WTAF? (SEXUAL ASSUALT/RAPE)

[BittenontheBum]

Not sure if there's already a thread about this, I couldn't find one.
I feel like I should be totally horrified that this disgusting excuse for a man found SO MANY other rapists to join in over the years. But sadly I'm not horrified anymore.
I am really fucking angry though.
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/france-man-films-wife-rape-b2362206.html?utm_source=taboola&utm_medium=Feed#comments-area
Would it be unreasonable to stay single for the rest of my life based on ALL the shit that men are doing/are capable of?
That poor poor woman 😔

BeachBlondey · Today 11:54
Not the point of the thread at all, but I've read things like this before and always wonder how alarm bells weren't ringing for the woman. You'd feel so ill from the drugs, and you would surely know that you'd had sex, by how you felt down below the next day. I'm not victim blaming, just pondering how men actually get away with this.

I work with trauma patients - you ARE actually victim blaming. Its a pretty normal reaction to make the world feel manageable and make us feel less afraid but it is deeply unhelpful to the people this has happened to, which appears to be a lot more than you would expect, albeit not as egregious as this case.

Not everyone feels bad the next day after taking medications, or perhaps feeling that way feels so normal it is just accepted. Similarly with pelvic pain or discomfort.

When trauma happens, one of the common things people report is feelings of disbelief. And that is when you know it actually happened. For many traumas, knowing that they are possible in advance is almost psychologically impossible. Men 'get away' with this because there are many many men who find such transgressions acceptable. It is not the fault of their victims, EVER.

That's the 3rd case in a week that's me think wtaf. The 1st was a guy abusing a hedgehog whilst wearing false boobs the 2nd was a guy holding down an injured baby gull whilst committing a sex act. The 3rd is horrific that someone that's supposed to care about you is passing you around his sick cohorts. It did make me think wtf is wrong with men.

It's the same NAMALT-ers that pop up on these threads to remind us all helpfully that most men are lovely and kind and their lovely Barry is out the back bbq-ing as we speak.

JUST FUCK OFF. It's far too many men and we want to talk about THAT.

Stop derailing threads about a particular story

Get your own thread

Where these 89 men came from, there are plenty more like them - and they walk amongst us, leaving us wondering 'what if...'e

Go away with your NALM BS. Why do your lot only ever bring this up when we're talking about violence against women? Make your own damn thread.

*Not all men. Autocorrect.

It’s awful that this one man did this to someone he apparently loved but it’s unreal that so many men went along with it and didn’t once think to say no or to reuse the alarm.

There are sex workers in every country who would have sex with these men. But that would be consensual which the men obviously don’t want.

The worst thing I ever saw was on Jeremy Kyle where her H locked her in a room with no windows and would film the rapes and beatings and live stream them. She was pregnant for a lot of it and he made her do things with a dog and filmed him raping her whilst in labour.
It sickened me that this man could do that but again the amount of viewers it had was so scary because it’s not just a couple of odd men it’s hundreds/thousands of them.

I do not believe she didn’t know she was being drugged and raped.

She probably didn’t realise that it was strange men but she must have felt that she’d had sex and/or the effect of the drugs.
Its not normal to be practically unconscious and not realise it when you wake up.

I do not believe this was a ‘loving’ husband who treated her well and then had this dark secret once she was asleep.

I do agree that most men are not like this.
Men also get raped.
Men are also in DV relationships.
And these are things that definitely shouldn’t be hidden and definitely discussed.

But this isn’t the thread for it.

If you look on the news 99% of all crimes, especially sexual crimes against other adults, children or animals, are committed by men.

Being a parent to a daughter is frightening because I know how dangerous men can be.

You would hope that it is a small percentage of men and that other men would raise alarms if she was in trouble.
But then things like this happen and you realise just how many fucked up men there are in the world.

Not all men are like this, true. But almost every single person like this is a man.

Can't believe the posters saying, "This happens to men too, don't pretend it doesnt", on a thread about a woman who was drugged and gang raped by NINTEY men, and had it filmed.

Why was that the most important thing you took away from this woman's horrific ordeal, that it happens to men as well?

Unfuckingbelievable.

Far more men rape than we like to think. Quite often they don’t even realise they have. Studies show this (I linked upthread). You see threads on here all the time where women realise they’ve been sexually assaulted some time after the fact and other posters don’t even agree with them then. Marital rape is still legal in many places and only criminalised here relatively recently. Consent is massively misunderstood. Women’s agency is not respected.

Multiple STDs man. Poor bugger, she'll never recover from any of that.

Some people posting need to have a day off like

90 men that we know of.

*I do not believe she didn’t know she was being drugged and raped.

