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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my mums friend visit while potty training

435 replies

raisinglittleones · 21/06/2023 13:59

We have decided to start potty training our 2020 baby this weekend - I’ve had it blocked out in the diary for weeks so we are all home and able to focus on the task at hand. We also have a 2021 baby so definitely need all hands on deck!

My mum has now sprung on me that a friend of hers (who is the dad of someone I used to go to school with as a child but haven’t seen in maybe 10 or more years) is staying with her this weekend and he would love to see me and the kids. I said that because of the potty training I wasn’t comfortable with having someone who is essentially a stranger (especially to my son) in the house while we are going through this big change, as I want my son to feel at ease and relaxed and not be overwhelmed.

She’s taken it personally and has said that I shouldn’t call him a stranger when he’s such a big part of our past and that his wife passed away recently so I should show some compassion.

AIBU? Am I overreacting? I've never potty trained before so have no idea what to expect - would it be fine if this guy pops round for an hour or so?

OP posts:
ContinuousProcrastination · 21/06/2023 16:27

What's a 2020 baby? January or December? Are they even ready?

Its a child who is at least 2.5 its pretty likely they are ready Hmm

londonrach · 21/06/2023 16:29

You being slight ott with potty training your 2 or 3 year old toddler. He or she either ready of not. You can't push it and it be nice to have a friend there.

Curseofthenation · 21/06/2023 16:29

I don't understand why it has to be stressful to do the Oh Crap method. You just whip their trousers and nappy off and wait for them to need a wee or poo. They get the idea pretty fast. Is it exciting? No. Did it mean that I didn't have to change nappies for another year or two? Yes.

I don't think many toddlers would feel disappointed if they didn't get it in two or three days, unless their parent acted disappointed.

I say this as someone that co-slept, BF on demand etc. I'm closer to being a hippy mum than a strict militant mum! Some people prefer to have one boring weekend for the pay off of not having a toddler in nappies until they're 3 or 4 years old.

PinkButtercups · 21/06/2023 16:32

'apologies to everyone I've offended for being organised.*'

🤣🤣*.

It's not about being organised you're just being way OTT about potty training. You'll even be surprised that I can take more than a couple of weeks for some kids 😉

PinkButtercups · 21/06/2023 16:32

It*

OhwhyOY · 21/06/2023 16:36

YANBU - having just done it with my DC, potty training requires lots of focus and support. It also involves lots of mess and some stress. A close friend visiting, fine. A man who's basically a stranger I wouldn't be comfortable with visiting my naked child and having to do small talk whilst child is potentially pooing in the corner of the room!

Lottle · 21/06/2023 16:39

Yanbu. We potty trained with nothing on their bottom half. Reading cues, staying at home for about 2 days with no visitors.

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 16:42

JenWillsiam · 21/06/2023 16:04

No they don’t, seriously. If you wait till they’re ready it’s an absolute doddle. Both my kids were done in under 24 hours because we waited until they were ready.

it was literally - right you use the toilet and / or potty now. And they did. Child 1 had one accident at home on first day and that was
it. Child 2 had one accident on day 2 when we went out.

beyond that I could count on one hand the number of accidents we had and each time was definitely a caught short issue rather than child issue.

if it’s a battle it means you’ve not watched for readiness cues.

Show quote history

Mine weren’t a battle at all, they were a doddle.

gavisconismyfriend · 21/06/2023 16:43

I think you’re being given a very hard time. If you want you and your toddler to have peace and quiet to work things out then that’s fine. Your mum can tell her fiend that you’re busy this weekend and you can see him another time. Your mum is probably looking to fill the time he’s staying and/or wants to show off her grandchildren. Both are reasonable things, but neither out trumps your wish to have a peaceful weekend.

thecatsthecats · 21/06/2023 16:47

I think that all the potty training chat is a complete distraction from the random man bit.

Because honestly, it doesn't matter WHY it doesn't work for you, you don't need to put yourselves out if it isn't convenient.

My husband and I refused an invitation to his godmother's birthday last weekend because it would have meant cramming around another visit and we were away the weekend before (and lots before that).

Sometimes you have shit to do. In this case it is literal shit.

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 16:48

CliantheLang · 21/06/2023 16:21

What's really bothering the Stepford Mums here is that a woman has the unmitigated gall to say "no" to any male.

If there's one thing that every dickmatized woman knows it's that women and children just exist to be bit players in any random man's life.

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BRAVA!!!!

The fact some random blokes need to see strange children is worth more to some posters than the OP’s comfort, says it all

Lcb123 · 21/06/2023 16:48

Surely this is a joke. It can take time, are you not going to leave the house until they're fully dry?

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 16:51

pigsDOfly · 21/06/2023 16:25

The 'poor husband' as you put it wasn't allowed an opinion on the matter.

The mother of the child decided that what worked for her mother would work for her and that was how it was going to be done.

Why do you make the assumption that the husband was leaving his wife to get on with it on her own? He wasn't, but as I say, his opinion and ideas weren't taken into consideration.

