WTAF? (SEXUAL ASSUALT/RAPE)

[BittenontheBum]

Not sure if there's already a thread about this, I couldn't find one.
I feel like I should be totally horrified that this disgusting excuse for a man found SO MANY other rapists to join in over the years. But sadly I'm not horrified anymore.
I am really fucking angry though.
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/france-man-films-wife-rape-b2362206.html?utm_source=taboola&utm_medium=Feed#comments-area
Would it be unreasonable to stay single for the rest of my life based on ALL the shit that men are doing/are capable of?
That poor poor woman 😔

Because no doubt she resisted his advances . What makes some men think they have entitlement to women's bodies ?

I would be interested to know how they define rape in those numbers.
Do they include coercion? Emotional manipulation? If not, I suspect those numbers are far higher.

What about the ‘boyfriend’ who thinks he is being kinky by pushing you back on the bed when you’re not expecting it and you don’t say no?
Is it classed sexual assault if your boyfriend’s mate comes and feels you up while he thinks you’re sleeping but you don’t protest or do anything, you just freeze?
What about the guy who lies about who he is to sleep with you?
Or the husband that sulks with you for days on end unless you just give in and do it to keep the peace?

All of the above have happened to me. And I suspect this is not unfamiliar to most of you.

I think the true numbers are far, far higher.

"The woman said she had flashbacks and that the drugging could have been the reason behind her frequent fatigue and ‘‘absent-mindedness’’.

Doctors often dismiss health concerns of women and find ways to explain them away rather than investigate their cause. Absent-mindedness and fatigue were symptoms I raised with a doctor and his response that it's something that happens to women my age, and to deal with it.

How could she have known these symptoms along with her pelvic pain (and any other symptoms she complained of) were because her husband was drugging her and allowing men to pay to rape her. She was unconscious.

There's so much victim blaming in this thread, it's horrifying. Those who are doing it should be ashamed of themselves.

Are you seriously naive enough to think only these 51 men are rapists in the UK? .0001%? Well, I guess you're happy in THAT world.

In the real world, estimates are anywhere between 1 in 3 and 1 in 6 women are raped or sexually assaulted in their life times. And as it's not those same 51 men raping everyone, there is a hell of a lot more than .0001% of the male population who are rapists, or rape apologists.

I don't think it is victim blaming as much as women would like to think that if 90 different men had sex with them while they were drugged, they would somehow know. I think it is a horrying thought to think that could happen and one would not have any awareness of it and people are questioning how that could be given their own experiences - not really doubting hers.

@Newbutoldfather I'm not sure you read what I actually said.

It's not JUST about this case in particular, or any case actually.
It's about how I feel.
Please don't minimize how I feel. Based on my own experiences (which you obviously don't know but with sexual assault stats for the UK I'm confident you could make a judgement) coupled with ALL these cases of horrific abuse women have/are enduring at the hands of men, it's no wonder I (and maybe others) would rather be single and somewhat safer if partners and husbands do this shit.
If you have been here for even a short period of time you probably have read other women telling how they are being abused, or being so abused and gaslit they no longer can see the wood for the trees.
At the ripe old age of 50, I am very happy to be solitary for the reasons I've stated. I DON'T TRUST MEN.

No @mindfluff my last post was a cross post with yours and in response to some of the earlier posts. But I think @Freefall212 said it really well

I think it is a horrying thought to think that could happen and one would not have any awareness of it and people are questioning how that could be given their own experiences - not really doubting hers.

This is how we deal with horror - comparing it to what we know because it helps us feel we could look out for the signs and stay safe. Seems like in this case she has reported some symptoms which we can now see as signs, but we cant fall into hindsight bias that she should have known, and the process of asking these questions carries with it an implicit assumption that you can do something to avoid abuse. Its that which is so damaging to victims who often say stuff like this to themselves too. Any signs she had could have been explained away - we dont know if her husband had rough sex with her or how often to explain her pelvic pain. As a PP has said, being absent minded is often brushed off by doctors. But can also happen for a lot of different reasons.

@Atethehalloweenchocs yes, in psychology that's called Fundamental Attribution Error. Applied to sexual assault cases, it's when you insist a victim had some control over becoming a victim, bc you simply can't accept that you might fall prey to the same fate without having any ability to stop it at all.

However, I really don't think asking whether she felt signs/symptoms – or acknowledging that she did, and those were perhaps brushed under the rug because who would suspect their husband was a monster basically – qualifies as either FAE or victim blaming. People just want to know, out of sympathy, paranoia or curiosity. Nobody is blaming her. The fact that she had symptoms makes her even more of a victim imo, not less. You've mentioned yourself that she did feel physical symptoms.

I did see posts saying "I don't believe she didn't know" but those posts are possibly a different breed. I think it's a bit emotive of PP to conflate those with any posts simply asking about physical signs.

Plus, in relation to the general population, there probably aren't many husbands like him, but based on the news / online communities, in terms of absolute numbers there are a fairly large number of husbands like him. It's a thing. In my country, a few perfectly middle class men were caught engaged in unconscious wife swapping too. So it might even be a good thing to flag that there were symptoms, only ignored, for potential victims' awareness.