to ask why this isn't being addressed as a huge sexist issue that frankly shits on women completely?!

[howaboutl]

I know some men are in this position but let’s be honest, it’s mostly women. Why isn’t there outrage about this? If there is how do I join and help make change?

My ex partner walked out on me and dd when she was 1. He doesn’t see her, his choice entirely. He has no other children and doesn’t live with any other children. I am left to pay a childcare bill of 1,300 alone, while he contributes 500 quid when he is working. He works on temporary contracts so now and then I receive nothing despite him having in excess of 100k savings.

How is this accepted that I pay our child’s childcare bill alone? Is it just that there aren’t actually that many women (or men to lesser extent) in this situation so nothing is down about it because in the grand scheme of things we are a minority?

I cannot understand why I am expected to pay for OUR child’s nursery bill so we can both work? Why am I footing the bill for this and he is not?

@cleanbreak2022 thanks for sharing. I’ve felt so alone since my ex did this. He was a decent partner before our dc arrived, despite him saying he desperately wanted to be a dad. He’s a lowlife and I had absolutely no idea.

@howaboutl you are definitely not alone. You are part of an army. I was with my ex 15yrs!

A quote I read on here would have saved me so much anguish

'When someone shows you who they are look'

I wish I had looked, but we are where we are, it's what we choose to do next that counts.

Nothing stays the same

How much to you suppose 'all the tax credits' actually is? and what do you think happens to those women who claim 'all the tax credits' when their children reach 18 and leave home?

Do you consider it reasonable that in a single parent household where the parent earns £60k they are exempt from claiming child benefit but that in a house hold where 2 parents each earn £45k (so a total household income of £90k), child benefit can be claimed on top? Do you consider it reasonable that a single parent income household earning £60k has one tax free earning limit but a household earning two lots of £30k has 2 tax free earning limits?

It is great that there is support through tax credits and universal credit for childcare and to top up genuinely low wages. But there are many, many hard working single parents who don't benefit from this whilst also not receiving child maintenance from either a non-working or tax dodging, self employed or agency worker ex.

I agree with PP- criminalise non payment as child neglect.

It is a disgrace. Around 90% of resident single parents are women, and it is very deliberate that the entire system is set up to disadvantage them.

Child maintenance set at 15% income? What resident parent has 85% of their income left to spend as they choose having covered the costs of housing, feeding and clothing their child, let alone anything beyond the essentials?

CMS should be set at a level that covers 50% of the costs of raising a child, including childcare. And it needs to be enforced in a similar way to non-payment of tax: a criminal offence, automatic deduction from salaries, and severe penalties for non-payment. Confiscation of passports/ driving licences would be a good initial step, until all outstanding amounts are cleared and prison sentences in the event of prolonged non-payment. Deduction should also be prioritised - like taxes - above any other debts the person owes or other expenses they may have.

And then we have the tax system which enormously penalises single parents. A two parent household gets twice the tax free allowance, can still receive child benefit at twice the income, earn twice as much before higher rate tax is applied, and can earn twice as much before losing their personal allowance, tax free childcare and funded nursery hours.

The effect of that is that the single parent is taxed far, far more than a two parent household with the same household income, despite the fact that they are already trying to do everything (provide and care) in only 24 hours per day not 48, and are also therefore likely to have much higher childcare costs on average, so the tax system deliberately compounds this disadvantage.

If you run the calculations on the effect on net income after tax/ benefits and childcare, a single parent with two children in childcare has to earn £140k to have the same net income as a couple both earning average salaries of £30k. That is just astonishingly unfair, by any objective standard.

Of course it will always more expensive to cover housing etc on your own but then to be taxed more on the same income on top of that, making it even harder or almost impossible to earn enough to reach the average standard of living for a two parent family no matter what you do, there is something very seriously wrong with the system itself. In most countries the tax system gives higher allowances to single parents to level the playing field with two parent households, rather than deliberately compounding the disadvantage those families have already by virtue of one parent trying to fulfil two roles at once.

And yet, when these issues have been raised with both the Conservatives and with Labour, neither care or have any intention of removing these deliberate disadvantages and penalisations of single parents. The tax part is very easy to fix, any chancellor could do it. You simple double all thresholds and allowances for single adult households.

Rachel Reeves was in fact asked about this in her interview with Mumsnet not long ago but was not interested, when she could do this on her first day in office is she becomes Chancellor. 😡 Mumsnet themselves should be working on exactly this type of campaign and stated previously they'd research it further but have never said anything further about it that I have seen. And while it's been raised on many threads here before, there always seems to be a cohort of women who pipe up saying it would be "unfair" to tax single parents the same as a couple with the same income. 😒 Like they can't stand the thought of a single parent having an "advantage" (not being taxed more than them while continuing to do everything on their own, an advantage?! Basic fairness, more like).

These things really do need to change and anybody who cares about women and children would be behind such a campaign. I hope you manage to make some headway with it OP. Maybe it is worth yet again trying to ask Mumsnet to get behind such a campaign, I don't know. Sadly most single parents are probably too exhausted to do much about it and those in power do not seem to care about it at all. We have no voice in parliament, even from the female MPs.

