to ask why this isn't being addressed as a huge sexist issue that frankly shits on women completely?!

[howaboutl]

I know some men are in this position but let’s be honest, it’s mostly women. Why isn’t there outrage about this? If there is how do I join and help make change?

My ex partner walked out on me and dd when she was 1. He doesn’t see her, his choice entirely. He has no other children and doesn’t live with any other children. I am left to pay a childcare bill of 1,300 alone, while he contributes 500 quid when he is working. He works on temporary contracts so now and then I receive nothing despite him having in excess of 100k savings.

How is this accepted that I pay our child’s childcare bill alone? Is it just that there aren’t actually that many women (or men to lesser extent) in this situation so nothing is down about it because in the grand scheme of things we are a minority?

I cannot understand why I am expected to pay for OUR child’s nursery bill so we can both work? Why am I footing the bill for this and he is not?

@Freefall212 just talking about childcare costs, not the costs of running the home, which I appreciate both parents pay for separately in separate places.

@Dixiechickonhols that’s awful, so sorry to hear this. They’re just not accountable are they.

see Id also like to see the father's company split the cost of maternity leave too - he cant actually CARRY the baby, and yes I know there now is an arrangement to split leave (although in early days its still likely to be the mother) but I think it would be interesting to see if the promotions and opportunities that seem to start slowing down women's career progressions when she is of an age where she MIGHT be considering children would be less impacted if the maternity costs were balanced between both parents.

because we know that they are not allowed to ASK if you are planning a family, but it doesnt stop them considering it, and Im pretty sure that Ive heard that its regarded as detrimental to women, yet a bonus for men, to have children.

That maternity burden could also include some pension contribution too. Balance the gap up, and take it at souce so that women are not penalised for carrying a child created by both sexes

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

“He works on temporary contracts so now and then I receive nothing despite him having in excess of 100k savings

Obviously too late now, but this is why these boards are full of women saying "marry before kids". Half of his assets minimum would have been available as part of a divorce settlement.“

…But again, this is just another example of the way in which UK legislation hasn’t caught up to protect women.

In countries like Australia, Australian law generally treats unmarried spouses in a de facto relationship in the same way that it treats married spouses. So after 6 months - 2 years of residing together, a non-married partner can make a claim on the shared assets, especially with regard to looking after children.

UK law is a disgrace with regards to protecting single mothers. The child maintenance scheme is an absolute disgrace also; too many mothers get nothing and are left to carry the financial and practical burden of raising children which is enormous.

Your anger is rightly placed. The pendulum has swung to far with regard to Parliamentary laws protecting men’s interests. There needs to be a massive revolution with regards to changes to laws for how children are financially supported.

Because it suits them(the people in power-predominantly men)in several ways .

1. We've seen from some of their behaviour that they would find themselves on the wrong end of such a law.

1. As absurd as it sounds a lot of the electorate would revolt.

1. It keeps women as a convenient scape goat . Either the single mum on benefits trope that everyone is encouraged to hate and look down on, or the working mum , not paying enough attention to her kids so they end up "delinquents". Either way, a woman's place is in the wrong.

1. Because women and children are not a priority. Tbh I think this just about sums it up.

@ApplesInTheSunshine sometimes you think you know someone and even after years you realise you don’t. I’d bet my home if you met my ex partner you’d think he was quite the catch, decent, dependable etc. Lots of people (men) change after children and it cant always be predicted. There are also children who are born as a result of failed contraception.

Focusing on how the children have come about is again feeding into a nice narrative for men to do as they please. If you’re father, you pay. It’s not, ‘as a father, you pay, but let’s also blame the woman for… well I don’t know what really… getting a man wrong? Believing he was decent?’

Men just need to start doing right by their children. You know, like women do.

Wow this is an excellent idea! Not seen this raised before! That would really enforce equality in the workplace and instantly remove the "risk" of employing a woman of childbearing age. What a great idea @NettleTea

I agree it's disgraceful but most single mums will get a substantial amount of childcare costs paid for by the government anyway in the form of Universal credit or free childcare places so really the government are just forking out for what non resident parents should pay same as the way child maintenance isn't taken into account either. If the man ( usually) fails to contribute then the government just pay anyway. Higher earning resident parents are disadvantages because they may not get either CM or benefits.

@AngryGreasedSantaCatcus completely sums it up! It needs to be talked about more. Some men (not all) are absolutely abhorrent when it comes to their responsibilities as a parent.

It’s complete bullshit. My ex and his new wife have a combined household income of £100,000 per year. But my ex pays me just £1,300 per month. After my rent and bills, it doesn’t cover food and uniforms as well. I have appealed with the CMS over and over again. Eventually it went to a tribunal and they LOWERED it to £12,000 a year! It’s an absolute joke. I am unable to work and rely on CMS to raise HIS children.

@Babyroobs men should pay for their children, not the taxpayer.

@BibMeUp they lowered it?! Why?!

Yes do write. I’d be happy to sign a petition. It’s outrageous.

Yes exactly but even when men do pay the tax payer still pays because CM isn't even counted or deducted from benefits.

Sorry I missed the part in the OP where it said "sanctimonious and unhelpful comments only".

This.

It's an absolute fucking disgrace the amount of deadbeat fathers that shirk their moral and financial responsibility.

And don't get me started on the pathetic and abusive fathers for justice and their flying monkeys of 2nd wives who enable this shit.

@Mumuser124 agree. I suggested this months ago, funnily enough he couldn’t be arsed practically as well as financially.

Because apparently £1,300 pm is more than 16% of his monthly salary. He now voluntarily tops it back up to £1,300 but he’s taking Caribbean cruises and driving new cars and saying it’s all because his wife is a high earner.

£500 a month, lucky you I have 4 kids and get nothing, would love £500 a month and wouldn’t be complaining

@Babyroobs true, but again this is men causing this issue as it’s the only way resident parents can have any form of support towards the upkeep of the child.

@MaxwellCat eh? Please don’t be part of the problem! We should be supporting each other not saying one is better off than the other. This sort of thing holds the patriarchy in place.

Of course £500 is better than someone who gets nothing? I can’t believe the outrage of someone paying £500 a month yet I post about getting nothing and barely get a response, genuinely don’t know how much people want in maintenance that £500 for one child “isn’t enough” yet you post that ex doesn’t pay a penny and no one responds I have had a payment in 6 years £500 sounds good to me

I agree with you OP.

It should be maintenance PLUS 50% of the childcare bill.

Stop victim blaming. Blame the men that abandon their kids not the women who stick around and pick up their slack.

I don’t have kids but I find it vile when men do that and don’t understand these women who get with them and go onto Create a new family . I generally don’t date men with kids but if I did I’d have to speak to the mother of the children to make sure he was fully playing his role as a dad.