Family move and guns

[Appleblossompetal]

Hello,

English Mum here with an American DH. We are considering a move to the US because in my DH’s line of work he would earn seriously more in the US compared to here, house prices would be cheaper and generally we would have a better lifestyle. We might just go for a few years and save rather than a permanent move.

However, some of the places where he could potentially work are in a state with very lax gun laws, as in open carry including of concealed guns is legal.

Would that be a deal breaker for you? I just feel like I don’t have a frame of reference for living in a country with guns but I don’t like the idea of my DC doing active shooter drills at preschool or seeing people carrying handguns around.

YABU- It’s not a dealbreaker, get over it.
YANBU- This would be a deal breaker for me.

Indeed. There was one on Friday.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/bear-kills-66-year-old-arizona-man-steven-jackson-in-unprovoked-mauling

That’s where I was kind of going with my question. If the poster grew up in a manufactured home/trailer that would make sense. There’s going to be a pretty broad spectrum in both US and UK housing that it just struck me as an odd inclusion to the list.

Am I the only one laughing at the fact that the website is the daily beast?

Yes I think this is one of my big takeaways from this discussion.

I agree, but we also have terrorist attacks here and they don’t stop me going to city centres or riding on the tube. And I still drive my kid around despite the risk of car accidents. So I think it’s about proportion, but I just don’t have a sense of what that means.

You’ll get the usual stereotypical answers here. From people who’ve no more experience with the USA than a trip to Disney world. You should ask on one of the ex-pat forums where you’ll get answers from people who have actually moved here, who actually live here

Wise words, BritWifeInUSA, though you forgot to mention the rabid anti-Americanism so often found on here

I’m curious about the better designed homes on your list.

oh yeah, no problem, I can go to town on this.
So I'm from California & we have "cathedral ceilings" in many new builds.
that means front door leads to a foyer type area with a ceiling maybe 4m above your head, it's a huge space that a whole 'nother upstairs bedroom could fit into but it isn't feasible to actually put a bedroom there. It's a huge wasted pointless space.

Many newer houses have an enormous (& I mean HUGE) master bedroom, with large en suite. Size >> excess of any couple's needs. More wasted space. Other bedrooms can be almost pokey in comparison. The houses may be structurally designed to not allow reconfiguration of the bedroom space.

One of DC was telling me how Americans adopted a lawn-expectation for their outdoor space & all the eco-problems that caused in American urban design, some video DC watched on youtube.

British kitchens are clever in how they squeeze in under-counter fridges. Your milk is designed to fit in one. Clever in how they squeeze in washing machines, dishwashers, all the kitchen basics. American kitchens in new build can be huge waste of space whereas many appliances aren't designed to fit in smaller older (American) homes so people have to put their appliances & half their kitchen equipment in their garages. Nothing you buy in Costco would fit in a small fridge, it's normal for Americans to have several upright fridges even in a household with only 2 people resident (AND a separate freezer). Not because the shops are 2 hours away, but because the assumption is everything you buy is supersized. We don't have small fridges that can fit a whole family's worth of fridge stuff in it. There's no logical place to line dry your clothes, or maybe it's banned in your area to do that outside.

American homes like American cars are often reverse Tardises: huge on outside & pokey on inside. Or lots of "luxury" comfort inside but nowhere to actually put anything bigger than a handbag (in the car, certainly). And so much pointlessly wasted space.

And then there's urban planning: it sucks. Britain can be mediocre at facilitating active travel in urban planning, but north American planning completely disregards the possibility. Irk.

One thing I hated about California homes when I lived there but now actually prefer, is garage placed out front of property, right at street, in front of the home. It's not people friendly or nice looking, but it's very sensible good use of space. And we have walk-in closets. I miss those, too, although they are part of a too-much-stuff culture.

I dunno New England homes, maybe they are all like the handsome mansion on Home Alone. Insulation or heating in California homes is notoriously not good.

So my cousin (marriage woes) is moving with 3 offspring (1 adult, 2 preteens) into her mom's 4 bedroom house, built 1948. My dad keeps going on about how "small" the bedrooms are & how aunt has too much furniture, they won't all fit. Biggest bedroom is bigger than my quite large English lounge (+ has en suite), 2nd & 3rd bedrooms are both (?) 16x16. 4th bedroom is about 14 x 10. All have closets. + extra bathroom, Living room, dining room, storage in a garage, & an old-fashioned size kitchen. Room to park about 5 cars on drive & lots more parking space on road. My grandparents raised 4-6 children in that house but it's "too small" now.

You do realize that most people don't shop in Costco, right?

I live in a 1958 built standard ranch house with limited space for a fridge. One can still buy 3/4 size fridges designed to fit in the space, especially at independent dealers.

Many people in rural New Hampshire have guns, but homicide rates are very low. Most tragically involve angry men and their former or current romantic partners.

