Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you let your children have sleep overs with opposite sex?

149 replies

Maztek · 21/06/2023 16:00

My Dd has a friend who I’m about 90% convinced is actually a little boy. They’re best friends and they play here all the time which is fine but they really want to plan a sleepover and I’m not sure. She’s never had a sleepover with a child of the opposite sex before and not sure if I’m just being overly cautious. They’re really sweet little kids and I’m sure all would be fine but I’m just feeling uneasy about it! They’re 9 for reference.

OP posts:
Opaque11 · 21/06/2023 16:01

What do you mean you are not sure if they're a boy??

BlinkeredBay · 21/06/2023 16:01

If they’re playing at your house how do you not know if they’re a boy or girl?

how old are they?

SunLover1985 · 21/06/2023 16:02

Why are you only 90% sure they’re a boy? Why the 10% doubt?

Berlinlover · 21/06/2023 16:02

You’re 90% sure they’re a boy? What does that even mean?

Leo227 · 21/06/2023 16:06

at 9/10 exploration starts (there's a post on here today about someone's 10 year old looking at porn) and so no I wouldn't risk mixed sex sleepovers. Boys were definitely starting to want to see private things / start to kiss girls at my school from a similar age too.

TheSnailAndTheWaaaail · 21/06/2023 16:08

I can't get past the not being sure if the child your DD is playing with regularly is a boy or girl?!

Original poster
Maztek · 21/06/2023 16:09

They have a girls name, wear a dress etc. but shaved head, and just looks and sounds like a little boy so I’m just not sure tbh!

OP posts:
BlinkeredBay · 21/06/2023 16:11

Maztek · 21/06/2023 16:09

They have a girls name, wear a dress etc. but shaved head, and just looks and sounds like a little boy so I’m just not sure tbh!

Has your daughter never asked? Do they use the boys or girls toilets in school (assuming they’re school friends).

Original poster
Maztek · 21/06/2023 16:12

My daughter just sees her as a friend that’s a girl. Apparently the other kids at school call the friend a boy and it upsets them etc. I don’t know. I have no problems with them playing together just not sure about sleepovers.

OP posts:
Opaque11 · 21/06/2023 16:14

Really odd. You have never met the parents?? Never heard them refer to the child?

Weal · 21/06/2023 16:15

No I wouldn’t allow a sleep over between mixed sex at age 9.

can’t they just do an evening dinner/PJs/film but then head home at actual bed time.

Pkhsvd · 21/06/2023 16:15

This sounds confusing but no I wouldn’t allow sleepovers with the opposite sex

darkmodeon · 21/06/2023 16:16

No

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/06/2023 16:17

Just be careful about what you say and what reason you give, especially if your daughter is allowed to have sleepovers with other girls in the class it could cause a lot of upset to the friend (regardless of what the child's sex is) xx

EmeraldFox · 21/06/2023 16:17

Mixed sex would not concern me at all under age 10.

Dartmoorcheffy · 21/06/2023 16:18

Don't you know the parents? How can you not know if this a boy or girl. How bizarre.

darkmodeon · 21/06/2023 16:18

EmeraldFox · 21/06/2023 16:17

Mixed sex would not concern me at all under age 10.

It probably should

Original poster
Maztek · 21/06/2023 16:19

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/06/2023 16:17

Just be careful about what you say and what reason you give, especially if your daughter is allowed to have sleepovers with other girls in the class it could cause a lot of upset to the friend (regardless of what the child's sex is) xx

Yes this is my dilemma I don’t want to upset or offend anyone. I might just do a blanket no sleepovers rule tbh apart from her old childhood friends who live in another county.

OP posts:
CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 21/06/2023 16:21

My DD's friends in primary were boys.

She had a couple of sleepovers with them around aged 9/10

Parents always offered she could sleep separately if she wanted to, but she always wanted to stay in the same room as her friends.

I will stipulate that I did know the parents well though and wouldn't let her stay with boys of parents I didn't know.

TooMinty · 21/06/2023 16:21

My DS is 10 and still goes on mixed sex sleep overs, mainly because most of his friends are girls. But I let myself be lead by the girls and their parents, as I think them being comfortable and happy with it is what is important. So if they wanted to stop I would end it.

Original poster
Maztek · 21/06/2023 16:23

I don’t know the child’s parents so wouldn’t be comfortable with my daughter sleeping at theirs, the sleepover would be here. I think I’m just going to say no as it’s not worth risking any offence to anyone.

OP posts:
Tdcp · 21/06/2023 16:26

Maztek · 21/06/2023 16:23

I don’t know the child’s parents so wouldn’t be comfortable with my daughter sleeping at theirs, the sleepover would be here. I think I’m just going to say no as it’s not worth risking any offence to anyone.

I'm sorry if I'm missing something but how do you not know the kids parents if they're at your house playing regularly? does your daughter go to theirs?

mast0650 · 21/06/2023 16:26

If my 9 year old daughter had a good friend who they played with regularly, I knew the family and had no concerns about the children's behaviour or the safety of the family home then I would be perfectly happy for them to have a sleep over at either my home or theirs.

If I didn't know the family/child well enough to know their sex/gender then I probably wouldn't!

Original poster
Maztek · 21/06/2023 16:27

They walk home from school together and usually stop here to play most afternoons.

OP posts:
Opaque11 · 21/06/2023 16:29

How do you not know the parents and just allowing her to stop over to play? She's 9, not 13. I would say to him/her that they need to get the parents to call you if they need to play.