to ask why this isn't being addressed as a huge sexist issue that frankly shits on women completely?!

[howaboutl]

I know some men are in this position but let’s be honest, it’s mostly women. Why isn’t there outrage about this? If there is how do I join and help make change?

My ex partner walked out on me and dd when she was 1. He doesn’t see her, his choice entirely. He has no other children and doesn’t live with any other children. I am left to pay a childcare bill of 1,300 alone, while he contributes 500 quid when he is working. He works on temporary contracts so now and then I receive nothing despite him having in excess of 100k savings.

How is this accepted that I pay our child’s childcare bill alone? Is it just that there aren’t actually that many women (or men to lesser extent) in this situation so nothing is down about it because in the grand scheme of things we are a minority?

I cannot understand why I am expected to pay for OUR child’s nursery bill so we can both work? Why am I footing the bill for this and he is not?

Start a campaign that requires a prison sentence for absent parents who do not contribute financially to their child's upbringing.

Lots of Mumsnetters will support you.

These men wriggle out of it by not working or getting paid cash on hand. I think America has it correct in how it deals with these men. They need to get their benefits taken off them plus their driving licences if they don’t work and contribute. They should also have arrears put against them. If it wasn’t so easy to walk away they would have to take responsibility.

Agreed. My ex pays half the nursery bill on top of maintenance because he's not a total shit

I think I quite clearly wrote that op’s ex is a shitbag.
But what if he doesn’t have the money. Not op but any one else?

No one cares about single mums. No one wants to bother to try to appeal to us despite us making up about a third of families because we are considered wrong uns and they don’t want to be seen to be encouraging us.

contrast that with the deification of single dads.

Society / taxpayers benefit from women being financially able to work after childcare costs.

No, it won't. Stop being ridiculous.

I'm a single parent working compressed FT hours (5 days in 4). I earn too much to get a penny in support (£60k) but my childcare bill per month is £2k. It makes it very difficult.

It definitely needs an attitude shift that none payment is child neglect. For it to be socially unacceptable in same way attitudes to drink driving or smoking has changed.
DH’s dad never had contact or paid for 3 children (he moved abroad) He died during Covid and his funeral and obituary was online. No mention of the 3 children he neglected just gushing about what a nice family man he was 🤢

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz sorry you are suggesting I marry to ensure the father of my child pays for his child?

Not that it is relevant why I may or may not want to marry but I actively chose not to marry, it was a choice I made because I didn’t want to be a wife. I shouldn’t have to marry for the father of my child to pay for his child and the fact this is even raised just perpetuates the narrative that women must play by the rules (largely made by men) to ensure men behave decently. No thanks.

Him being a prick should be irrelevant

He should not have a choice whether to pay or not

Other countries manage it!

@Tlolljs suppose he should be in the same scenario as the mother? Anyone earning a set minimum should be forced to pay their share of childcare, and as we all know, people earning as little as 20k pay towards childcare.

@stargirl1701 thank you. I do intend to address this. I will research how to start the campaign!

It definitely needs an attitude shift that none payment is child neglect

^

Yes. And who will initiate this attitude change?

Men.

But they haven't. And won't. We're still waiting, @men!!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/ChildsupportintheUnited_States

Start here OP. Loss of drivers licence is popular in some states.

Don’t understand loss of drivers licence either. Won’t be able to go to work then!
I agree it’s shit. But I just don’t see how it’s enforceable.

If he really couldn’t afford it then I would expect him to do exactly what mothers in that situation do. So for me I’ve changed careers entirely, I’ve worked evenings and nights, compressed hours, reduced hours, used family and friends for help etc.

Some men do but the majority don’t bother changing anything at all, both when in the relationship and when separated. Life just never changes for them, it just goes on as normal and they keep reaping the benefits of working us to the bone, and it’s so unbelievably unfair. Mandatory splitting of the childcare would go a long way to rectifying that disparity.

This problem would be so widespread if people were more careful about who they’re having children with.

*wouldn’t

It's outrageous, if all single mothers with fathers who didn't contribute have up work the country would be even more screwed than it is now. Let the government try and sort that mess out. We need a single mother who's never had any maintenance (eg me) to run the CMS.
Confiscate passports , access to all accounts eg savings.

A percentage was never going to work, enforced 50/50 is too complex (and costly), I wonder if it would be better for their to be a minimum amoung a non-resident parent pays, say £500 per month, and then x amount more for earnings in say £5k increments. It would also be better if no matter what it was automatically taken from wages (apart from the self employed).

Alongside changes we also need huge changes to the childcare system in the UK.

I married it made zero difference he lives off his girlfriend so he doesn't need to claim benefits his savings are in her name

Yes, no work means the none resident parent has £0, so they get to see how the resident parent feels, sounds pretty good to me.

I think the only way to govern this would be to make 50/50 custody manditory.

the system in the UK is absolutely bloody ridiculous. I've lived in a number of countries and it's better everywhere. It's taken according to child's needs and the abselt parent must pay their share. And if you hide money, bailiffs will come after your assets. so no you can't drive a flashy car claiming you don't earn a cent. The 7 quid a week is a bloody disgrace. Which child can live on 7 pounds, how is this supposed to work?