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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much cash for wedding present

46 replies

Toohotto · 21/06/2023 16:08

It's my nephews wedding tomorrow at a very nice venue. Me, dh, adult dc & partners, so 6 of us, are all going to the whole thing.
Is £100 from the 6 of us not enough, or too much? We can afford £100, more if it is deemed to be tight. I don't want to spend more though, as there's outfits & accommodation. I'm not asking adult dc to contribute due to cost of living. We're mortgage & debt free so I'd rather pay their share fir them.

OP posts:
bibbityboppityboo · 21/06/2023 16:12

Surely your adult DC and partners are giving their own card / gift at this wedding?

£100 from a couple is standard I think, but I'd only give what you can afford.

JaceLancs · 21/06/2023 16:12

I would give more
I usually say £50 per person
so £100 for DP and I if adult DD and DS came £200 etc
so I would probably give between £200 and £300 for all of you

Hadalifeonce · 21/06/2023 16:12

I am very much a give what I can/want to kind of person. So if this a comfortable amount for you go with it. It is a generous amount in my mind.

bibbityboppityboo · 21/06/2023 16:12

Sorry just re read about adult DC and COL! £100 for six people, in my personal opinion, is a bit light. But it's all dependent on what's affordable!

darkmodeon · 21/06/2023 16:14

The adult DC & Partners should be paying for themselves unless there are special circumstances. If all they can afford is £20 then so be it.

Toottooot · 21/06/2023 16:16

Pretty stingy between 6 adults.

yadeciN · 21/06/2023 16:16

I think adult DC and partners should give their own cards. Wven if they put 20 in, buy nice card, it's fine.
I always say what can one afford is fine that's it.
I am not in "cover your plate" group.

Highfivemum · 21/06/2023 16:16

For 6 adults that is a small amount. To be honest I think as adults you should all do a card an a gift you can afford. Even if they put 20 pound in a card that seems better than you doing a job lot as if they were children.

Thedogscollar · 21/06/2023 16:17

That works out at just over £16 each. I'd say that's tight. Obviously it depends what you can afford but you mentioned it's going to be a very nice wedding.
Myself and husband gave £200 to my nephew we travelled up to Scotland included it in a holiday.

Original poster
Toohotto · 21/06/2023 16:22

Thank you for your replies. Deep down I thought £100 was tight from all of us. Of course my adult dc have got their own cards. If I want to pay their share that's up to me, I just want to make sure we're not being tight as a family.

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 21/06/2023 16:24

£50 to £100 from a couple seems standard.

BuffaloCauliflower · 21/06/2023 16:32

I do £50 for friends, but I’ve got 2 cousins weddings next year and will give £100 for those.

Sceptre86 · 21/06/2023 16:33

Adult children and or partners should give a gift themselves if they are working and no longer live in your home ie. they are independent adults. For a nephews wedding I would give at least £100 if it was just me and dh attending.

gogomoto · 21/06/2023 16:37

£25 per head so £150 is the minimum really though personally I hate giving money, I either give a gift or if the couple say no gifts, I give a donation on their behalf. If I remarry it will be 100% no gifts, but people can bring a donation (actual or money) for the food bank. Weddings should not be about gifts

Original poster
Toohotto · 21/06/2023 16:41

@Sceptre86 my plan is to give my adult dc their share of the gift to put in their cards. Of course they both work, but there is a cost of living crisis, things are tight for some young couples!
If I can afford to help our adult dc with their share then I will.

OP posts:
Pkhsvd · 21/06/2023 16:42

£50 per couple is fine in my opinion. It’s nice of you to help your DC

Chowtime · 21/06/2023 16:42

It should be £100 from you and your dh and then your adult children should be giving their own gift and card or card with £100 in.

pinkyredrose · 21/06/2023 16:45

£100 from you all is plenty! They're not throwing a wedding to get gifts!

Totalwasteofpaper · 21/06/2023 16:45

£50-£100 is normal.

£300 from the 6 of you would be the minimum that would be considered not stingy.

In our family we would give and expect about £400Ish
the dc and partners would be £100 each in a card as younger and you and your Dh would do £200.

Saying that we give £300 as a couple to any weddings of family we go to.

AnnieMay55 · 21/06/2023 16:46

I think probably £40 or £50 from each of the adult DC couples as they will know they perhaps don't have as much spare cash and then £100 from you and dh. Just another opinion.

toastofthetown · 21/06/2023 16:46

From my experience at my wedding £50-100 per couple is standard with some giving more and others less. If I were you I’d give £100 from you and your husband, and £50 each from your adult children and their partners.

Original poster
Toohotto · 21/06/2023 16:47

@Pkhsvd thank you for your nice comment about helping my adult dc. Some people on here think once the adult dc are earning then they should be paying their way, no exceptions & more help from parents. It baffles me, times are tough for a lot of people, especially with high rents/mortgages

OP posts:
ALittleBitAlexa · 21/06/2023 16:47

We got married recently and £100 per couple seems to be standard. I think £50 per couple would be fine, but £100 from 6 adults isn't great. £100 from an uncle and aunt would be better tbh, then £50 from each cousin + partner would be fine, so I'd up it to £200. £150 minimum.

BeetyAxe · 21/06/2023 16:48

Yeh it should be about £100 per couple really. Maybe £100 from you and your husband and each of the DC can give £50 each.

Anaemiafog · 21/06/2023 16:50

£300 would be my gift. £100 per adult couple.