Family move and guns

[Appleblossompetal]

Hello,

English Mum here with an American DH. We are considering a move to the US because in my DH’s line of work he would earn seriously more in the US compared to here, house prices would be cheaper and generally we would have a better lifestyle. We might just go for a few years and save rather than a permanent move.

However, some of the places where he could potentially work are in a state with very lax gun laws, as in open carry including of concealed guns is legal.

Would that be a deal breaker for you? I just feel like I don’t have a frame of reference for living in a country with guns but I don’t like the idea of my DC doing active shooter drills at preschool or seeing people carrying handguns around.

YABU- It’s not a dealbreaker, get over it.
YANBU- This would be a deal breaker for me.

I would not live in (or even visit) a country that allowed guns to be carried. Are you sure you'd even be that much better off once medical, housing association, school taxes etc are taken into account?

I couldn't live anywhere where my kids would have to wear a bullet proof vest to school and have shooter drills.

What's the state otherwise like? I could possibly live in Washington state or some of the northeastern states that have open carry laws. If it's a southern state where abortion rights, women's rights and gay rights are under attack, book bans are on the increase, climate/science-denialism is rife, economic libertarianism the dream, and so on, then absolutely not.

There is not enough money in the world to tempt me to live in a country where the number one cause of childhood death is firearms.

Fine if you don't have kids, but with kids I honestly couldn't cope with the terror of sending them to school. Even active shooter drills can fully traumatise your child.

If there's lax gun control I'd bet money on the fact it's also a star that would let you die rather than terminate a foetus that won't live and will take you with it.

That would be a hard No from me. I’d be constantly living in fear that my kids would be shot up at school, which is utterly tragic but that’s the US for you.

I know people that don’t even want to go in holiday to the US at the moment because of the state the country is in, never mind live there

While I think that is a bit extreme, there does seem to have been such a change in mood in the US since the pandemic ended that it does make you consider such things when deciding where to visit

In my 47 years on this earth in the US I have never seen anyone just wandering around with a gun.

Your only frame of reference is the media, and I invite you to look at your own country to see what they regularly blow out of proportion.

I’ll be happy to answer any questions you might have, but I’m not getting into a debate about US gun laws. In other words move or don’t move based on your own risk assessment.

I live in an open carry state. People also can get a concealed carry permit so you don't really know who's carrying and who's not. I have a concealed carry permit but my gun usually stays in my glove compartment in my car. My carry pistol. I have another in my nightstand. I have never witnessed any kind of gun violence in 46 years of living in this state.

I wouldn’t live there for the reasons you listed, but also because if you split up you will be stuck there away from family support.

You’ll get the usual stereotypical answers here. From people who’ve no more experience with the USA than a trip to Disney world. You should ask on one of the ex-pat forums where you’ll get answers from people who have actually moved here, who actually live here.

I live in an open-carry state. All but 4 states plus DC permit open-carry. Interestingly, Illinois that forbids open carry has a higher gun death rate than my state. Responsible gun owners are not the problem. Just as responsible drivers are not the problem on the roads. The problems start with illegal guns. There’s a reason certain people are not permitted to own a gun.

Healthcare - the employer will be responsible for this. You may have to pay a portion towards the premium and you’ll have a deductible. But your taxes will be much lower. So it balances out. The problem with people who don’t live here commenting on healthcare costs is that they assume we pay those on top of the crippling taxes that people in the UK pay. Adding up my max out-of-pocket for the year and my total taxation for the year still is less as a total then I would pay in tax in the UK on my salary level. And you won’t have to wait 14 hours for an ambulance. Or months for a hip replacement, when that time comes.

Not this bullshit again. Award for previous US threads and you already know how it will go.

55 years for me, and I also have never seen anyone wandering around with a gun. Every time posts like this pop up I roll my eyes. People who have never even been to the US making it sound like we are constantly ducking bullets here.

I get it to a certain extent…The posters generally fall into 3 categories.

1-Hate the US and use every chance to tell the world how awful it is
2-Have no experience outside of the internet, Movies/TV, and Media
3-A combination of 1&2

Which is why I always offer to answer questions and would agree with the suggestion to find an expat community.

Which state and what it is like in other ways? School system, safety in general, cost of living, transportation, religiosity, politics….?

Many parts of the US with very lax gun laws have surprisingly little gun violence. They may, however, be difficult to live in in other ways (political polarization, extreme car dependency/sprawl, etc.). Quality of life isn’t just about things like having a bigger house and car and more appliances (which you almost certainly will get in the US, no question).

