AIBU to expect my friend to have checked on me?

[WalkingDisaster1]

Name changed cos this is outing.

I’ve been away this weekend with a group of 10 strangers in a national women’s walking group.
It was all women except for my friend of 15 years.

I’m a larger woman and we planned to go for a walk as a group, it was meant to be 1 mile which was absolutely fine by me.
What I didn’t expect was the hill, it was more like mountain climbing.
I got out of breath quickly and the rest of the group except 1 woman charged on ahead.
I had a panic attack, the worst I’ve had in years. I couldn’t breathe so I decided to go back. I told the woman I was with and thanked her for staying with me, she went off to the group and I walked back.

The group leader had the accommodation key and had to send someone who was a runner back with it for me.

They suggested I drove to meet them and I did but they were nowhere to be found and there was no internet nor phone signal so I went back to the accommodation, put the key in the key safe and left.

I sent the group a WhatsApp message saying I couldn’t find them so I’d put the key in the safe and was going home. I’d planned to go home early evening anyway (I have young kids) when they were staying a second night so I just left a few hours earlier.

Now to the point… my friend didn’t come back to check on me and it’s been 8 hours and I’ve not heard from her at all. I know signal isn’t great around there but other people managed.

I would never have done that, if I knew my friend was struggling (especially knowing their mental health struggles) then walk be damned, I’d have been back there to check on them.

Aibu to have expected more of her?

Goodness me- why are people challenging the OP on the length of the walk.

She was the person there.

It was a mile to our picnic point where we would stop for lunch and then the group planned to split into different length walks, some going back then, some doing 5 and some doing 15 miles.

So it was a social weekend, they went for a 1 mile walk and yet you left after the one activity you weren't comfortable with?
You should have checked the route before leaving. When told there was a hill said "I can't manage a hill, since its only a mile you won't be long and I'll wait here".

Sounds like they maybe stopped for a cake and drink in a cafe or something

Just realised you expected friend to drop everything and leave with you. That's definitely unreasonable

She was taken Ill. In what way is that 'causing drama'?

Cross posted, so they stopped for picnic and then went separate ways and you couldn't find them

8 hours isn't that long OP - and as you've let the group know you're OK there's no cause for concern?
Also I wouldn't want to text someone as a check-in and then not read their reply. She'll probably text later tonight

Did you insist someone run back with a key?

We've just had a chat, we're fine.
Just got in my own head too much about it I think.

(Also for the person who said it - of course I didn't expect her to drop everything and leave with me 🤦🏼‍♀️ I just thought she'd message or check in with me)

Did you leave your friend's bag at the accommodation?
She knows you're fine because of the person who gave you the key and your group message. She's getting on with enjoying her time and may not have even seen your message yet. And if you are well even to go home then you are clearly OK.

OP I mean this kindly but if you can't walk a mile, even if it's a steep one, I'm not sure a walking group is for you

I actually think you were on the wrong.
You've just swanned off home before saying bye to your friend. They were on a one mile walk...they'd have been back within the hour I expect and probably expected to see you but found you'd packed and left. I actually find your actions very antisocial and I'm not surprised you've not heard from your friend.

I do think yabu. She knows that you are fine and is enjoying her weekend away. I'm sure she'll get in touch in due course.

Your OP originally sounds like it was a male friend "It was all women except for my friend of 15 years."

Glad I'm not the only one who picked that up. @WalkingDisaster1 can you clarify that please?

I'm sorry OP, but I think you're being dramatic. Hope you're ok though.

Sorry yeah that was a bad typo on my part. It was meant to say they're all strangers except my friend of 15 years, plus we were all women.

Yeah it would seem that way.
I'm fine now and we've just had a nice chat so we're fine.
Just got too much in my head about it I guess.

In your friends shoes, she may be upset that you seemingly abandoned her as she may not appreciate how upset you were (the panic attack) or maybe just bag signal. A mile really isn't far, and if it was to a picnic spot it may have felt like a mountain but was probably just an uphill. I think it's a shame no-one in the group hung back so you had company, it's not nice to leave someone behind and then you could all meet together at the picnic spot, presumably it was a walking group for all abilities.

If it hasn’t been read yet she hasn’t picked it up?! When she does I’m sure she’ll drop you a reply.

It’s not a big deal, you are fine - you’ve texted them to say you are fine. Don’t make a drama.

Ignoring the drama vipers who are intentionally misinterpreting things re walk length, steepness of hill, that the group was then splitting up to walk further etc...

I would be unhappy with a group and particularly group leader that fucks off and leaves anyone behind, and with a group that doesn't let people know what the terrain is/how steep etc, when they're new to the group.

if I knew my friend was struggling (especially knowing their mental health struggles) then walk be damned, I’d have been back there to check on them

my friend didn’t come back to check on me

See how it implies you want her to drop every and come with you?

I don’t think you’re dramatic. Going away for a weekend with mostly strangers must have been a huge step for you after suffering from anxiety and depression for so long. Be proud of yourself for going and trying. You did the right thing for you leaving. I’m glad your friend has contacted you. Try not to let this set you back from doing more in the future. Maybe start going for gentle walks regularly to build your fitness a little so you can try something like this again in the future.

I suspect your friend knew that you wouldn't make it.

But she's checked in. So no worries.

Perhaps she didn’t realise how much this had affected you. Don’t be too hard on her or yourself.

One person stayed with the OP until she decided to abandon the walk, and as I assume they were not yet close to the one-mile point where the picnic was to happen, she can’t have been far from the house/where the cars had been left. Presumably if she’d made it to the picnic spot, other people would from what she says, also have returned at that point. I can absolutely appreciate the OP was upset and panicky at the hill she couldn’t manage, and is probably cross with herself at how disappointingly the weekend turned out, but it sounds like a mismatch of expectation and event.

I messaged her too just saying 'I still had her bag and I'd see her soon, hoping her walk was nice' but it isn't read yet.

If she hadn’t even read your message then why would she have texted you.

If it’s poor signal most people don’t bother using their phones at all.

I think you were very selfish to think so badly of her when she did nothing wrong and I hope you didn’t say anything to her about it else you won’t be invited again.

FWIW if you struggle with walking I don’t know why you’d go on a walking holiday. You need to do shorter walks and build up as you could have made yourself ill/injured yourself.

If you both enjoy walking then just meet somewhere local for a short walk.