Wedding dress code for guests

[Thanksitsfromvinted]

More of a colour scheme as opposed to a dress code. Our wedding is not very traditional we’re going quite relaxed almost festival vibes. OH and myself have decided to save on costs and have no bridesmaids or groomsmen. Both of us have been bm and gm for friends and found it a task and never loved what we’ve had to wear and didn’t want to put that responsibility on people, it also saves us a fortune as we would have had needed to pay for minimum 5 dresses/suits each. Have lots of brothers and sisters between us and loads of lovely friends and we couldn’t really decide who to include in the bridal party without including everyone who came to the day haha! So instead we’re asking our guests to pick a colour from our colour scheme to base their outfit around, there’s quite a few colours to choose from hence the festival vibe and we want to put somewhere that even a hint of the colour is fine (shoes, bag, tie) so it’s not a dress code but more of an encouragement. This is so we can have all our lovely nearest and dearest in photos etc and they all look involved.

I’ve had one or two comments that asking people to dress a certain way is ridiculous, I’ve explained that giving them a colour scheme and their own choice of outfit was meant to be less restrictive than plopping all our family in dresses/suits of our choosing.

what do you think?

Yes this is very much "It's all about the 'Gram."

Sorry OP but your guests will think this is rather Try Hard and you will look back and think "Why on earth did we do that?"

I defo would be irritated by being told to wear specific colours. Plus it'll add to the cost if people have to buy new things to fit in with the theme.

Sounds like it is a done deal. It does put a lot of stress onto the guests though and it is pretty unnecessary- if you want synergy in your guests supply them all with a matching buttonhole or something.

Do you think you might have offended you Italian wedding mates by banging on about being relaxed AND THEREFORE able to be enjoyable? Hence their disliking your prescribed dress code.

I think you'll make people roll their eyes it's just so self obsessed. And yet I remember the excitement of planning a look and issuing my own instructions.

The most truly relaxed wedding celebrations are ones where the guests' comfort are thought about. Whether in a field or the poshest castle.

You can't be surprised that people might be annoyed they have to buy a new outfit to fit your colour scheme when you admit you're doing it because you don't want the cost of dressing bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Personally I'd find it weird to have suggested colours, but absolutely fine to explain its a relaxed festival dress code rather than formal for instance

"it’s not a dress code but more of an encouragement"

The problem is it IS experienced as a demand by most polite people. We spent ages trying to source 4 outfits featuring teal for one of these, when we all had perfectly good wedding suitable attire in other colours already. But it was such a pain - is this one too turquoise? Is this too green? Where on earth do you buy teal for a 3 year old boy?

Obviously it's up to you but please don't minimise the extent to which you are inconveniencing your guests. They will mostly jump through the hool to please you, without complaining, but there was so much discussion of bloody teal at that wedding and I don't recall a single positive comment.

The only instructions I follow for the rare weddings I grace with my presence these days are the venue(s) and timings.

Please don't do it. Wrong signals.....

Another one whose eyes would roll out the back of her head at being given a "colour palette" for a wedding.

I wouldn’t want to have to spend money on a wedding appropriate outfit in a colour I didn’t like and wouldn’t wear again. For a significant number of your guests, it will mean having to spend a lot of time, effort and money on something to wear solely to your wedding, so I can see why some guests might be pissed off.

I think when it’s your own wedding, it’s easy to lose perspective - for you, of course this is one of the most important days of your life, and you are going to happily invest lots of your time in preparing for it. But it isn’t like that for your guests - for them, it’s just a nice day out and a party, and they don’t have the same investment in it as you do, and they don’t want to devote more planning and shopping to the occasion than is necessary.

Of course it’s your wedding and you’re completely entitled to make your own choices about how it should be, but I don’t think you can reasonably expect a colour-specific dress code to be well-received with your guests. Essentially you’re just adding a big chore to their to-do list.

It comes across like you don’t want to take the time or pay the money to have your closest guests look like part of the wedding party so instead you’re forcing that pressure back on them. You can’t have it both ways.

If you want people to look included and part of the wedding party then you make the effort and pay for that.

If you don’t want presssure on anyone and are happy for people to turn up in whatever they want then just let them and don’t specify a code.

The irony... It's saved us a fortune in outfits.... but putting the pressure/cost onto our guests....
You don't say how many colours/what they are.
Why have you bothered posting this? You clearly have already/are still going to do it and are still justifying it despite everyone telling you YABU.

it’s not a prescription, just a suggestion, if you want to get involved in our colour scheme here’s the colour palette. Certainly not going to turn anyone away who doesn’t!

So why even mention it in the first place?

Please wear sage green ( or don't if you don't want to).

I've been married for almost 30 years now. I might have looked at the photos a few times over the years. I couldn't care less about what anyone was wearing, as the most important thing was who was there on the best day of our lives and who isn't with us today.

agree with this.

"I’ve had one or two comments that asking people to dress a certain way is ridiculous"

If I received a wedding invite which dictated what colour outfit I should wear, I would decline the invitation.

Also feel quite sorry for anyone who's been invited and turns up wearing a different colour because they couldn't do your certain colours for whatever reason. They're gonna stick out like a sore thumb.

It really would depend on the colours, and if I had children.

I like a nice wedding (I don't go to many) but I personally wouldn't like to be told which colours I could wear.
How many colours are you talking here? Is it something like simply pink and blue, or plenty like yellow/pink/blue/green/peach/lilac etc etc etc??? I think that might make a difference maybe.

So your nearest and dearest won't look involved unless wearing your selection of colours? Really?

I would worry less about the couple who have complained about it and more about your auntie Linda who is quietly stressing about the fact that she has nothing which says "festival vibe" and that the hat she was planning to wear won't go with your theme and now she has to go out and buy a new outfit but she has no idea what says "festival vibe", especially when you are a 65 year old woman whose social life mainly revolves around church and the local choral society.

I think people are involved enough if they turn up to your wedding.

I just think it's a bit weird!

Either the colour list is fairly limited (to say, yellow, orange, brown) and everyone will look similar which will feel really odd.

Or the colour list is full (so more or less any colour), in which case what the hec is the point?

Is it just for the photos? Honestly, when you look back at the photos you will focus on what you and your DH are wearing, but mainly you'll focus on your smiles!!! After that you'll focus on all the smiles of your friends and family. You won't care what they were wearing! And if it's a festival wedding theme, and in summer, the guests will all be colourful anyway.

It's too late now because you've already given the colour instructions to people. Just forget about it now and make sure you don't send any other instructions etc... let the guests do what they want ..

Hope u have a lovely wedding!

We went to a wedding recently the reception was in a pub (albeit a vair naice one) the garden was lovely the food was a genuinely delicious BBQ with lots of veg options, there was a bubble machine and giant games connect 4 etc for the DC and then they'd hired the upstairs for the evening. Their only advice was it's casual and we mean casual. There were people in shorts, casual maxi dresses, kids in t-shirts, the bride did wear a white dress and the groom a suit but casual and not a traditional colour. I think I saw two pairs of high heels all day on older female relatives and by late afternoon they were bare foot . It was marvellous.
If you say relaxed you need to actually mean it

Utterly ridiculous. And very tacky if I'm honest