To think people in the UK are very lax generally about children being left alone?

[Toxicityofourcity]

Not from the UK. Some of the threads on here baffle me when it comes to leaving children alone. Children as young as 10 and 11 getting themselves home from the school, bus etc and letting themselves into an empty house. Being left for a few hours on their own. Have just read a thread about a 16yr old being left for 4 days... because she has to mind some cats?!? WTF? I just don't understand. This is not something that's done in my country at all. Is it a cultural thing? Do people not worry about house fires, accidents, abductions etc.? I just really don't understand it. But here on MN it seems totally acceptable?

It was very easy at one time to get a council house, they were desperate to get people in them to stop them going to rot.

I knew girls who had a child at 16 and were given the keys to their council house before the child was born, anyone over 16 could get a council flat of they wanted one.

I grew up in the 70s. A sixteen year old was pretty much treated like an adult (and I felt like one). I left home at 17 and was perfectly capable of living independently at sixteen.

If UK is lax in your opinion, then let me guess you are not from Europe either

Completely disagree. I don't think Ireland is a very strong example of what different cultures do as it's so close- but I get the impression that on the scale of things, the UK is pretty uptight about these things. I can't imagine there are many other places where a 10-11 year old wouldn't be capable of a couple of hours alone, or walking alone.

The British isles is a geographical term, not a political one, and what is now the ROI is, geographically, part of the British isles.

Although I understand why citizens of the ROI wouldn't agree with that.

OP has:
already said they live in RoI
has left the thread
is probably laughing their hairy head off about this furore.

What a bizarre thread. Ireland is not massively different to UK. Maybe OP lives somewhere where only one parent works. Around me nearly all households have two working parents or else a single working parent so there is no one home after school once the kid is too old for childcare.

In Ireland most kids are 18/19 finishing the leaving certificate, but there are still 17 year olds doing it and going off to university (I was 17 myself starting university). So really can’t see issue with leaving a 16 year old for a couple days.

IME in Ireland and I have lived in a few places most kids go to local primary school so wouldn’t need public transport. Loads of kids when we were in Dublin walked the last couple years of primary school. There are dedicated school buses for those living a few kilometres from the school.
Once secondary school starts then it’s very standard to go to and from school by yourself on public transport if you live in a city or large town. Rurally again there is dedicated school buses for those living too far to walk to school. There is no childcare for children of secondary school age so they are going home to empty houses because their parents are still at work…. So is very standard in Ireland that kids are home alone for a couple hours before they turn 14. At primary school level once they finish second class the options for after school care are reduced.

Go to any town or village in Ireland and there will be 9/10 year olds hanging around for hours with absolutely zero adult supervision

I think it sounds like your anxiety OP, not the capability of your children that’s the issue.

Dedicated school busses are not a thing in the UK unless you live in a really rural area. So it's public transport, shank's pony, or parental drop offs/pick ups.

At 16 I worked full-time, alone in a shop that sold hazardous chemicals, I unlocked it at 8am and closed it up at 5pm.

I'm actually mortified I swapped UK and GB in my post! I'm blaming it on the fact I hadn't had my morning coffee!

Although I will add that Ireland is classed as British Isles. I even double checked that - the Encyclopedia Britannica agrees with me 😂

Well you're entitled to your opinion but many people would say you are just wrong. A typically developed 16 year old is perfectly capable of being alone at home for a few days.
How would you like it if we described your culture as needlessly infantilising your adolescents?

It's actually one of the old stereotypes I heard about UK abroad. That teenagers got pregnant so they could get own and cheap housing. 😶

A 16 year old is not a child. Until fairly recently people could leave school and start work as young as 14. When I was growing up it was pretty common for people to leave home at 16 and move in with their partner to a small flat to start adult life. I know a few people who did that who are still together, 40 years later. At 16 I'd hope any child without SEN or MH issues could happily care for a cat and fend for themselves. It's good for them to have soem freedom and independence.

