To think people in the UK are very lax generally about children being left alone?

[Toxicityofourcity]

Not from the UK. Some of the threads on here baffle me when it comes to leaving children alone. Children as young as 10 and 11 getting themselves home from the school, bus etc and letting themselves into an empty house. Being left for a few hours on their own. Have just read a thread about a 16yr old being left for 4 days... because she has to mind some cats?!? WTF? I just don't understand. This is not something that's done in my country at all. Is it a cultural thing? Do people not worry about house fires, accidents, abductions etc.? I just really don't understand it. But here on MN it seems totally acceptable?

I totally agree with this.

In Germany kids start school at 6 and walk to school with their siblings or other kids. You can't do that here, even if you live next door, schools insist that parent or much older sibling is with them.

Also homes are pretty safe. If a kid comes home from school and lets themselves in, they'll probably only be on their Xbox or phones anyway. They are not going to start any fires.

My experience is the opposite apart from my south Asian family but they baby teenagers especially boys

Are you American? Ive never heard of any other country being like this. I moved out of my parents at 16 and had a job. Very infantilising to think a 16 year old is incapable of looking after some cats for a few days

I think its the opposite here - 11 is very late to walk to school by yourself/get the bus in most countries. If you look around the world, I think you will find alot of children walk to school much earlier in Primary School. Usually with siblings or friends too.

Being left home alone also tends to happen at the same time as going to Secondary School. I remember it happening at the same time as getting on the bus into town for the first time to meet friends and that was around 11/12.

It also depends on the child - my 11 year is very resposible, always walks straight home from school, knows who to call in an emergency etc. If we pop out quickly and he stays on his own, you do a quick risk assessment (as you do every day in life) for example I wouldn’t have the log burner on or oven on. He’s most likely going to be living on his own at Uni in around 6/7 years time so building up responsibility and independence over the years is very important.

Thousands of children go to University at age 17, in a totally different City (or even Country) to where they are from. My own DD was just 17 when she went to Uni, 3 hours away from home. Apart from 1 year when she came home, she has been living independently since then (now with a Partner).

I was taking 5 buses a day, in a major city, to get to and from school, at age 11.

Any 11 year old who can't be left alone for a few hours is weird to me.

When my kids were at Primary school, some kids as young as 5 walked to school alone - definitely thought that was insane!

Someone I know won't leave their 14 year old alone. Even if they are next door for eg. at a BBQ. I find that strange.

This is quite funny. Perhaps you don't understand norms but if it's how it works in the cities then that's more likely to be the norm for the country since more children will live in the cities than rurally. And we have seen from pps that even rurally in Ireland it happens.

Eleven is secondary school age. Why would you not be getting yourself to school and back? I went to a rural school with 1,000 pupils and they pretty much all arrived on foot, bicycle or bus. This was several decades ago. Genuinely puzzled by this thread.

There’s always one.

I'm going to blow OPs mind... at 17 I was left on my own for two weeks while my parents went on holiday abroad. I could drive and had a summer job.

it's absolutely not recommended to leave children 14 and under alone.

@Toxicityofourcity you know the guide doesn't say what you think it says?

Wiki is your friend. It's not that hard to understand.

I'd agree others that people are reluctant to let dc have much independence in the UK. Witness all the coddling of university students (aka grown adults).

It's probably 50-50 percentage of people who allow independence from 10 or 11 in the form of walking to school and playing out with friends, much older than my own childhood where this went on from 7 or 8 or 9.

Leaving 12 and 13yo upwards at home for a few hours is fine.

In terms of public transport it is totally normal from year 7 so 11. There are plenty of people who still choose nearby schools as they don't want their dc to get buses. I know people who walk and drive their year 7 like they are at primary
I think a missed opportunity to Foster independence.

Presumably in your country people don't leave home until 35?

My 12yo is allowed independence with us keeping tabs on him. He's not especially unusual amongst his peers.

It depends on the 16yo if they can stay home for 4 days. Many would have a party or friends over...

Just say where you live, it won't out you. Or is this just a wind up post.

Genuine question. If you think it's bad to leave a 16 year old for 4 days, what happens two years later when they move out and are permenantly independent? Surely they won't be ready? How do they manage?

I was always very independent and my parents taught me from being a child life skills. I moved to London at 18 from a small northern town, did house hunting etc by myself....

Oops, just seen, sorry, Ireland.

My parents sent me to Brazil age 16, on my own. Admittingly I stayed with friends in Brazil.. but I travelled there alone. It was scary but gave me such independence and strength.

I'm from Ireland too.

I don't know anyone who would leave a 16 hear old home for 4 days. Rightly out wrongly, it's just not the done thing here. I'd go so far as to say someone would call social services.

I always thought it was the opposite. You go to places like Japan and you’ll find 6 year olds catching the train across cities to get to school and in Finland children walking through dark snowy mountains on their own.
a 16 year old is more then capable of staying home for a few days on their own.
when I was 16 I was working full time, I cooked my own dinner, paid rent to my mum.
my daughter didn’t require any help at 16 and she was well old enough to know what to do in an emergency.
where are you from?

It is interesting that on this thread the posters who are quite defensive and impolite are those that disagree, when the original OP was not being judgemental or impolite… so not sure what says about greater freedoms!

In those countries there is a high degree of community care and safety around children and in general. So not comparable.

My then 17 year old went to university, without any issue as they has been brought up to be independent. As did their cousin. But he has a bad first year as he was 17 most of the year and couldn’t socialise.

All my children have flown alone from the age of 12. One bus company in Ireland wanted to refuse to take a 12 year old alone as they were too young, but my taxi driver phoned me immediately (he regularly takes them ) and I told him the state bus legal rules so the bus driver has no choice. He made some remarks about irresponsible parents. in my view I’m building strong resilient children. I think it’s ok to leave 10 or 11 year olds alone in the day time. Like if I went to the supermarket etc. They need to learn to be alone in the house. It’s good for them.

Social services would never consider that a waste of their time. 16 is a young adult. Unless they’ve been left to care for 10 siblings in a drug riddled home with no food then why on earth would anybody call ss?
I had friends who lived alone at 16. Lots of care leavers do.

Where are you from ? Having lived in Spain , Portugal , Cyprus , Italy and France I don’t think they are any less “ lax “

I meant social services WOULD consider that a waste of their time.

This might be of interest to some:

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.nuffieldfoundation.org/sites/default/files/files/7350_PSI_Report_CIM_final.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiWuOaFoNH_AhW9wQIHHbwuA7UQFnoECA8QBg&usg=AOvVaw1SD2Nemaf6KaUi3d5QiAyp

I've skimmed it and interested to read the Irish children are in the lower group of having independent mobility and the exception to walking to school (though I've not read it enough to know if that exception is down to the later age of starting secondary).

Did make me laugh that as I skimmed it I can see ,out my window, a child walking to school by themselves (to an exam I presume - secondary finish for the summer here - or a they are a big 6th class child!!) and when I was last in the UK, the children in the house I was in got driven to school

(So I'm trying very hard to realise that that those two experiences doesn't mean Irish children are far more independent with boundless freedom compared to childrenin the UK.)