AIBU to think this is grim. Funeral.

[ThatFraggle]

A group of mourners all in normal funeral clothes. Some more formal, some less. Some not black. Fine.

Then a group of three girls. They looked older than primary school age, but younger than A level.

The one was in a skintight mini dress she kept having to pull down.

The other two were in those hotpants-vest combo unitard things people seem to wear these days. Basically like a spanx leotard, coming a couple of inches below the bum.

Yes, it's hot. And yes, people can wear what they like, but surely there's a time and a place, and a funeral is not the place.

AIBU that if it were my young teens coming down for a funeral dressed like that, I'd tell them to go back upstairs and get changed?

Those girls did no harm to anyone with their outfits. You don't always get things right at 13. What's really grim is a grown woman noticing them enough to judge them, getting in such a state about it that she has to post her judgment of them on the internet hours later, and then spending two days frothing online about them.

Well said. I am so very pleased that I don't know a lot of MNers in real life, I couldn't stand their judgemental company for more than five minutes. Anyone who goes to a funeral and comments on what others wore has their priorities very screwed.

I’d say the immediate ie closest family.
So the husband for a wife. For example.
If you are close enough to be there you’ll know if your attire is disrespectful or not.

But the OP didn’t comment. She expressed her THOUGHTS on MN.

Alternatively if finances are the issue most kids that are at school presumably will wear uniform. So trousers or a skirt plus a shirt or t shirt. Whatever the uniform is.

Lol 😊. You probably do know MNers in real life, but, like serial killers, you can’t tell 🤣. Social media is one seriously weird world.

Very depressing quite right. However there is no need for kids to have new clothes bought when they already ( I assume) have a school uniform they could wear. So no one should put themselves under unnecessary financial strain.

No need for black these days. Unless someone’s set a dress code which I think would be very odd.

I have been collecting & studying etiquette books and materials since the late 1970s. I can assure you that it is not about "making people feel comfortable."

That's a trope used by people who want an excuse to do as they please regardless of social conventions.

What on earth? Why?

I don’t understand. Why are you surprised?

Like I said up thread we live in a judgemental society and you can't change that. If you have daughters or sons they will be judged on how they look, speak, their principles, marriage material, trustworthiness etc etc etc.

All I can say is thank goodness I don't live in the UK if young people are judged on their "marriage material"!!!!! Yes, we do live in a judgemental society, but some things people are judged on are just plain stupid. Principles and trustworthiness are important, and I agree that there are times when people are judged on how they look, although I try not to do it myself - but how they speak, and their marriage material, is beyond ridiculous.

I have heard of people taking selfies at funerals. Awful. And weird.

I really don't think I do, given that I live a very long way from the UK I'm actually not sure if it is MNers who are a different breed, or Brits in general.

Sometimes you don't get much warning for a funeral. Speaking as someone who buried my father yesterday, with all the admin and organisation beforehand, I only turned my attention to what my 11 year old daughter would wear a day or two beforehand. I just pulled out a summer dress I thought looked ok. I can imagine in another person being more distraught, less organised and not having something appropriate in the wardrobe, with less time and less money (funerals are extremely expensive as is) not giving it much thought and letting the kids dress themselves. My dad was buried in a T-shirt and tracksuit bottoms at his request (he was a runner) by the way. He hated suits. As it is, I looked at my daughter at the graveside in the blistering heat yesterday - where is your sunhat I asked her? Left behind she said 🙄 Normally I'd be on that before leaving the house but yesterday there was just too much going on 🤷🏻‍♀️

Really sorry for your loss, hope you are doing as well as can be.

I’m glad you don’t know MNers in real life. Thankfully, my friends and relatives (mostly) are a nice, non-judgemental bunch, too. I often find white, middle class Brits very judgmental. MNers are weird and sometimes I I tell posters exactly what I think; then I get a load of abuse lol 😆. If you’re Australian I envy you.

She is COMMENTING on MN, and judging. Commenting = express an opinion or reaction in speech or writing. Which is what she did.

People with good manners and breeding do not comment on what others are wearing - especially to a bunch of random strangers. They might say something behind closed doors to family or friends, that is not what judgy pants OP has done.

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune do you tut audibly at all these people who are offending you, just walking around living their lives?

Why, in your mind, is discussing it with a friend (who could potentially say to someone who knows them, 'ThatFraggle said...') MORE private than discussing it with people who will never interact with them irl?

I have to say my friends in the UK are nice people too, although I have no idea if they would judge what a teen wore to a funeral.

Not Australian sorry, I live in NZ.

@Ilovecleaning
I often find white, middle class Brits very judgmental.

I have taught a lot of Asian women from different religions and secular backgrounds. Obviously we've discussed cultural issues, particularly involving the British way of life. Its,always interesting to see how we're viewed.
If your teenage daughter was invited to a mosque with an Asian congregation and you dressed her in hotpants and a cropped top, do you think she'd be judged? Or if you think that's a ridiculous,question, what would you dress her in?
You indeed may be Asian so your response would be even more interesting.

Because people with good manners and breeding don't gossip.

So every thread on Mumsnet is gossip.

Why are YOU on here gossiping?

Yes, when my own grandfather died, I wore my new (age 11)school uniform to the funeral (minus tie).

So much internalised misogyny in one thread. This is the stuff I hope to protect my girls from.