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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should take his own child to school?

489 replies

ApplesandOrangesandPears · 23/06/2023 08:40

I have a neighbour who's child is my daughters class, every day this past week this child has showed up at my door unaccompanied to go to school with us - this would be fine but my child has ADHD and mornings are chaotic and difficult. I don't have this child's parents phone numbers, and don't know exactly where they live! However I just saw the parent in their car driving away as I was trying to bundle all 3 children across the car park.....this child is very young and so I don't feel comfortable sending them home alone and clearly the parent isn't waiting for them to get home before leaving themselves! I don't have any contact with these parents so if something were to happen I wouldn't be able to let them know, we are also going away soon and won't be able to take him to school! AIBU to think this is really cheeky of the parents and that you shouldn't just assume another parent will take yours to school with no prior conversation at all!

OP posts:
Overthiscrap · 23/06/2023 09:22

If they are are a neighbour why are they driving? They can’t lice that close! Could the child have said that you had asked them to walk with you? I think I would be chatting to school.

Lapland123 · 23/06/2023 09:24

This is crazy

Let the school know first thing this morning, and contact social services
The poor kid is only 7
Im aghast
Some people don’t deserve to be parents

ChocChipHandbag · 23/06/2023 09:24

Overthiscrap · 23/06/2023 09:22

If they are are a neighbour why are they driving? They can’t lice that close! Could the child have said that you had asked them to walk with you? I think I would be chatting to school.

The neighbour is driving to work from the car park outside his house, which is shared with OP.

Lapland123 · 23/06/2023 09:25

And the police

Original poster
ApplesandOrangesandPears · 23/06/2023 09:25

Again, I'm not expecting the school to pass on the childs details to me I'm simply informing the school of that is happening.

And yes we walk to school, I don't drive and I certainly wouldn't be putting a child in the car without a carseat. I wouldn't even send the child home alone. I don't see the parent at all in the mornings. I can't wait outside for them, I have enough on my plate trying to sort my own two children. Obviously it's a concern but I'm not going to send a child away, and I have to get my two to school on time and then get to work. The first few times as a once off I was willing to let it go as the child isnt in danger with me - not that it makes it less concerning - but now yes, the school are informed. I see that I should have contacted them before but I don't think I've been the irresponsible parent in this situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
ApplesandOrangesandPears · 23/06/2023 09:26

And yes the car park is communal, there's a lot of houses that park their cars there so the neighbour isn't driving to my house.

OP posts:
Fighterofthenightman1 · 23/06/2023 09:27

Why would you have taken the child to school the first time without talking to the parents?

If a child turned up at my house I'd just tell them to go back home or take them home myself. There's absolutely no way in hell I'd drive off with them without actually speaking to the parents first. You could be accused of all sorts.

ChocChipHandbag · 23/06/2023 09:28

My feeling is that this is a small community, maybe a village school, school is a short walk from where OP and the other family live, while I am not excusing the father in any way it seems a bit more analogous to the situation where I might be parking up 5 mins walk away from my son’s school and see another Mum walking by with his classmate, so I ask her to walk them both the last 5 mins to the playground because I’m in a hurry. The difference is, of course, that I ask!

Doggymummar · 23/06/2023 09:30

I'm guessing the child has told his father he will walk to school with your child as they are friends, not that the father is dumping him on you. You know what kids are like for fibbing.

ChocChipHandbag · 23/06/2023 09:32

Doggymummar · 23/06/2023 09:30

I'm guessing the child has told his father he will walk to school with your child as they are friends, not that the father is dumping him on you. You know what kids are like for fibbing.

It’s not even fibbing though, is it. A 7 year old doesn’t know that his friend’s Mum needs to consent to taking care of him on the walk to school.

Rachykins · 23/06/2023 09:33

I have to say; I’m shocked that you’ve just kind of accepted this random child being dumped on you for nearly a week without saying anything. It’s no wonder their parent has just assumed it’s now okay as you haven’t done anything to question it at all!

The other parent is completely out of order and no normal parent would do this without having a polite conversation about if it’s possible their child could walk with you but I’m equally as surprised at your acceptance of the situation. Have you not even asked the child what their parent has said or attempted to grill them a bit about it? You just seem to be completely bone idle and have just assumed everything is all rosy for the last week! I really hope you report it seriously and don’t make it frilly round the edges as if it isn’t a problem. This is bizzare!

Pinkclouds80 · 23/06/2023 09:35

It’s been said already but this is way more serious than cheeky, it’s indicative of a lot problems for that family. Please please go to school safeguarding lead AND the local authority - you can do it anonymously and it’s likely they are known to services already. You don’t say how old that child is but if you’re not comfortable with the idea of them travelling alone Im assuming primary. This suggests dad is really struggling / not equipped and there needs to be some intervention to make that child (and any others in the house) safe - and the first response will be to support them.

