Friends making plans on my birthday weekend

[tricooo]

I am friends with a group of about 10 ladies who go out a few times a year for a night out or a weekend away. Last year one of them planned a weekend away for everyone on my birthday weekend in august, she knew it was my birthday and I'd be on holiday but the consensus was it was the only weekend all summer that everyone else was free. Friend even said to me 'there will be other times' so I let it go.

Today I left work and before I'd even read the messages in our group chat they have all planned another night out this year on the same weekend (my birthday weekend) and I will be abroad again. Everyone knows about this. But, It looks like they're all set on this weekend already. I don't want to turn around now hours after the chat has died down and say I'm busy!

I feel a little hurt this has happened again and like maybe they don't actually want me on these outings :( nobody has waited for my input and now I feel awkward about it.

AIBU?

@CrazyArmadilloLady calm down. You are starting rows over nothing.

Any update op? Are they still ignoring you?

I'd be hurt by this. If they worked around everyone else's schedules and didn't wait for everyone to chip in it would feel personal to me too.

Still no response in the chat. I assume that’s it and they will be going on the date they agreed before I replied, and that the organiser will pop up again closer to the time. Or it won’t end up going ahead and organiser will try again at a later date. I will try and be more on it next time but it’s hard as I can’t have my phone on me at work. Still a bit miffed over it but what can I do.

The question is are you annoyed because it’s your birthday or you’re missing your meet up?

Sorry op, just rtft, would say you have more people voting you’re unreasonable because they think you want your friends to not do anything on your birthday. Yanbu, I hope ye all figure this out x

Neither really, I’m annoyed that when someone else in the chat said they couldn’t do a certain date the organiser said ‘sorry X, what about this date then’ but barely an hour later when I posted that I can do any weekend in the month except the one they’ve suggested, everybody has ignored me. Fair enough I replied an hour later than everyone else but I was at work. Feel like nobody’s bothered whether I’m there or not, but if others couldn’t go then they ruled that date out

Yeah I worded it poorly lol I can see that now. It’s not about the birthday

It's always going to be difficult to find a date to suit 10 people.

So you went to the Easter meetup, missed the summer one - why not organise a get together yourself at the beginning of December?

Sounds like they’re enjoying being catty as they’ve done it 2 years in a row.

Could you build other friendships?

I can’t get my head around this mindset. Life must be miserable going around thinking like this all time.

I am missing the second (bigger) group get-together in a row next Friday night, because I have something else on.

It hasn’t occurred to me to think the others are being ‘catty’. Even my 12YO doesn’t think like this, when there are events she can’t make!

It’s impossible to organise a date everyone can make, every time. It just is. And it’s tiresome having to go back and forth multiple times to try to accommodate everyone. They had done it, and it was sorted.

This isn’t people being catty!?

Hopefully the OP will make the next one.

It always never fails to surprise me why some people seem to struggle with friendships more than others. If you think the worst of people, question their motivation, and suspect everything they do comes with evil intent, then of course you’re going to find friendships and socialising a horrible chore that seems like more trouble than it’s worth. Vicious circle.

If you take everything at face value, are happily involved when you can be, wish people well when you can’t be, then you’re more likely to be the sort of person others actively want to include and be around. Virtuous circle.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to be hurt about it. I'm not sure why everyone's acting like you've kicked up a fuss, you've voiced your views on a forum intended for this purpose for the majority. I completely get why you feel hurt especially as it's not the first time it's happened. I'd just suggest doing your best to forget about it and look forward to your weekend away, I'm sure it'll be much better than hanging out with a group that don't even have the courtesy to at least reply with a ' Ah sorry you can't make it, it's just the date that worked best for the majority but let's sort something soon'

I would be upset too. Maybe leave the group. Hopefully that will get the message across.

So well said. I agree with this entirely, hopefully it's just a MN thing but people here do seem to presume people have the worst intentions which I agree is a sad way to love your life

Well first person said oh I can't do x date and date was changed.

Our op says it and its radio silence.

Most people would be hurt by that, not even a quick check on other dates/google doc. Just "ah well we don't care"

They probably havent responded because the organiser hasnt responded and the organiser may have a headache from trying to get even 1 date that works for the majority. I would say try not to take it personally, it can be a mammoth job trying to get a date that works

This. It wasn't done in secret Fgs, you had equal opportunity to give suggestions. The majority could make it on that date, so you being one who can't makes it difficult for everyone else. Do you expect everyone to block out your birthday weekend?? Fgs they are all probably discussing how ridiculous you sound - can't make it because you have plans that you already made, yet moaning because everyone else made plans.