Have you spent a significant period of time in the US? I’d want to spend some time there making sure that I was happy with the overall ambiance before making any sort of commitment.

I wouldn't want to send my DC to school there

i don't know about active shooter drills, i've lived in the usa. currently in canada where hunting and fishing is very common for most other than those who live in the largest innermost cities.
my dh has a rifle and my neighbor hunts each fall.
close friends of ours is part of a shooting and rifle club and has many guns.
my point is it's not really about gun possession just choose your neighborhood/state wisely.
i will be visiting the northwestern usa asap with my trailer and really look forward to exploring oregon and washington state.

As someone who has lived in the US for the past 4 years (west coast), and very happily, I wouldn’t personally live in a Republican state, assuming that’s what you’re thinking (are you thinking Florida?) because their policies are just incompatible with my beliefs (and my American DH’s too). I have some friends who have moved from west coast to Florida or Texas (properties much cheaper) and none of them (because they’re all pretty liberal, anti gun, pro choice etc) are having a good time, some consider homeschooling etc.

Statistically you’re not gonna get shot, despite the scary news it’s a very small % of cases in a huge population, in my 4 years I have never seen a gun in person. But the political vibe is just different, very polarized, people like to take a stand very openly and with election coming up soon it will get very heated again. So I suppose it depends on where you stand politically and how much it bothers you, not just guns, but abortions, LGBT/trans discussion and all the rest of it.

We’re considering moving to Europe in a few years (possibly not back to UK though) and the things I will miss are certainly the better lifestyle - big house much more affordable, higher salaries (I make more part time here for identical job that I made full time in the UK), we can afford more. People are generally friendly, I made some lovely friends and have pleasant interactions at work, with other school mums etc. Healthcare - expensive (make sure you get good insurance), but excellent quality and efficient. Schools very much depend on your area (funding is also from local taxes), we have some excellent public ones where we are including specialized ones such as dual immersion or STEM.
Things that pull me back home - well obviously missing my family, but also a more relaxed lifestyle hopefully (my DH works long hours and gets 3 weeks of annual leave where 5-6 weeks is pretty standard in Europe), and if I was having kids again then the lack of social support, no maternity leave or pay, would bother me (however we managed due to higher salary AND many jobs are actually fully remote which has worked well for me).

If you’re in a position to try it out, I would go for it, but perhaps not buy property right away but wait and see how you like it.

I lived in Texas for a while. I was aware of the number of guns and it was something I took into account (like being aware whilst driving never to get into arguments with other road users and avoiding certain areas) but it didn’t put me off.

One thing to be aware of is DC going on play dates to other kids homes and ensuring that any guns in the house are safely locked away.

Our healthcare was heavily subsidised by the company but it was still a reasonable chunk of money each month. Summer electric bills were high due to running the a/c. Food was more expensive than the UK at the time (good quality meat and bread were costly).

DC were too young at the time for schooling, but we had a fab church run pre-school that our neighbours helped us get into.

Now I’d also consider what is happening to women’s rights in whichever state you’re considering.

We considering diving in and buying, but fortunately played it safe and rented, which turned out to be a very good decision!

Thank you! This is really helpful. It’s New Hampshire.

I’m struggling to see why on earth what I have written is bullshit. This is a state that only changed it’s gun laws in the last few years, in fact since my DH haas been in the UK, so actually previous threads may not be that helpful because the political mood in the US seems to have changed in the past few years.

And people saying I have no frame of reference outside of films… I have loads of in laws living there, actually on both sides of the political divide. Not to mention the fact that I have both lived in the US as a kid and worked there as an adult. What I haven’t done is lived there since being a parent, and I’m interested in people’s opinions about that.

Thanks, yes it’s New Hampshire so not as straightforward as somewhere like Florida or Texas.

'Live free or die'. It's a nice State. Never seen a gun. Easy flights back to UK. I'd definitely do it.

Rural NH or one of the bigger towns/small cities? I'm American and while NH is certainly an interesting state, full of contradictions, it's not one that I would have major concerns about as long as I wasn't somewhere too rural. It's certainly a state with a favourable tax structure (no state income tax).

There will definitely be guns, but I'm yet another American who has never come across one in person in my entire life other than on a police officer.

Thank you! Yes that was my suspicion as well. City in NH.