Wedding dress code for guests

[Thanksitsfromvinted]

More of a colour scheme as opposed to a dress code. Our wedding is not very traditional we’re going quite relaxed almost festival vibes. OH and myself have decided to save on costs and have no bridesmaids or groomsmen. Both of us have been bm and gm for friends and found it a task and never loved what we’ve had to wear and didn’t want to put that responsibility on people, it also saves us a fortune as we would have had needed to pay for minimum 5 dresses/suits each. Have lots of brothers and sisters between us and loads of lovely friends and we couldn’t really decide who to include in the bridal party without including everyone who came to the day haha! So instead we’re asking our guests to pick a colour from our colour scheme to base their outfit around, there’s quite a few colours to choose from hence the festival vibe and we want to put somewhere that even a hint of the colour is fine (shoes, bag, tie) so it’s not a dress code but more of an encouragement. This is so we can have all our lovely nearest and dearest in photos etc and they all look involved.

I’ve had one or two comments that asking people to dress a certain way is ridiculous, I’ve explained that giving them a colour scheme and their own choice of outfit was meant to be less restrictive than plopping all our family in dresses/suits of our choosing.

what do you think?

You want to be relaxed and boho

but the very fact you are considering this… indicates you are as tightly wound up as a pretzel about this wedding being perfect and precisely what you want and envisage

I went to a wedding once where the bride asked everyone to wear something with pink. Not so problematic for me as I already had a pink top and wore it with a skirt but I did find it annoying and too prescriptive. I wouldn't do it to be honest, it felt very naff and was quite a negative talking point on the day. It will be annoying and additional cost for someone who perhaps already has an outfit that is perfectly wedding acceptable but doesn't fit your scheme.

You either buy their outfits in your chosen colour or let people make up their own minds. You can't have it both ways. It comes across as grabby and controlling even though it's meant to be a bit of fun.

I just saw a wedding like that on my FB feed, denim cutoffs eggs and wellies and face pain, looks fab for anyone size 10 and under. Funnily enough no pictures of mums and dads or grandparents. They probably didn't "look involved"😔

It's odd, you fall over yourself to try to make yourselves sound very chill but you clearly aren't! I've never been to a wedding as a guest where outfits or colours have been dictated/'suggested' for anyone outside of the immediate wedding party. Surely they will be 'involved' by being there and loving you, not because Auntie Sally has a blue bag or whatever?

Uggs not eggs

I genuinely hate this sort of thing. You cant describe have a relaxed wedding and then describe a dictatorial wedding invite in the next sentence. I think you have asked this question here as you know the answer.

When we got married we had a relaxed festival theme and specifically told people wear what they felt comfortable in, no need to dress up in suits etc. The results were awesome. Everyone felt involved.

If you want to bring people together why do you give a corsage or accessory to each guest on arrival (at your own cost)?

The couple who have complained about it are the same couple who we went to Italy for for their wedding costing us an arm and a leg. We did it for them because we love and care about them and never complained about it.

it’s not a prescription, just a suggestion, if you want to get involved in our colour scheme here’s the colour palette. Certainly not going to turn anyone away who doesn’t!

thanks for all the replies though

@Jazzappledelish I agree with your views about this. However, I am stealing and going to use "as tightly wound up as a pretzel" forever more .

What are the colours op? I'll check my wardrobe......................

Or get a filter on your wedding pics that brings everyone together. Or you could change their clothes with photo shop after 😂

Do not give colours to choose from ......

If you want a festival feel tell people to "feel free to wear festival clothes "

Oh no… you’re going to do it aren’t you OP? 😬

I hate the schools doing “everyone wear red tomorrow”. I hate it. Hate the rummaging through the closets, debating if that too-small Tshirt is ok or maybe a Spiderman outfit or maybe we go and buy another pointless outfit we don’t need or maybe the kids go to school in not-red and stick out. Hate the whole thing.

Extending this nuttery to grownups is even weirder.

This is an example (there have been many) of when a bride gets caught up in appearances, photos etc. looking "good" and forgets what a wedding is actually supposed to be about. Not insta worthy photos.

I love weddings so I'm not a typical MN wedding grouch, but nope, I would not like this. It's not just about funds, it's about time and hassle - I'm juggling work and kids and all that, I'll travel to the wedding and buy a present and so on, but I really don't want the faff of trying to work a colour scheme into my outfit.

In this case they'd be allowed on the photos, but in a separate little cluster standing just to one side, so in years to come people won't think they were "involved". 🤣🤣

It's awful. It reeks of Instagram. Please don't tell people what to wear it's just cringe.

Please don't do this. I went to a wedding where we were asked to respect the colour scheme (green) once. I was breastfeeding and my outfit options were already limited enough without that nonsense. I ended up wearing a floral dress with green leaves as part of the pattern, and having to completely unzip it to my waist while I fed my baby covertly in the back of the car. It was impractical for me and probably didn't even match the colour scheme properly as far as the bride was concerned, but I was buggered if I was going to buy a new dress in a colour I wouldn't normally choose for the occasion. Some of your guests probably will feel obliged to buy a new dress even if they have something perfectly suitable at home. It's not a reasonable request to make at any time, but especially not during a cost of living crisis.

Sounds like she's already done this, so definitely not seeking advice.

Also, some people will just ignore you and wear what they want anyway, so you might have group photos with most people in blue and one person in hot pink.

Its not very inclusive is it?

Or very relaxing for guests

Can't you just say "relaxed, festival vibe" and not specify colours?

@Thanksitsfromvinted by the sounds of it you have already done it. Dick move asking wedding guests to do anything imo.
No-one made you go to a destination wedding but you chose to.

You get to pick the colour of your bridesmaid dresses (which you've decided you're not having). You can't tell everyone else what to wear so they're more included in the photos.

I’ve explained that giving them a colour scheme and their own choice of outfit was meant to be less restrictive than plopping all our family in dresses/suits of our choosing.

It’s a stupid way to explain it, you’ve decided not to have bridesmaids etc to save on 5 outfits yourself, but you still want everyone to match you’re colour scheme so you’ve put a colour code in place for ALL your guests. It sounds a little entitled. The wedding colour theme is supposed to be carried off through you and your decor and money that you spend, not through all the guests doing matchy matchy.