She probably didn’t realise that it was strange men but she must have felt that she’d had sex and/or the effect of the drugs.
Its not normal to be practically unconscious and not realise it when you wake up.*

Wrong.

I was wondering the same thing, then I saw that the article said:

"The woman said she had flashbacks and that the drugging could have been the reason behind her frequent fatigue and ‘‘absent-mindedness’’.
Medical examinations found she had been infected with four sexually transmitted diseases."

In short, the signs and symptoms do happen/show up, but are not attributed to the right cause for obvious reasons (trust). The poor woman must have been living in hell while conscious even before she found out, even moreso now.

Stop comparing what you think you know to this situation all the people saying she must have known. You have a complete failure of empathy and are blaming her. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

? I'm confused. The woman herself says she experienced physical symptoms and signs, so is your post directed towards her...?

To be clear, I don't think she knew (and even if she knew, that obviously doesn't make it her fault at all), but I also don't think it's victim blaming to wonder if/say that there were physical symptoms or signs. Or are, as this isn't the first such case I've read about.

The symptoms make the wives more of a victim if anything, and not less.

I created a separate thread to discuss research related to male victimization / female perpetration to take it off this thread.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4834508-male-victimization-female-perpetration

It's absolutely disgusting how people come on posts like this purely just to NAM and to victim blame.

'i don't think it's victims blaming you question'- why do you need to question anything? Why do you think yourself so important that your questions about this woman's rape deserve an answer.

A woman has been brutally assaulted for many years, you have no right to answers to any questions. People's trauma is not for anybody to question.

And for the NAM BS shut up. You ONLY shout this when women speak out. You don't really care about men who are victims when you only speak about it to shut women up.

It's funny how the majority of women have been assaulted and harassed, but yet somehow people think it's not a majority of men who do the assaulting.

There was a story a few years ago about a husband raping his unconscious/sleeping wife and recording it and a thread created on here about it, I believe it was the police who informed her after finding the videos on his laptop when they were investigating something else but you had the same policing of language with NOT ALL MEN and posters reminding everyone that men get raped too.

And then there were also posters calling the woman a liar and that there's no way she can't have known someone had had sex with her, that she must have known because they personally themselves know they've had sex, or or that because they personally wake up the second someone comes in the room they wake up.

The type of poster who chooses threads like this to raise awareness that men get raped too never never seem to start their own threads or discussions about males who have been raped and raising awareness or organising to plan ways to support these men and it feels likes it's more about stopping women highlight there's some very shitty dangerous men out there.

And the grim reality is some of the men who rape, are actually someone's seemingly lovely dh, someone's perfect son, or the lovely heart of gold upstanding member of the community, rapists come from every single type of background.

In short, the signs and symptoms do happen/show up, but are not attributed to the right cause for obvious reasons (trust). The poor woman must have been living in hell while conscious even before she found out, even moreso now.

//

This is a really good point. Most of us would never in a million years come to you this horrible conclusion because we trust our husband loves us and would only ever protect us. Many symptoms or after affects could easily be brushed off.

Like a pp said the level of premeditation and planning is so fucking frightening

Imagine it. Meeting that poor woman and saying to her - "Men get raped as well you know, love".

"It's OK love, Not All Men are Like This"

That is you, you IDIOTIC, vacuous, Gen Facebook virtue-signalling, fuckwit NAMers.

Posting this again:

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/jun/15/the-sexual-assault-of-sleeping-women-the-hidden-horrifying-crisis-in-britains-bedrooms

@egowise 'i don't think it's victims blaming you question'- why do you need to question anything? Why do you think yourself so important that your questions about this woman's rape deserve an answer.'

If you were quoting me (which you might not have been), you misquoted as I said "to wonder if/say that there were physical symptoms or signs". "Questioning" slyly implies one is undermining the victim's credibility, but that's not true at all, as I was only repeating the victim's testimony herself that she noticed physical signs.

I don't think myself important, but the female gender important I suppose... I'm a woman, and afaik most users here are women. It's not the first time I've read about this husband drugging wife thing. So far I've read about it in my home country, in the UK, and now in France. It's clearly a thing / an online trend in certain communities.

My mum first mentioned one of these horrific cases to me a while back and the first thing we both wanted to know was if there were signs. Why? Because we're both women, and we want to know what to look out for, for ourselves and other women.

I genuinely couldn't imagine my husband (or any man in my life) doing this to me ever, but then those women probably felt the same. We were both in agreement that the men were absolute scum and the women were not to blame. Us feeling paranoid about the men around us, and wanting to know how we could be vigilant (for lack of a better word), didn't mean we were victim blaming the women.

Perhaps there were victim blaming posts but I think it's a huge reach to say wanting to know more about such cases – because it could be any married woman – is victim blaming.

Completely agree with this 🙌