New Hampshire had no mass shootings (mass defined as four or more people shot) between 2013 and 2019. Facts and figures available here: https://www.gvpedia.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/New-Hampshire-Mass-Shootings-State-Fact-Sheet-1.pdf

I live in Maine, which is next door to New Hampshire. Maine is an open carry state and I've lived here almost 21 years. I've never seen somebody carrying a gun around and I don't recall any school shootings in Maine. Maine is two thirds the size of England with a population of 1.2 million . The majority of gun deaths are suicides. https://www.gvpedia.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Maine-Mass-Shootings-State-Fact-Sheet-1.pdf

Don’t worry about the states Gun laws because the criminals most likely to use guns don’t follow the laws.. if you are so paranoid you shouldn’t go

I have always loved the U.S, have visited a few states and have a sister that lives in Virginia but am in no hurry to go back.

I think in recent years, my sister says since Trump was elected that politics has become even more polarised and racism and misogyny even more blatant. She finds people that have extreme views seem to be much more confident in sharing them now.

The school shootings would be a massive concern for me and for people saying “I’ve never seen a gun” it wouldn’t necessarily be the guns I could see that would worry me, it would be the guns I can’t see. At school friends houses, in people’s cars, the worry that a simple interaction with someone could escalate.
The eroding of women’s rights, access to abortions, the banning of literature the anti LGBT views, the vast inequality in wealth and healthcare.
In places it is a beautiful country but from here it appears to be going backwards and not somewhere I would want to raise my children.

Shush, they don't want to hear that. Meanwhile knife crime is apparently epidemic in the UK, if one is to believe the media - oh wait...

Ok so it’s the ‘new build’ syndrome. I hate the things you describe which are fairly recent trends.

I love my my 1950’s stone ranch with the most practical kitchen I’ve ever seen. I don’t think the built in under counter small appliances are needed because kitchens, even small ones are designed for full size appliances. (Maybe not the giant commercial size status symbol appliances) That and living in the upper Midwest means that cathedral ceilings are just stupid when it comes to heating.

I love my kitchen that has a door and my formal dining room. I live on a street that isn’t dominated by garage doors (I think the ones you are describing are cheaper to build which is why they became the norm).

House design is definitely going to be location and age dependent. But there are usually options so everyone can find a house with what’s important to them.

As for the fridge in the garage…that is the beer (and wine) fridge! Every home should have one. 😀

My house was built in 1973 and has an area of 2500 sq ft. My dd's mil has a new built house in the UK which has a larger square footage. The main difference here is that the majority of houses outside big cities (where there are a lot of apartments) are detached because land is so much cheaper. There is a huge difference in price between what you'd pay here in Maine (or even in NH, which is a bit pricier) and what you'd pay in Boston, and NYC is pretty unaffordable for many buyers. My younger son lives in NJ and their house was about $500k eighteen months ago, but it has two large living rooms, a large kitchen, four bedrooms plus a guest room with en suite and a good sized garden with a swimming pool. I have no experience of the west coast.

The irony.

British disdain for American cheeses is a bit of cultural bigotry, with no basis in fact, that Brits regularly trot out on threads like this to big themselves up.

To be fair I live in the South Wales Valleys and my youngest DD has had knife and gun drills,although obviously much less likely to ever happen here.
But no in all honesty it would put me off ever living there with DC.

Insulation or heating in California homes is notoriously not good.

Do you think that could because the style of home suits the climate in California? Hmmm.

Insulation here in Maine is terrific, but heating costs are high because the winters are damn cold and low temperatures go on for a good four months.

Nope. No way would I
(1) move my kids to a country where school massacres happen multiple times a year
(2) move my kids to their dads country of birth and risk having them forced to remain if we separated

Tbh I'm researching Japan for Disney/Universal etc because I can't even bring myself to be a visitor of the States.

Yeah but the US has those too......

Honestly, so much depends on where you live. Here, many people don't even lock their cars. I always lock my car even in the driveway, because my experience of living in the UK is that it was very vulnerable to theft, but people here give me an incredulous look if I say I do that routinely. Crime around here in general is obviously not non-existent but my experience of it is far lower than it was when I lived in Watford.

@Appleblossompetal I live in NH. If you are moving to a city here they are more Liberal then if you were moving to a small town in the north. The conservatives can be loud here, but look at who we vote into office. It seems the more liberal people are the quiet majority. Democratic Senators, Democratic Representitives. Yes, our Governor is Republican, but he is popular with Democrats and Republicans. Its true we have no Sales Tax or Income Tax (state, you do still have Federal Income Tax), so to make up for that Property Taxes are very high. I've never seen anyone walking around with a gun here. I live in a large town in the southern part of the state. I work in a school in a city here. There are some great school districts in the state. If the city you are looking at is Manchester I will say there has been an uptick of violence there lately, and I'm not really sure about how good their schools are (as far as education, not talking violence). If you have any specific questions I'd be glad to answer them, I'll tell you the good and the bad. Overall though NH is an incredible place to live and I can never imagine living anywhere else

Thank you!