AIBU to expect my friend to have checked on me?

[WalkingDisaster1]

Name changed cos this is outing.

I’ve been away this weekend with a group of 10 strangers in a national women’s walking group.
It was all women except for my friend of 15 years.

I’m a larger woman and we planned to go for a walk as a group, it was meant to be 1 mile which was absolutely fine by me.
What I didn’t expect was the hill, it was more like mountain climbing.
I got out of breath quickly and the rest of the group except 1 woman charged on ahead.
I had a panic attack, the worst I’ve had in years. I couldn’t breathe so I decided to go back. I told the woman I was with and thanked her for staying with me, she went off to the group and I walked back.

The group leader had the accommodation key and had to send someone who was a runner back with it for me.

They suggested I drove to meet them and I did but they were nowhere to be found and there was no internet nor phone signal so I went back to the accommodation, put the key in the key safe and left.

I sent the group a WhatsApp message saying I couldn’t find them so I’d put the key in the safe and was going home. I’d planned to go home early evening anyway (I have young kids) when they were staying a second night so I just left a few hours earlier.

Now to the point… my friend didn’t come back to check on me and it’s been 8 hours and I’ve not heard from her at all. I know signal isn’t great around there but other people managed.

I would never have done that, if I knew my friend was struggling (especially knowing their mental health struggles) then walk be damned, I’d have been back there to check on them.

Aibu to have expected more of her?

This generation has had to cope with being shut in the house 23 hours a day for months at a stretch, an unknown killer disease outside. Most managed just fine

Well Asian flu was no fun either. Covid is not the first ever pandemic.
1.1 million deaths worldwide. Whole families caught it and were ill at the same time. It was grim. There's nothing new under the sun.

I also think a little self reflection on how your MH behaviours affect others would help you OP - drowning yourself in the ‘buy it’s not my fault I’m this way’ rhetoric will be really unhelpful.

Where's the nastiness? All I've read is that you can't have expected your friend/everyone to prioritise you on their holiday more than they already had? Coming back to check on you on the initial 1 miler, someone else running back with the key, you then message to say you're going home? Unless I've missed something what else could they have done?

I agree - there's a lot of twats on this thread getting swept up in a pathetic pile on.

Somebody probably should have checked on you but I wouldn't dwell on it if I were you. Someone took the key back for you and everything was ok in the end.

Bloomin Nora, some people have really had a good old dig in at OP. There is a difference between walking up a steep footpath, to rambling up a sheer sided slope of hard going terrain, especially if you have dodgy knees, or hips, which OP might.

It's also worth being away, you can't really control a panic attack, dh suffers with them, and they are awful for him.
I do think you were being a little unreasonable in expecting to hear back from your friend so soon, as she knew you had gone home and therefore okay.
But I also think you deserve a huge pat on the back for getting out there and giving it ago, when you've clearly been unwell, so don't let this hiccup set you back.
Keep going with the walking, just build up gently. Hope the panic attacks ease up, they are so debilitating.

Honestly a panic attack about a hill, a thread to complain about your friend when you said her messaging wasn't even read and it all turned out fine anyway- you are way too much of work.

Aibu can be a strange place. Sometimes I don't know if half the posters actually feel the way they say or if they just like to be contrary, so please OP ignore the nasty replies. Ofcourse you'd expect your friend to check on you. I would absolutely be ringing or messaging you if I was the friend in the situation, just to make sure you're OK.
I had a similar situation years ago. Went with friends to go up Slieve Donard, thought it would be fine, but actually Dyspraxia + Mountain Climbing = pure panic. I found it so very difficult, and I did get up to the top albeit slowly and not one of my friends made me feel bad.
I think you have got solid advice to maybe build yourself up or even go for much gentler hikes to start off.

Good job I have decent long term friends and we support each other when any of us is having a hard time. I'd hate to be you're friend when you view a friendship so casually as to throw it away when it doesn't suit YOU. 🙄

@Opaque11 you sound delightful

Yet you didn’t actually message the friend you ditched, so she had to stay with strangers all of a sudden with no notice or contact? you expected the contacting all to be on here so I’m not sure you’re the supportive mate you think you are.

I would have to agree. Doesn’t sound like
something to lose a friendship over, sounds likely that your friend just didn’t have reception. She’s also probably busy.

I have supported friends and family with anxiety and depression and, in the nicest possible way, it can be very difficult. Sometimes you need a break. I also find anxiety can make people spiral
and perceive other people’s actions in ways that weren’t intended.

I hope your MH continues to improve.

@LifeIsPainHighness
You must have missed the post saying I messaged her. 🤦🏼‍♀️

You messaged her after getting a bit of a hard time on this thread - when really a supportive friend would have messaged her before they left to apologise for ditching their holiday and a brief explanation