Wedding dress code for guests

[Thanksitsfromvinted]

More of a colour scheme as opposed to a dress code. Our wedding is not very traditional we’re going quite relaxed almost festival vibes. OH and myself have decided to save on costs and have no bridesmaids or groomsmen. Both of us have been bm and gm for friends and found it a task and never loved what we’ve had to wear and didn’t want to put that responsibility on people, it also saves us a fortune as we would have had needed to pay for minimum 5 dresses/suits each. Have lots of brothers and sisters between us and loads of lovely friends and we couldn’t really decide who to include in the bridal party without including everyone who came to the day haha! So instead we’re asking our guests to pick a colour from our colour scheme to base their outfit around, there’s quite a few colours to choose from hence the festival vibe and we want to put somewhere that even a hint of the colour is fine (shoes, bag, tie) so it’s not a dress code but more of an encouragement. This is so we can have all our lovely nearest and dearest in photos etc and they all look involved.

I’ve had one or two comments that asking people to dress a certain way is ridiculous, I’ve explained that giving them a colour scheme and their own choice of outfit was meant to be less restrictive than plopping all our family in dresses/suits of our choosing.

what do you think?

Depends, do you want your guests to relax and enjoy your wedding or do you want them to be photo props?

Having a colour/dress code suggests you care more about the latter.

The couple who have complained about it are the same couple who we went to Italy for for their wedding costing us an arm and a leg. We did it for them because we love and care about them and never complained about it.

You've complained about it. There, in that first sentence

Could you possibly buy some cheap accessories or maybe scarf ties in the colours of your wedding and ask people to wear them?
Trying to dress up for a wedding is stressful as it is and then mixing colours into it, what if loads choose the same colour and then other colours are out of proportion? Your photos will either look odd or have the same people in to make the colours blend better.

You’re trying to save money by passing the cost onto your guests, which is not great, is it? And I’m sorry, but anything like this in an invite makes me think the couple care more about Instagram pictures than the actual marriage. Just let go a bit!

I love going to weddings, dressing up, themed parties, and so on, so I would love this. Just to add an alternative viewpoint!

You are being controlling it would make sense just to say wedding festival theme welcome to join in the theme

I agree.

The colour scheme has thrown me off because festival clothes are all colour schemes.

Trying to find a wedding outfit that is weddingy but also a bit festivaly is so difficult.

If you want a themed wedding you need to be much more specific and say if you want them to take part you want them to wear festival clothes such as wellies, shorts, face paint etc so they understand what you want.

Is this really any different from having a black tie do.
Not really I think.
As you say, even a ribbon in the outfit will do.
However have you considered the corsages could have a flower and / or ribbon to match the theme colour.

Pantomime

We went to christening recently that had a dress and colour code. I couldn't believe it!

This is so we can have all our lovely nearest and dearest in photos etc and they all look involved

Look involved to who? You know they’re involved, so what do you mean by this?

Personally o wouldn’t find that demanding etc . Easy enough to do

I like the idea of you providing props too as a PP suggested.

It’s so difficult trying to understand what the bride and groom wants when it’s so vague.

Most people would be horrified if some turned up in shorts and wellies but you might love that.

In my experience couples who describe their weddings as ‘chill’, ‘relaxed’, or ‘festival vibes’ are anything but. OP is an excellent example.

It would be a lot more fun if you asked people to dress up as Star Wars characters.

Oh please don't. Everyone wearing their finest will be fine. If it all clashes get black and white photos

It all seems utterly pointless.

You want them to dress in certain colours so it looks good, but equally you won't turn people away if they don't wear those colours - so why even put it on the invitations?

All you're going to do is stress people out unnecessarily and make them think that they have to spend more money on different outfits when in fact you'd let them in anyway

Love this.
Think I’d go as Chewbakka.

This is so we can have all our lovely nearest and dearest in photos etc
So if they're not in a colour they're not in the photos?

What are the colours OP?

If it's clear it only needs a hint of one of 12 colours, then it almost feels superfluous to mention it. Most people don't come to funerals in black of white, they'll meet your reqs anyway.

What I would do is say we're going for a laid back feel, please don't feel you have to turn up suited and booted in high heels and fitted dresses.

Even being that prescriptive, people will interpret it differently, so they won't look like the involved wedding party you are imagining. Why not just say "festival vibe with a splash of blue, yellow or orange"?

@Thanksitsfromvinted why don't you just be clear what the sort of theme is with the invites?

Even if it's not a prescriptive requirement, people will feel it is and will feel pressured.

Let people wear what they choose and feel good in.

Me too. Your wedding isn't laid back if you're dictating what colours people can wear!

So it’s chill festival vibes but you expect the men to wear ties? Your guests are probably very confused.

Is it clear on the invitation that it’s intended as a suggestion and an encouragement and that dressing in the colour scheme is optional?

If it’s phrased like the example Grumpyfroghats used - “Dress code - semi formal (we encourage yellow or bright colours)” then I’d be fine with that, I wouldn’t be feeling pressured to go out and find new clothes in the “right” colour if I didn’t already own them.

But if it’s phrased more like “Please base your outfit around one of these colours” - then I’d be interpreting that as an instruction. And restrictive.
And if I didn’t already own an outfit in that colour, I’d be worrying about finding something in the right colour, or about whether it’d cause trouble / upset if I failed to find something appropriate and turned up in the wrong colour clothes.

"We're too stingy to pay to clothe our wedding party; however we still want the photos to look as though we have a extensive wedding party, with an oh so creatively designed colour scheme; so we'd like you all to pay for that yourselves; because we're so laid back, non-controlling, and not at all invested in appearances."