Excellent post. You summed it all up nicely. We have a shit and misogynist system/Government, which none of the main political parties want to change.

@Nepmarthiturn
My post above was in response to you.

It will take some campaigning to change it. I don't think a petition will do much: even if it gets enough signatures to be discussed in Parliament, no change would come from that discussion. What is needed is a concerted campaign from women's charities, children's charities and Mumsnet to hammer this home to politicians in every interview of meeting they have with them and press for a commitment to get this into next year's election manifestos: a commitment to immediately make these changes to the tax system and to criminalise non-payment of CMS, while increasing the rate of CMS substantially to somewhere more than a pittance.

And in terms of avoiding CMS through self-employment, a robust regime could address this as it does with tax: if HMRC deem someone's lifestyle not supportable from the income they have declared, and investigation ensues and criminal charges will be brought.

Same with moving abroad: systems exist to chase someone absconding abroad to avoid a tax liability, or indeed even student loan repayments.

It's harder but by no means impossible to implement systems to address this and make it clear that it is socially and legally unacceptable and will be pursued and punished. What is needed for that are new laws criminalising it and a CMS with far more resources and teeth, linked up to other agencies like HMRC to share information etc. That would also discourage such behaviour as absent parents would know non- or under-payment of CMS might lead to an HMRC investigation into their undeclared taxable income as well!!

So the excuses abound, but are nonsense. It's simply a matter of a lack of political will to address is hence my belief that the only way to change it would be some organisations with clout and access to politicians and the media making a lot of noise about it and a sustained campaign to publicise the issues until there is a commitment to change it all.

The tax system changes I proposed - a simple doubling of the allowances and thresholds for single adult households - is SO easy to implement, a very simple change to tax law. And there really is no justification for NOT doing it given the data over many years from other countries showing this works, and actually pays for itself in the long-term because you have better child outcomes (so less state reliance, better health and more productivity from them as adults) and it also means it is easier for single parents to work, again productivity increase plus less reliance from those parents on the state both now and later in life (to top up lost pension incomes, etc).

It's a no brainer really from a moral and financial point of view so really the ONLY reason it's not being done is misogyny, plus the fact that single parents - the ones who are responsible and stick around and do the work of two adults - are demonised rather than applauded and nobody wants to be seen to be "helping" us. By simply not taxing us more on the same household earnings! It's not like we're asking for the moon on a stick. 🙄

I agree that a petition won’t change much, allow I think it should still be created.

As you said it would require women’s and children’s charities, Mumsnet, etc to pick it up and run with it.
Imagine a big celebrity/personality getting involved, such as Marcus Rashford MBE who shamed the Goverment by taking action, and which resulted in school children continuing to receive free meals during the school holidays.

@Mumsnet ?

*although I think

Yes someone like Marcus Rashford could give this a lot of publicity. Having been raised by a single mother he might be interested in it. It might also help to shame female MPs into action that they have ignored the issue and a young man is able to grasp a feminist issue and the deliberate penalisation of women when they have not...

One other thing that baffles me is that I thought that when a bill goes through Parliament there was a required to analyse whether it complies with the Equality Act 2010 or whether it discriminates against anybody with a protected characteristic. It is quite clear that the tax rules we have constitute indirect discrimination against women for the reasons I've stated (nearly 90% of resident single parents being women). So therefore when the budget is passed each year and these discriminatory rules are tacitly reconfirmed as Parliament passes that budget bill without making any changes to them, where is that Equality Act analysis of compliance? This us one way that a campaign could pressure for change: to point out to the MPs that they cannot vote in favour of any Government budget bill without breaching the Equality Act.

And then make a huge amount of media noise about them doing so, if they continue to vote through a Government budget bill again which doesn't change these tax rules, after this being a breach of the Equality Act has been pointed out to them.

Mumsnet and some of the women and children's charities should have lawyers who'd be able to get onto such a campaign? You'd hope! I can't think of many more worthy causes that affect women's lives to such a hugr extent and would have such an enormous impact just from making these very simple changes to tax law.

How exactly??

it's all very well saying that & writing to your MO, but HOW do YOU think people can be forced to step up?

@ThursdayFreedom see my posts below. If CMS rates are set at an appropriate level and non-payment is criminalised and pursued with the same vigour as tax evasion - with similar criminal penalties including imprisonment - then the desire to attempt this would reduce significantly (currently people know they can do so with minimal, if any consequence).

We have people imprisoned for non-payment of Council tax even. It is a choice for society to accept non-payment of your share of your child's costs as a less serious offence. Even the US enforces child maintenance payments far, far more robustly, and at much more significant percentages of earnings.

If taxes can be applied and pursued and under-declarations of income investigated and punished and absconders pursued abroad, there is no reason the same can't be done for child maintenance.

You can’t force somebody to be decent.

and you cannot seriously expect such sanctions from the government? The government already puts a safety net in for low income families. Maintenance is not taken into consideration when they calculate how much financial assistance somebody needs. Therefore maintenance becomes a ‘bonus’ so to speak.

honestly, what you are asking for is for the state to be responsible for your picking to have a baby with an idiot, it’s not the governments business, they already offer housing, childcare and benefits to you, why would they then waste even more money on chasing, prosecuting and impronsoning your waste of space ex? What would the government get out of doing such a thing?

