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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should take his own child to school?

489 replies

ApplesandOrangesandPears · 23/06/2023 08:40

I have a neighbour who's child is my daughters class, every day this past week this child has showed up at my door unaccompanied to go to school with us - this would be fine but my child has ADHD and mornings are chaotic and difficult. I don't have this child's parents phone numbers, and don't know exactly where they live! However I just saw the parent in their car driving away as I was trying to bundle all 3 children across the car park.....this child is very young and so I don't feel comfortable sending them home alone and clearly the parent isn't waiting for them to get home before leaving themselves! I don't have any contact with these parents so if something were to happen I wouldn't be able to let them know, we are also going away soon and won't be able to take him to school! AIBU to think this is really cheeky of the parents and that you shouldn't just assume another parent will take yours to school with no prior conversation at all!

OP posts:
NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 26/06/2023 11:01

BadNomad · 26/06/2023 10:42

#sarcasm
#yrtft

Show quote history

Apologies. I had remembered you were one of the few sane posters who had RTFT so was surprised to see that it seemed you hadn't.

AS seems to show lots of namechangers/new to MN posters not RTFT so I think we're now being taken for a ride. Not in the OP's non existent car obvs. Brew

Ultimatedogsbody · 26/06/2023 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ITryHarder · 26/06/2023 13:58

MoroccanRoseHChurch · 26/06/2023 06:25

Finally! Monday is finally here and fingers
crossed the school has had a word with the CFs and they’ve made arrangements to get their own child to school.

They have made arrangements to get him to school. They apparently taught him which way to walk. That he likes to walk with another little friend whose house he stops at is perfectly normal.

ITryHarder · 26/06/2023 14:29

If this were a poll where some organization was trying to get the statistics on how many people run to judgment that might hurt or destroy someone before they get the facts and how many people want facts before they judge, the judgers win without a doubt. That's really pathetic! Especially when many of them haven't even read or ignored the facts that were presented.

SoccerStars · 26/06/2023 15:41

House12 · 24/06/2023 19:38

God the hysteria. A perfectly lovely 7 year old is dropped off by a parent to walk a short distance to school with their friend and their parent, picked up at the end of the day by their own dad, and you’re all frothing at the mouth and telling this woman to call social services and branding it neglect?! Granted OP didn’t consent to this arrangement, and I get OP being annoyed (and resentful it sounds like, at this parents perceived ability to not give a shit while you’re running around mad), and I might be too, but a word with the parent about your busy mornings is more than enough if you don’t want him to walk with you. And you’d probably find there’s a connection to be made if so. No one’s life is any easier than yours is the thing I tend to find when I quit being furious and take a breath. If the kid likes you all and prefers to walk in with you guys than get dropped at school it’s hardly a reason to call the cops.
Please don’t follow this horrible frothing judgmental kindness vacuum of advice. What a horrible, horrible place mumsnet is.

Exactly, disgusted at people being so eager to get police and social services involved when common sense in these situations is to talk to the school or parents. It was obvious from the outset the kid was allowed to walk to school and he was just stopping by to walk with his mate. When I was a kid any parent in OPs situation who was irrritated at the arrangement would just ask their kid to ask their friend not to call in for them because they’re busy or talk to the parents at pick up time.

BlueLiz · 26/06/2023 17:26

What a flaming cheek. What if you’d already left and the child was left on their own? These parents need pulling up. Definitely report it to the school as it’s a safeguarding issue. But I would have it out with the parents too, as other people have said ask him to show you where he lives and tackle the parents head on. It’s totally unacceptable to expect this, they don’t even know you!
Stick up for yourself.

Magicmama92 · 26/06/2023 18:03

I'd go over and speak to them. I would say your child is your responsibility to get to school I don't need the extra responsibility. If it continues I will have to take this further as it's not safe for you to leave a young child.

londonrach · 26/06/2023 21:07

On daily mail or mirror now....

Nanny0gg · 26/06/2023 21:52

Magicmama92 · 26/06/2023 18:03

I'd go over and speak to them. I would say your child is your responsibility to get to school I don't need the extra responsibility. If it continues I will have to take this further as it's not safe for you to leave a young child.

Why doesn't MN have the Facepalm emoji?

ITryHarder · 27/06/2023 00:14

OK, let's try another scenario.

OP takes the harshest advice offered by some of you. She reports them to the police. The police say "but it's legal for the child to walk to school by himself if the parents approve. So what are you actually upset about? That he likes walking with your son". She calls social services. They come back with a finding that the child stops at a friend's house to walk with him. Nothing unusual, but the mother lodged a complaint so we have to investigate. They find nothing unusual, but this family will be forever in their crosshairs because someone once lodged a complaint. She talks to the school. It can do nothing but mention to the child's parents that OP is not happy that he stops at their house each morning. They probably privately wonder why OP has a problem with a child wanting to walk with her child, but since she voiced disapproval, they'll have to intervene. They talk to the parents and tell them this lady is uncomfortable with their child stopping at her house in the morning to walk with her son.

The parents tell their son he can't stop there anymore. So, each morning, OP sees him sadly walking past her house all by himself. She'll feel sorry for him, but she caused it. Eventually, he meets another little boy who's happy to walk with him and his mother doesn't mind. Now, OP's son feels sad because his friend found another friend because his mother didn't like his friend stopping at their house each morning.

All that could have been avoided if OP had spoken to the parents first.

ITryHarder · 27/06/2023 00:37

And what's with this phrase - "it's a safeguarding issue"? Is that something you're taught in parenting classes? I suppose if some man let your child pet his puppy, report him to the police because it's a safeguarding issue. A stranger helps your child after she falls off her bike... he touched her, report him, it's a safeguarding issue. Jiminy Christmas!

