Do you let your children have sleep overs with opposite sex?

[Maztek]

My Dd has a friend who I’m about 90% convinced is actually a little boy. They’re best friends and they play here all the time which is fine but they really want to plan a sleepover and I’m not sure. She’s never had a sleepover with a child of the opposite sex before and not sure if I’m just being overly cautious. They’re really sweet little kids and I’m sure all would be fine but I’m just feeling uneasy about it! They’re 9 for reference.

She probably is just a little girl OP, perhaps with a medical or sensory reason for the shaved head and quite "boyish" facial features.

If she were trans, or otherwise a male presenting as female, she probably wouldn't shave her head.

In any case, it seems you've decided you're going to say no, which you can do for any reason you like. I do feel sorry for this little girl, though, if that's what she is.

I don't allow my DC sleepovers with anyone. While I may have met parents and their DC, I don't know who else is in their house so no, I wouldn't be putting my DC at risk.

I think there are boyish features and girlish features, but with a big overlap so you really can't tell. I mistook a long haired three year old girl in gender neutral clothing for a boy once as she had a boyish face.

Same here.

For my 10 yo - I've met the school parents now and again over the years but I don't know the parents of the kids she plays with in our estate. Just their addresses.

My teenager - I don't know any of the parents.

I quoted the wrong post but hope you get what i mean.

Some 9 year olds have started puberty- have periods etc.

My 9 year old son has female friends to stay over, they top and tail on his bed in sleeping bags.

Your post isn't making sense. If your child gets along with he/she what is the real need for them to stay over at your house? You dont know enough info about them it's odd.

The poster said facial or vocal features, if there are body changes such as breasts then that is different.

I think it’s disingenuous to say this.

In many, many, many cases (I dare say ‘most’), it’s perfectly easy to distinguish between boys and girls at the age of 9, because of the way they present, the clothes they wear, etc (in many cases, the usual gender stereotypes)

If you were to take a group of 9YOs and give them all the same haircut and dress them in identical clothes, then sure, it would be difficult to tell - for some - which are boys and which are girls.

But that’s not real life. In real life, it’s easy to tell the difference most of the time.

Where are you getting best friend from? It’s a new friend.

At 9 - as at most ages - friendships ebb and flow.

Right, and the OP has said several times now that she won’t be organising sleepovers with the other child.

I had sleepovers with a close male family friend when we were around that age, it was all very innocent. I get our parents being close was likely a factor though which isn't the case here

But the whole point is a 9 Yr old in a dress with a skin head is going to make it hard to decipher sex as its "mixing" the sex presentation

I’m not questioning that……….?

I’m questioning the PP who said ‘prepubescent boys and girls look and sound identical’.

They blatantly don’t.

My son is 8 and he is friends with girls. I wouldn't have an issue with sleepovers at this age. Slightly odd to assume 9 year olds are thinking about sex 🤷🏻‍♀️

But the differences are surface dressing, so fundamentally they do. That's the point.

I disagree, but it’s a circular argument - because 9 times of 10 you can tell, whether that’s ‘surface dressing’ or not (and plenty of times it’s not). The whole point of this thread is that the OP is in the very unusual position of not being able to tell.

I’m questioning the PP who said ‘prepubescent boys and girls look and sound identical’.

That was me. And they do. Remove the external cues such as haircut and clothes, they are indistinguishable. OP is suggesting this is a boy purely because of the skinhead.

But it’s a pointless argument, since we can’t remove the external cues.

And I disagree that they’re always indistinguishable - yes that’s often the case. But not always.

DD (16) sleeps over at her male friends' houses and they sleep at ours. Only done it since Covid so from 14ish, never before.

I definitely know they're boys too!

@Louoby we know that many kids at that age have already seen porn. they have older siblings who will talk about seeing opposite sex bodies etc and have a curiosity. They also know that touching genitalia feels nice at that age (and earlier) and that asking someone else to do it would be fun/nice. I know me, my wife, and many friends all had first somewhat inappropriate experiences around that age in one way or another.. I guess some parents might not be bothered about this if its not full sex?? but it's still certainly something I would want to avoid my child experiencing at that age.

The external cues don't always match the correct sex or there may be opposing cues like in the OPs case. Or sometimes there are no obvious cues, such as gender neutral clothing with in between length hair. A friends child has long hair, worn up, with shaved sides and gender neutral clothing. My DS wore basic jeans and plain t-shirts with bra strap (on a girl) length hair.

My point being you can't rely on cues and you can't rely on facial features or voices for prepubescent children either.

I worked at a local school a few yrs ago in a y1 class. One of the little lads handed out party invites and a couple if days later a mum caught me to have a word. She asked if the child (very obvious boys name ie david) was a boy. I was a bit taken aback and she quickly explained that she had asked her son what present would he like to get David and he responded with 'a barbie'. She replied 'do you think David would like a barbie. It's a bit unusual for a boy' and he told her 'davids a girl not a boy' mum queried tried to sort it out, asked another mum whose child also said the same as hers. The clothes he dressed in were very gender neutral but he had really long , thick beautiful blonde hair so apprently most of the class genuinely just thought he was a girl and their friend.

My son had a mixed sec sleepover with a girl when he was something like 12/13, at her house. But he has known her since they were babies, I have known the mum since me and her were babies. They may have slept in different rooms, I can’t remember