Do you let your children have sleep overs with opposite sex?

[Maztek]

My Dd has a friend who I’m about 90% convinced is actually a little boy. They’re best friends and they play here all the time which is fine but they really want to plan a sleepover and I’m not sure. She’s never had a sleepover with a child of the opposite sex before and not sure if I’m just being overly cautious. They’re really sweet little kids and I’m sure all would be fine but I’m just feeling uneasy about it! They’re 9 for reference.

All the kids on this estate play together it’s not unusual

could you ask the child if she would like to grow her hair long?

At that age, mixed sex sleepovers are fine IMHO. My 13 year old has only now started to NOT have SOs with opp sex under most circumstances.

I don’t have an issue with mixed sex sleepovers amongst friends.

Have a sleep over but put the friend in your Daughters room to sleep and your Daughter into yours for the night. Don't leave them upstairs together.

Nope. Don't do it. In fact, I wouldn't be having a 9 year old I didn't actually know well, as in the family, for a sleepover, full stop.
Sleepovers, at 9 anyway, are not a compulsory part.of growing up, it's not a film.

Excluding the poster who seems quite open minded and enlightened , I can't believe the small minded posters on here and the comments about how don't you know the gender.
Sorry but do some of you live in the same world as me where we are arriving to move away from labels, gender stereotyping etc
DDs friend may well be a boy who likes to wear dresses and the OP does right to just accept them as they are without questioning.
I'm not questioning the fact she would feel more comfortable having a girl sleep over, but responding to comments such as "ask them if they want to grow their hair" WTF

That's quite tricky, really. Can you ask DD if they use the girls toilets? Get her to casually ask her why she shaves her head? Is it possible she's had cancer treatment rather than it being shaven?

I'm a safeguarding professional. We have single sex school trips and other facilities for good reason. Children can be very curious about other children's bodies.
This is not just any boy in a dress, which I'd agree is fine, this appears to be a boy whose parents are pretending is a girl.

The age for compulsory single sex facilities is 8 plus by the way.

@lovemelongtime

the OP does know the gender of the child: it’s their sex that she is not sure of. Sex and gender aren’t the same. And at some point - might be 9 yrs, might be older - sex becomes a more important consideration when thinking about spaces that people (of different sexes) share.

take them swimming & see what swimsuit the friend is is wears

No actually a bad idea!

Not, ffs

I wouldn't above age eight because this is when body curiosity can start.

?
You have never spoken to the parents before?
They're not going to drop them/pick them up from your house?
Weird

Yes my DD is 10 and I'm completely comfortable with mixed sex sleepovers.

Might feel differently in a few years though.

I think if you don't know the parents I'd just keep fobbing this off unless/until you can find out more, potentially forever.

I don't suppose you could ask the class teacher? I'd hope they'd understand that it's a safeguarding thing rather than just pure nosiness. You could say something like "Daughter is really keen to have X over for a sleepover but I'm not really sure whether that's a good idea, we usually let girls share a bedroom but I have boys sleep in the spare room. What do you think we should do?"

No I’m not going to be asking teachers or anything I’m just going to say no. Was just wondering what the consensus was on mixed sleepovers at this age (I was never allowed any sleepovers as a kid!)

Opposite sex siblings can share a room under 10 and it is not considered overcrowding

My dd had a mixed sex sleepover for her 11th birthday a few weeks ago (and other ones at her classmates houses too for their 11th birthdays). It was fine. I put them all in the sitting room where they slept on the floor in sleeping bags and it was fine.

If the only thing suggesting boy is the hair then why would you think boy?

@SybilWrites I think that's a bit different though, if its not 1 on 1

You're daughter doesn't know if her friend is a boy or a girl??

Crazy world.

If your not comfortable. When asked if your DD can attend sleepover just say ' oh no we are busy that day'

Problem solved