Ultimatedogsbody · 27/06/2023 02:52

Sad that when people give their opinion others jump on them original post didn't mention anything about child being allowed to walk to school on their own op said the child turned up at her door Step didn't know who's parent etc saw no parent there and it's normal really for facy a kid she don't know been left on her doorstep for her to get on with ot and no parent anywhere to be seen.

It's a safeguarding issue. It might not be now several posts later when more details have been divulged by op but initially it sounded like one

So let's not judge when we all have the right to say what we feel wijout being ridiculed or judged thankyou for your cooperation

Sayjay27 · 27/06/2023 07:14

Wow lots of bad parent comments, I definitely would get a hold of the parents a letter for the little one to give to mum in the school bag or if the child can show u where mum lives, u have no idea if this is a ‘bad’ mum or a struggling mum. A victim of dv hiding bruises or a mum who has depressIon, ect. Definitely go speak to the mum first! See why she is sending her child round to u for a lift to school. We have all had our own personal battles the most common the over judgements of other parents! Plus this post is now in alot of newspapers! #bekind

Bubblyb00b · 27/06/2023 07:28

If the kid is "allowed to go by themselves to school"- at 7, really? but ok - I would just tell them to go ahead. And maybe say in a nice way - could you please head straight to school next time darling, we will see you there.
I really don't like being responsible for someone else's kids.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 27/06/2023 08:06

Ultimatedogsbody · 27/06/2023 02:52

Sad that when people give their opinion others jump on them original post didn't mention anything about child being allowed to walk to school on their own op said the child turned up at her door Step didn't know who's parent etc saw no parent there and it's normal really for facy a kid she don't know been left on her doorstep for her to get on with ot and no parent anywhere to be seen.

It's a safeguarding issue. It might not be now several posts later when more details have been divulged by op but initially it sounded like one

So let's not judge when we all have the right to say what we feel wijout being ridiculed or judged thankyou for your cooperation

As Safeguarding Lead at my school, it never sounded like a safeguarding issue to me, which is why having read the OP's post, I was one of many telling her to speak to the school if she felt uncomfortable. Which she did. And they confirmed.

The thread has become a joke now as people continue a)not to bother reading her updates b) shouting "safeguarding" at every available opportunity neither knowing what the word means, or in which contexts it's applicable with children. Not everything out of the ordinary involving a child is a safeguarding issue.

I'm one poster who reported your deleted post btw. And I can remember what you said. So you don't get to come back now and accuse others of jumping on you.

@ITryHarder Exactly. You'd be surprised (or probably not) what "safeguarding" issues are brought to us every day. As you can see from this morning's crop of posts, we've moved on from the almost undoubted truth of the matter (child telling his parents he wants to walk with his friend) to the mother being a victim of domestic violence. Hmm

KR2023 · 27/06/2023 09:41

"It's a safeguarding issue" is the new "health and safety" rubbish that people spout without knowing what on earth the are talking about but want to sound knowledgeable

islandofserenity · 27/06/2023 11:55

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 25/06/2023 21:22

🤣 I've never quite known anything like it. I've read grumbles on other threads before about reading TFT or at least the OP's updates, but never come across it before.
I'm sure the poor OP has hidden the thread and I don't blame her.

Show quote history

there are another 2 threads running just now where some people have been so horrible to the OP. I despair at Mumsnet sometimes. I only started posting 4 weeks ago and have been shocked at a lot of posters.
I always live by the mantra " walk a mile in someone's shoes before judging them!"
Hope you are ok @ApplesandOrangesandPears xx

Lacucuracha · 27/06/2023 12:38

Ineke · 25/06/2023 18:17

Report it to the school. This is a safeguarding concern as others have said. Understandable if you had an arrangement in place with the parent but as you have not, you are taking many risks taking the child with you to school. You could be accused of anything as there are no other adults with you. Alarm bells are ringing here.

A deja vu alarm would be more helpful at this point.

Stewball01 · 27/06/2023 12:41

I often wonder why people have kids.

Bugbabe1970 · 27/06/2023 16:26

So
You just started taking a random child to school with you! How bizarre!

Bugbabe1970 · 27/06/2023 16:28

Why is everyone saying tell the school? Go to the house and tell the parents you are not responsible for taking their child to school!

ChrisPPancake · 27/06/2023 19:03

Bugbabe1970 · 27/06/2023 16:28

Why is everyone saying tell the school? Go to the house and tell the parents you are not responsible for taking their child to school!

If you'd read op posts you'd know she can't in fact go to the house because she does not know where the child lives. She has spoken with the school about it. On Friday.

Nanny0gg · 27/06/2023 19:22

PLEASE @Mumsnet can we have a Facepalm emoji??

Pretty please?

ITryHarder · 27/06/2023 21:50

Bugbabe1970 · 27/06/2023 16:28

Why is everyone saying tell the school? Go to the house and tell the parents you are not responsible for taking their child to school!

To your first post, OPs not taking a random child to school. A child like any other is stopping to walk with her son, both of which generally walk way ahead of her and her younger child. I agree with you that she should have approached the parents rather than the school since she obviously feels imposed on. Why, I don't know, she's not responsible for him anymore than anyone would be if they saw any child getting ready to cross in traffic.

I'm actually starting to feel sorry for the parents of the little boy who stops. They probably have no idea about all the talking about them behind their backs that has gone on, and may be lovely people and loving parents. We don't know these things unless OP talks to them.

MoroccanRoseHChurch · 27/06/2023 22:31

🤦‍♀️