SayHi · 23/06/2023 09:35

I would prove a point.
Either set off much earlier or take your son in later (let the school know).

I would be tempted to watch the child and see if the parents take them or if they’re expected to walk by themselves or something and then I’d report to the school.

I don’t know the age that children are allowed to walk independently to school so there may be nothing the school can do but I wouldn’t make it easy for the parent to use you.

londonrach · 23/06/2023 09:35

Tell the school. Also either leave early or walk child back to parents house. At 7 they can tell you. If parents not there ring police and report abandoned child. Please don't keep taking child to school without parents permission as you putting yourself at risk!

mynameisnotthis2 · 23/06/2023 09:36

At my child's school seven year olds have to be dropped off at the classroom door in the mornings, and school needs to be informed if someone else is picking them up. This is so strange!

Have you asked the child why they come to your house everyday?

MinnieGirl · 23/06/2023 09:38

This is unbelievable.
Someone you don’t know has dumped their child on your doorstep? Are they actually just waiting outside your front door? And you say you don’t know where they live but you saw them driving away? What does the child say to you? Did they say mummy and daddy say you will take me to school?

So you are now left in charge of a child you don’t know? And who doesn’t know you?

I would ask the child where they live and knock on the door. If no one is there I would actually phone the police. The parents have abandoned their child. If you took the child to school this morning, phone the headteacher. And raise it as a safeguarding issue. And say you will not be doing it again.

anonymousxoxo · 23/06/2023 09:38

Grow a backbone, learn to say no.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 23/06/2023 09:39

I'm a DSL and you should tell the school who will check with the family that the child is expected to go to school on their own. It sounds pretty much as though:

Child's parents have decided child will go to school unaccompanied (depending on individual school, this may be allowed, even at a young age- I'm in secondary but my daughter's primary allowed kids to come and go unaccompanied from 10 onwards with no prior agreement with the school, and from 7-10 on signing a disclaimer absolving the school of responsibility)

Child has said Billy who lives there goes to my school, I'd like to walk with him.

Parent has taken this as tacit agreement from Billy's Mum that that is OK.

Obviously it isn't. So contact the school and they'll advise the parents. It's not safeguarding as such, all other things being equal, but school should be informed.

ChocChipHandbag · 23/06/2023 09:39

This thread is typical, typical Mumsnet. It’s so bloody tedious.

OP has made sure a child gets to school safely. The child’s parents are behaving extremely badly. She’s now asking for advice about what to do. So let’s all round on the OP and berate her for not having done anything yet, say smugly how we’d NEVER do what she has done, roll our eyes about what an idiot we think she is. Honest to God, this whole forum is just a massive outlet for people to attack others and express the sanctimonious and judgmental opinions that they suppress in real life. (As well as being full of people with zero reading comprehension skills).

Watchinghurling · 23/06/2023 09:40

What are you doing? I would put the child in the car and drop them at the police station. Explain to the police what's been happening and that you don't know the parents! The police can follow it up.

mindutopia · 23/06/2023 09:41

If the parent is only just driving away in their car when the child shows up at yours, that means they have plenty of time to leave 5 minutes earlier and drop their own child off at school in the car. Yes, I would speak to the school and ask them to address it with the parent as a safeguarding concern. That way, it's out of your hands and the school is made aware. This is, in case, for example, another parent is bring the child home to an empty house in the afternoons.

knittingaddict · 23/06/2023 09:45

This sounds very odd. The very strange behaviour by this "neighbour" AND the very strange behaviour by the op.

Shinyandnew1 · 23/06/2023 09:47

but now yes, the school are informed

What did they say?

knittingaddict · 23/06/2023 09:47

Fighterofthenightman1 · 23/06/2023 09:27

Why would you have taken the child to school the first time without talking to the parents?

If a child turned up at my house I'd just tell them to go back home or take them home myself. There's absolutely no way in hell I'd drive off with them without actually speaking to the parents first. You could be accused of all sorts.

Exactly this.

CitizenofMoronia · 23/06/2023 09:48

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 23/06/2023 09:39

I'm a DSL and you should tell the school who will check with the family that the child is expected to go to school on their own. It sounds pretty much as though:

Child's parents have decided child will go to school unaccompanied (depending on individual school, this may be allowed, even at a young age- I'm in secondary but my daughter's primary allowed kids to come and go unaccompanied from 10 onwards with no prior agreement with the school, and from 7-10 on signing a disclaimer absolving the school of responsibility)

Child has said Billy who lives there goes to my school, I'd like to walk with him.

Parent has taken this as tacit agreement from Billy's Mum that that is OK.

Obviously it isn't. So contact the school and they'll advise the parents. It's not safeguarding as such, all other things being equal, but school should be informed.

now now now, don't you be coming around here being the voice of reason and pointing out the bleeding obvious. This is Mumsnet you know,.. there are standards.

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