To think people in the UK are very lax generally about children being left alone?

[Toxicityofourcity]

Not from the UK. Some of the threads on here baffle me when it comes to leaving children alone. Children as young as 10 and 11 getting themselves home from the school, bus etc and letting themselves into an empty house. Being left for a few hours on their own. Have just read a thread about a 16yr old being left for 4 days... because she has to mind some cats?!? WTF? I just don't understand. This is not something that's done in my country at all. Is it a cultural thing? Do people not worry about house fires, accidents, abductions etc.? I just really don't understand it. But here on MN it seems totally acceptable?

When I was 16 I had a summer job. I stayed home when the rest of the family went on holiday for a week. I was glad if the independence and the novelty of having the house to myself.

Oh OP please go to Switzerland… it will blow your mind

What a very odd thread

Which country.

In the US they can drive at 15 and many walk to the school bus stop etc

My children are safer at home 16 and 10 without me then out with a load of children on their own but their own age eg 5 x 16 year olds together.

We have a huge house, elderly but active neighbours on both sides. Both have mobile phones but they live a 5 minute walk from a police and fire station.

we have a fully enclosed garden

we have two dogs and cctv and a ring doorbell

they can phone me at any time

they might use the oven if I’m not here - but other than putting a pizza in - they won’t do much.

we have huge first aid kits - burns etc and eldest is a scout leader and first aid trained

younger one has also done a survival course, first aid and started using the kettle aged 6.

We live in a quiet town in Somerset. They both have at least 10 phone numbers of adults they could ring if I didn’t answer who would come at 2 am. We have a fire extinguisher etc

by aged 8 I was roaming the countryside round here alone - and I mean alone no phone etc

eldest with regularly roam the countryside but they take their hiking stuff, water, phone, charger, map, compass and a first aid and survival kit - I honestly think it’s an overkill but as a gold D of E person - that’s what she does …..

In Scotland 17 year olds are often away on their own at university ( and do fine). It would be very odd if a parent didn't think they were safe to be left alone the year before!!

Very odd thread. I grew up in N Ireland late 80s early 90s and we had to walk ourselves to school , navigate public transport ,get home and wait for parents to arrive back from work after school etc. Totally normal. Someone’s mum would be home, all the children would play out after school and if you fell and scrapped your knee etc you would go to the house of the child who’s Mum was in that day.
Certainly none of the molly coddling mine have now.

🍪

OP, I haven't read the whole thread but I strongly suggest you don't move to Switzerland. You won't like it.

😂

The fact that people think a 16 year old couldn't look after themselves in their own home for a few days is completely mad to me... like pp says in Scotland they go to university at 17. You can drive, get married, have a baby... many people do leave home at that age. I'm not saying that's the ideal but hanging out with some cats for a couple of days is hardly comparable! What type of useless 16 year olds do you all know?! But seriously of course it depends on the child. Some 16 year olds would be more than fine and some may struggle. You can't put a blanket no on it

Child services in Ireland must be run off their feet responding to all these calls about a child walking home from school.

I think it's the opposite, I have German friends who were surprised people get babysitters for older primary aged children, they also left their then 16 year old at home who didn't want to go with them on a family holiday.

I think generally the UK has a really good balance on this. From secondary school age travelling to school on a bus/being left for a few hours alone - working up to be left alone over night for a few nights at 16/17.

How are you going to manage 3 years alone at university if you've been completely wrapped up in cotton wool your whole life and always been taken everywhere and never had to look after yourself at all?

My mum was quite a cautious parent, but even she was happy to leave me at 16 when she went away for a few days! I just went to school, came home, either went to my gran's for dinner or made something myself, watched TV and went to bed 🤷‍♀️No drama. I left home at 17!

I think the culture shift in our country in the last twenty years is responsible for the epidemic in mental health problems in teenagers. I recently taught 16-18 year olds, they were often brought by their parents and collected at the end of the day. I noticed the ones who came by bus or lived in student accommodation were more mentally stable and resilient. I had tears and meltdowns from the students everyday and this often included them running sobbing out of the classroom over perceived slights such as their friends sitting on a different table to them.

I moved out at 16, I worked two jobs and cycled between them and in my spare time cared for landlord who had cancer. I’m currently training my pre teen to shop and catch the bus by herself. I hope to build some resilience and independence in her.

Where are you from then op? I have Anglo/Japanese friends whose child was expected to walk to school alone from 6! Expected as in the school didn't approve of her over protective English ways of walking her child to school!

I thought OP would say she was from somewhere like Russia or the Middle East the way she was carrying on - not Ireland! Imagine if she visited a farming family - what a shock to see children on tractors and quad bikes!

I think we can all realise the OP is overprotective and latching on the confirmation bias to make herself feel better that all those
laissez-faire parents from the UK. Reckon the repeated mentioning of the 16year old cat sitter shows that.

Irony is I'm pretty sure children in the UK have been shown to be amongst the most overprotect in Europe.

Mind you i recall reading in the Irish Times, years ago, about a study that showed that Irish children were the most mollycoddled in the whole of Europe. Never been able to find it again do I'm starting to think I dreamt it!

Mollycoddling and overprotective is so bad for children (the 'over' bit is a bit of a give away!!). Causes anxiety and depression.

OP,
at 16 children are able to leave school here and also start work, so leaving 16year old alone for 4 days to mind the cat it's not a big deal.

I agree with you OP. It’s not a cultural thing, it’s just a difference in opinion thing. A 16 year old on their own for 4 days is not acceptable and neither is a 10 year old at home alone for a few hours.

At 17 I was at uni in a foreign country without my parents at all so can’t see why a 16 year old can’t be alone in their own home for a few days.

OP you should watch “Old Enough” on Netflix about children running their first solo errands in Japan as pre schoolers. You will lose your mind.

Absolutely mental thread! Of course 16 year olds should be able to be independent,.obviously unless any additional needs etc. By that age they should be building some independence not completely relying on parents! At 16 me and my siblings regularly stayed home for a week while my mum took our other siblings on holiday. We learnt how to cook and clean very quickly!
Where I live now children go to middle school in year 5 and loads of them walk to and from school without parents. It's a very safe route no main roads and they all have phones. I've started leaving my DC (almost 10) for an hour or so while I go shopping or for a run, gym etc. I know for a fact they won't move if glued to a screen.and they have a phone. They know to go to neighbours if any problems. Surely this is better than mollycoddling them their whole lives? People wonder why today's younger generation are unable to fend for themselves and the opening thread proves exactly why!

I think it also depends on the parenting, I always took my children to school and collected them, I got a job around their school time and never left them alone. X

My Irish husband disagrees with you.

This. In many European countries kids are left alone at home or taking themselves to school a lot younger than in the UK I think.

My parents would leave us at home every Wednesday morning from age 6/7 (no school on Wednesdays and they were working). My sister was regularly leaving her 5 and 6 yo at home whilst going to the market on the weekend.
And my brother spent time in school in Germany and from what understand kids would be responsible for themselves after school at 2-3pm from primary school. They would take themselves to after school club or home, make their dinner, etc.

Every family is different though of course, and it depends a lot were you live.

I'm from Ireland. I was getting to and from school by myself from start of secondary. Was also left alone for a few days at 16. Full week at 17. Everyone of my Irish friends was the same.

So your opinion is definitely not a reflection of Irish culture.