At age 12 I worked every night after school, looking after two small kids down the road until their mum got back from work. I personally would never let my own DC do this because I want them to focus on academic work, which I had no time or energy to do, but I was perfectly capable of behaving in a competent, mature fashion at that age.

Why baby older children and teach them they can't cope without us? How do they learn resilience and resourcefulness, self-belief and self-trust if they are encouraged to believe they can't cope, home along for an hour aged 12? My DC were allowed to take the bus into the local town and go for an ice cream or go swimming with friends from the age of 10. I wanted them to be independent. They are as far from neglected as children can be. I have to fight the urge to be a helicopter mum.

I think some of how "lax" some parents are may be down to necessity - who's paying a fortune for childcare for a kid who's perfectly capable and would prefer to simply come home than fart around with a childminder or after school club?

I don't think it's lax and think it's good for children to learn independence before they have to be it 24/7

I left my 16 year old at home for three nights to look after the cat 😂 I think my year 11 they should be able to stay home alone at least one night sensibly. It’s depends on the child, DS2 has ADHD and I am more wary of leaving him for longer periods, but at the same time he needs the opportunity to develop. I check in on him a lot when he’s left alone though, whereas DS1 I could trust more at a younger age. I agree we’ve got more cautious in the UK - I went to school alone from aged 7 (in the 80s) and babysat younger children from 11/12.

Love this story. DC were friends with a boy from a nearby farm when they were growing up. From age 8 he used to drive them around the farm in golf buggies and then tractors. He was a competent driver and I was happy to let him drive them.

So in ROI, the culture is not to leave any child/teenager alone until 18? I didn't know that - you learn something new everyday.

My 16 year old is always asking if I'm working in the office (rather than from home) since he finished his GCSEs last week, he wants the house to himself and to invite his friends around without Mummy hanging around.

I imagine you come from a country where lots of bad things happen? Some countries like the UK and other don’t have that mentality as they grew ip in a safe country.

I grew in a country with lots of bad news so this get in your head while DH grew up in a safe country and the things that worry me will never o worry him

Nonsense, my mum was a single teenage parent in the late 70s / early 80s and waited a year for a flat. There were a few areas of the country where they had no waiting lists and poor stick but it wasn’t the norm. Then Thatcher sold them all anyway 😂

Most 16 year olds are not having sex at all a small minority are and it's not a good thing.

Haha. I went on holiday to Spain at 16 so I think I was early able to look after the house for a week at that age.

I grew up in the US, not the UK, and I was left home alone full days every school holiday from 10. I was doing overnights by myself at 12 for several days in a row. And was travelling independently long distances (train/plane) by 14. I even did a university visit at 16 the entire length of the country away - 6 hour flight with connection (nearly had to sleep in the airport as there was a bomb scare and my flight almost got cancelled), taxi to hotel, and like 3 night hotel stay (my mum booked it and they knew I was staying alone).

I think there is actually much more of a culture of children being alone without parents in other countries, as the UK is quite well developed with good parental leave policies. In the US, with it's long school holidays but limited AL, it's definitely more so than the UK, and certainly in other countries where I've worked it wasn't unusual for 10 year olds to be home alone and caring for younger siblings too.

They get school buses from about the age of 5 or 6 in the US don't they?

OP I find your view baffling tbh.

I grew up in rural Wiltshire and walked 30 mins to school from age 11.

I also had divorced parents but a very middle class upbringing and travelled from my mums to my dads by train at age 13 from Bath to Cambridge, going via London and going on the underground by myself. I had to navigate the tube using a tube map but had done it before with my parents.

the world is obviously a bit of a different place from when I was 13 (I’m 33 now) but I would still want my children to learn things for themselves and be trusted

I left home at 16, got a job and a flat in London, loved it and never looked back. Some people are ready, some are not.

on the flip side, with regards to the younger age group, there was an awful account on the radio about a woman who was home alone in her early teens and a family friend popped by, so she let him in as she knew him and he tried to rape her. This was years ago in tbe uk. She had shared it in her autobiography. That story stayed with me. I have a daughter and I think it’ll shape my decisions with her in the future…