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Of course he was allowed an opinion, he conveniently chose not to have one.

BelindaBears · 21/06/2023 16:52

thecatsthecats · 21/06/2023 16:47

I think that all the potty training chat is a complete distraction from the random man bit.

Because honestly, it doesn't matter WHY it doesn't work for you, you don't need to put yourselves out if it isn't convenient.

My husband and I refused an invitation to his godmother's birthday last weekend because it would have meant cramming around another visit and we were away the weekend before (and lots before that).

Sometimes you have shit to do. In this case it is literal shit.

But the potty training is the reason she’s given for not wanting to see him in the OP, not the fact he’s some random man. If she’d said she didn’t particularly want to take time out of her weekend to meet this man full stop this would be a totally different thread. As it is, it’s all about potty training because what’s written in the OP is all about potty training.

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 16:53

Sunshineishere1988 · 21/06/2023 16:26

Ive seen friends kids wearing pull ups for months (again doesn’t matter, their choice how to do it), but I can see how confusing that is for the child going between pants and a nappy.

It was all or nothing for us and it worked. A few days running round the garden with the potty in the middle of the lawn. Big fuss when they do a wee/poo and the sunny weather is the perfect time to start. We did put pants on so got through many pairs the first day, down to just a couple of pairs in a few days, then pretty much job done with the odd accident at pre school.

I can totally understand why someone wouldn’t want a family friend over at least during the first few days.

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Yes we just got rid of the nappies and never went back.

I will say though we were fortunate to have good weather both times so we never had the piss soaked carpet some people here did, all the stray wee’s went on the grass

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 16:55

BelindaBears · 21/06/2023 16:52

But the potty training is the reason she’s given for not wanting to see him in the OP, not the fact he’s some random man. If she’d said she didn’t particularly want to take time out of her weekend to meet this man full stop this would be a totally different thread. As it is, it’s all about potty training because what’s written in the OP is all about potty training.

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And it’s a perfectly valid reason when you consider the method she’s using is a pants-off method

BelindaBears · 21/06/2023 16:55

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 16:55

And it’s a perfectly valid reason when you consider the method she’s using is a pants-off method

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I don’t disagree with that - it’s the pants off method that I think is bullshit.

WonderfulUsername · 21/06/2023 16:59

Even with your update OP, I think you're massively overreacting 🤷‍♀️

BodegaSushi · 21/06/2023 16:59

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 14:16

Potty training doesn't work on a calendar, it works when kids are ready

What makes you think the OP’s child isn’t ready?

My DC potty training had to work to a calendar because I took time off work to do it.

Also there's no such thing 'being ready', depending on the method you use.

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 16:59

BelindaBears · 21/06/2023 16:55

I don’t disagree with that - it’s the pants off method that I think is bullshit.

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Well don’t you potty train a child with pants off then - it works for lots of other people. Myself included - it wasn’t ‘bullshit’ given it worked twice.

Ive honestly never seen so much tantrumming and sneering about how other people potty train their kids. Potty training all has the same goal and outcome, why does it even matter what someone else did to reach that goal?!

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 17:01

BodegaSushi · 21/06/2023 16:59

Also there's no such thing 'being ready', depending on the method you use.

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I didn’t claim otherwise?

My kids were ready and I got round to potty training when I had the time to do it properly and quickly.

Not sure what’s so hard to understand TBH.

BelindaBears · 21/06/2023 17:04

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 16:59

Well don’t you potty train a child with pants off then - it works for lots of other people. Myself included - it wasn’t ‘bullshit’ given it worked twice.

Ive honestly never seen so much tantrumming and sneering about how other people potty train their kids. Potty training all has the same goal and outcome, why does it even matter what someone else did to reach that goal?!

Show quote history

No tantrums here. Sounds like it wasn’t a massive deal for you, just as it wasn’t for us - mainly because I didn’t use a method dictated to me by a book. And it shouldn’t be a massive deal for the OP either if their child is ready which is why people are suggesting

If she just doesn’t want to meet this person for whatever reason that’s perfectly fine.

Rupiduti · 21/06/2023 17:06

This is the strangest post I've read. You've booked time off work to potty train your toddler and need other people around to help with your other toddler? Honestly I just can't get my head around this. You must have tonnes of holiday to use as I could never waste precious holiday days to potty train a child.

Applestreet · 21/06/2023 17:06

I agree with you OP! I did the 3 day potty training method with my DC at 22 months and she was dry night and day within 3 days. But we really did stay at home that whole time, no visitors etc so I could totally focus on her. If you have visitors you’ll definitely miss signs and your child will have more accidents which will massively delay the process. I also booked it in the diary so I knew we had 3 clear days with no plans. A lot said it was too early but it worked perfectly and quickly

Seeusernamehistort · 21/06/2023 17:06

I’m on your side OP. We did it over a long weekend and yes we planned it , of course we did. It was all done in less than 3 days as the child was ready but the first day was really tough and I wouldn’t have wanted visitors. Stick to your plan