. There are always extremes and yes girls are way more expensive than boys in terms of prep if you want hair nails and make up done but you don't have to do all of that - I hated the idea when she was 12-14 but at 16 it was a sparkly if a bit chavvy end of school and they had a great time -

planthelpadvice · 25/06/2023 11:52

Aww I unintentionally drove past school as the kids were arriving for prom this week - was really heartwarming and uplifting to see them all dressed up and excited, ready to celebrate finishing school. There were some great modes of transport - ranging from a couple on a tandem ❤️ through to Porches.

I don't think it's that OTT round here though. Last year my niece had her nails done (but she does that quite often anyway) and eyebrows threaded. Can't imagine her dress was mega expensive as my sister couldn't have afforded it. She did hair and make up at a friend's house.

Spendonsend · 25/06/2023 11:52

My sons prom was pretty identical to my 'leavers party' in 1994. There was a few girls in fancier dresses than in my day but most were in dresses you'd wear out again to a party or night out. I actually think the boys are less likely to reuse a suit unless they happen to have a wedding or interview because they havent filled out. Puberty is a bit later for boys. They tend to wear totally different clothes to go out to a party.

TheCheeseTray · 25/06/2023 11:52

I brought her a dress and yes it was brought as a made to measure and it is £100. She is wearing trainers underneath (smart girls). Our hairdresser who has had her for years is doing her hair for £20 a gentle trim and then in a half up and down do - but teaching her so she can do it herself. I’m doing her nails - scrub and clear varnish. She’s doing her makeup. Bag matches dress £10 of amazing. She’s making and sewing her own shawl with material previous brought this afternoon. She should get through uni with it too ! So I call that a deal

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 25/06/2023 11:53

It’s gone in the opposite direction at DS’s school - there’s a competitiveness to see who can spend the least. Helped by the HT securing a thing with a local charity shop where the kids get a discount for a voucher issued by the school - can be for anything like behaviour, volunteering, manners etc.

The school opens two of the common rooms for the kids to change in and the girls all (bar one or two) seem to do each others hair and make up. The fact they all change there also takes away the need for fancy cars or limos.

Apparently the haggling with catering companies, DJs etc is quite epic as they want to spend the same or less than last years group.

I’m really hoping it’s still such a thing when my DS and DD get to prom age!

darkmodeon · 25/06/2023 11:54

SoupDragon · 25/06/2023 11:36

Do people have to show a receipt at the door?

Do you propose similar restrictions on all social events?

Show quote history

That's not a bad idea. They could do that and say if you have £300 to burn donate it to charity.

darkmodeon · 25/06/2023 11:55

WandaWonder · 25/06/2023 11:42

Sure I don't get it but it's not harming anyone so I don't have an opinion on it

It is though. Those who can't afford it will be made to feel shit

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 25/06/2023 11:55

It does make me smile each year though when you see a big bundle of kids in posh frocks on the swings and eating chips after their prom.

Always a sign that the summer holidays are very close

BellaJuno · 25/06/2023 11:57

Sux2buthen · 25/06/2023 11:47

I think it's lovely, it's a huge milestone to complete schooling and head towards adulthood.
I think Mumsnet is awash with fun sponges though

I agree. This cohort missed out on lots of milestones during covid and have just completed a set of stressful exams with almost no acknowledgement of the impact of this. Parents who spend more than they can afford are the problem, not the prom itself.

fortnumsfinest · 25/06/2023 11:59

LegendsBeyond · 25/06/2023 11:16

It’s sad & regressive. It’s all about looking good for the photos & everyone trying to outdo each other. I cringe when I see girls & their parents fall for this crap.

Sad and regressive?
What is so progressive about cringing about how someone else lives their life when it has absolutely no impact on yours?
I'd say it's more regressive to judge others, also down right nasty

mondaytosunday · 25/06/2023 11:59

Wasn't like that al all at my kids (independent) school. Yes the girls get a bit excited about the dress but seemed while a few may have had their hair done they did each others or their own nails and make up. My daughter only wore mascara and I helped with her hair.
There were a couple pre prom parties for my son and a big after party but it was still covid times when my daughter had hers and there was no pre or after parties.
I think we spent maybe £65 on her dress and £15 getting it hemmed. No limos or anything.
It was fun and as there were very few couples all the kids just danced and hung out together.
Other than a few pics parents took of them all dressed up and a big class pic at the dinner that was it. Maybe my kids are rare in not really doing much social media? They all had fun and great memories.

motherofawhirlwind · 25/06/2023 12:00

You don't have to buy into the madness.

Yes my DD dress was more expensive than some, but she's only had a month to sort one out as she actually left earlier in the year but got a last minute invite to go and see her friends. She's wearing her DM boots, no hair (it's super short), will do her own make up, no transport wanted, no adjustments needed to the dress. I've literally just managed to get her a nail appointment super last minute as a treat. We're at £400 all in. Given the struggles she's personally got through this year, I'm delighted and proud that she's wanting to go.

x2boys · 25/06/2023 12:00

tigger1001 · 25/06/2023 11:48

Where I am the leavers do is for 6th years, so 17/18 year olds. The students that leave at end of 4th or 5th year don't get anything.

My eldest has avoided every single school dance so really wasn't bothered.

Limo's etc don't seen the norm locally either

Contrary to.mumsnet,belief ,many schools in.England at least only go.up.to.year 11 (16 year.olds)
Post 16 those that want to sit A levels can do.so.at either a schoo!.sixth firm.( if there is one) or sixth form college .

MissLynne · 25/06/2023 12:00

It seems such a world away from my 16 year old, permed haired, shy self. We never had anything like that, now things are so different.

There's no going back though.

x2boys · 25/06/2023 12:01

mondaytosunday · 25/06/2023 11:59

Wasn't like that al all at my kids (independent) school. Yes the girls get a bit excited about the dress but seemed while a few may have had their hair done they did each others or their own nails and make up. My daughter only wore mascara and I helped with her hair.
There were a couple pre prom parties for my son and a big after party but it was still covid times when my daughter had hers and there was no pre or after parties.
I think we spent maybe £65 on her dress and £15 getting it hemmed. No limos or anything.
It was fun and as there were very few couples all the kids just danced and hung out together.
Other than a few pics parents took of them all dressed up and a big class pic at the dinner that was it. Maybe my kids are rare in not really doing much social media? They all had fun and great memories.

The irony ...