@Mumuser124 maintenance is not a "bonus". Single parents on low incomes due to childcaring and using state help are barely scraping by. Why the bloody hell should the men, regardless of how early or late they abandoned their responsibilities not be pursued by the same agencies that pursue tax avoiders?

Yes: all of this.

I am a lone parent. I've been doing that since my children were 4 months old and 1 year old.

No, I don't get UC or tax credits or child benefit. 🙄 Yes, I have a full time job.

I also have a chronic health condition myself. And zero family support.

And like you I am sick to the back teeth of the comments about how we must be getting lots of state help. I've never seen it?! Only the enormous tax bill, paying far more than a couple with the same household income, while trying to do everything myself.

I'm sick of these misogynistic assumptions. We must all have just slept with random men or "tricked them into having children" (like you can force a man to have unprotected sex)? Nope, my children's father was my ex-husband and they were very much planned. In fact he pushed for it. Recklessly married someone we barely knew? Nope, we'd been married for years before kids and lived together for many years before marriage. We must just be stupid and ignored "red flags" and if we'd been as wise as others and married someone else it would have been fiiiine? Which ignores all of the research which shows that many men become abusive or leave only AFTER children are born.

Constantly trying to find some way to blame the women for men's behaviour, the women who are doing EVERYTHING, who are the heroes and the responsible ones sticking around and caring for and providing for their children, rather than the feckless men who run off and do and pay nothing.

It needs calling out every single time. And frankly even if a woman did make some unwise choices, she and her children do not deserve to be penalised, denied the state enforcing that the father pays 50% of the cost of raising THEIR child, or to be taxed more than a couple on the SAME household income, deliberately making her and her children poorer on top of the disadvantages of having to provide for children and raise them alone with only 24 hours per day to do all of this.

Anybody who comes out with this nonsense needs to take a long, hard look at their moral compass and stand up against this deliberate discrimination against women and children, and the narrative that it must all be the women's fault. 😒😡

Maintenance is not taken into consideration when they calculate how much financial assistance somebody needs. Therefore maintenance becomes a ‘bonus’ so to speak.

Maintenance should most definitely be taken into consideration, and this is what needs to change. Maintenance to feed, clothe and raise a child up to 18 years of age should not be considered a ‘bonus’!

I dodged creating and raising my DC with an idiot, but I still want the system to change for others, including my children and society as a whole.

Oh here we go again.

It must be your fault, women are responsible for men's behaviour. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

No. We are not.

And no, many single parents do not receive any state support whatsoever. Nor are we asking for it. No, I do not receive "housing or benefits" and it is demonstrative of your prejudices against single parents that you presume so.

We are stating that both of a child's parents should be forced - if necessary - to pay 50% of the cost of raising them. And yes, I do "seriously" expect that this should be enforced in the same way with similar penalities as for non-payment of taxes. Why would it not? Tax is paid for the benefit of wider society. Refusing to pay for YOUR OWN CHILD's needs is far more morally reprehensible and the law should reflect that. As it does in many, many other countries.

The Government exists to serve its citizens. Deliberately disadvantaging women and children does not do so. The mark of a decent society is how it treats its most vulnerable members.

And no, I should not be paying more tax than a couple with the same household earnings. That is an absurd situation and like I said, one that long-term data from abroad proves to be a false economy as a policy and cost the state MORE in the long-term as well as harming children's life outcomes. As well as those of the women you want to demonise.

I’ve just remembered that Ian Katz, formerly the deputy editor of the Guardian, then the editor of BBC’s Newsnight, now head of programming for Channel 4 was until quite recently married to Justine Roberts, the founder of Mumsnet, for twenty-five years. Therefore, sadly Mumsnet is unlikely to champion this.

So depressing that there's always at least one economically illiterate idiot who comes out of the woodwork supporting misogyny and discrimination and victim-blaming. Living in cloud cuckoo land under the impression that this could never happen to them and so prepared to throw other women and their children under the bus.

I had this issue, my ex paid £120 per month and I was left to pay £780 per month nursery bills plus all other bills relating to DD. Then when DD was 13, and needed no childcare, he managed to persuade her to stay at his more so he could claim from me, it would have been £700 per month as I earn more nowadays. But he was self employed and fiddled for years to keep his payments minimum. It's infuriating!!!!

@Nepmarthiturn if I could high five you and scream it from the roof tops I would!

Oh. That might explain their very poor response to when the issue has been raised previously, on multiple threads I have seen. 😔 If you can't even rely on "Mumsnet" to champion simple tax and regulatory changes that discriminate against women and children, then what on Earth would make a change? Everything is stacked against it, set up to prevent any change. How many MPs are single parents? Compared to what percentage of the adult population? That would be an interesting comparison. I suspect the answer is that Parliament is not remotely representative so, as a PP said, no surprise that our children have no voice in the political decisions made.