Family move and guns

[Appleblossompetal]

Hello,

English Mum here with an American DH. We are considering a move to the US because in my DH’s line of work he would earn seriously more in the US compared to here, house prices would be cheaper and generally we would have a better lifestyle. We might just go for a few years and save rather than a permanent move.

However, some of the places where he could potentially work are in a state with very lax gun laws, as in open carry including of concealed guns is legal.

Would that be a deal breaker for you? I just feel like I don’t have a frame of reference for living in a country with guns but I don’t like the idea of my DC doing active shooter drills at preschool or seeing people carrying handguns around.

YABU- It’s not a dealbreaker, get over it.
YANBU- This would be a deal breaker for me.

How do you know the OP isn't black?

I know the OP isn’t a young man, and I’m going to assume they aren’t going to choose to live in an impoverished urban neighborhood.

So even if the the OP and family are black and they have teenaged male children I would still go out on a limb to say that they and family would not be in this demographic.

never thought id see that

looks nice though

i wouldnt move there just for their overall views and laws

also take into considertaion if you split up you wont just be able to leave the country with yur dc your H co9uld stop that happening

You mean, if the OP is black her children are likely to become part of the statistics in question? Unlikely, if she is planning in living in a middle class neighborhood.

With gun crime in the States, we’re overwhelmingly talking about highly segregated, poor, inner city neighborhoods, and yes, it’s mostly illegal handguns.

(Yes, I still think that the States should have much tighter laws on guns; lax laws on gun ownership and laws/social norms that encourage people to walk about with them or leave them in their cars all serve to increase the issue of illegal handguns, as guns stolen from people, homes and cars are a major source of illegal handguns in the States. I also think it might help, frankly, if Democratic-run cities and states actually policed like they meant it and cracked down appropriately on illegal handguns. Both sides of the political spectrum have to bear some responsibility for the high rates of firearms death in the States.)

The OP and her kids are unlikely to be affected directly by any of this. However, America’s inability to deal with the firearms issue is symptomatic of the serious issues of political polarization and tribalism that are a genuine problem in that country. That, I have to say, would be a major factor putting me off living there for the long term, although I’ve traveled in the States and enjoyed it.

Ah yes…the other great American myth…we all sit around eating spray cheese 🤣

we have some of the best cheese in the world, but it is kept in a different area of the grocery store than the prepackaged cheese slices (which do have their place in the world).

Honestly I’d just like to see the existing laws enforced. Sadly gun charges are usually the first to be dropped in plea deals. Drives law enforcement mad that these arrests aren’t prosecuted

It's the school shootings for me. Statistics don't mean a thing when it's your child.

you might not be. But school children seem to be on a fairly regular basis.

Black bears can and do kill people on a fairly regular basis.

Maybe once per year in the US.

Some people feel it is wise to take the precaution to take protection should they need it. My guess is that once you take the stats into account (for example if you don't visit a park with bears you are unlikely to get killed in a bear attack) it looks more probable. The number of incidents with bears where some form of protection is used is probably far higher than the number of people killed. I wouldn't say its a huge risk - like a lot of things people take precautions over when the probability of anything happening is quite low. But it's still a risk that some people prefer not to take, especially with their families.

A lot of people who don't have experience of the US wilderness/national parks and hiking don't understand that there are a lot more dangers there than there are in Europe and the UK, both due to animals, the climate conditions and the relative remoteness. The wilderness needs to be respected, and you need to go into it equipped. Otherwise as I've said before - you take your chances. Environmental Darwinism is what a friend of mine called it.

According to this survey, NH is the second safest state to live in.
https://thehill.com/changing-america/resilience/smart-cities/3992527-these-are-the-10-safest-states-in-the-us-data-shows/

Interesting reading to understand the breakdowns https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9709653/

Many of the criminal-justice-reform crew seem increasingly determined to put illegal gun possession into the “non-violent crime” domain (complete with subtext of “isn’t it shocking that this lovely harmless person is in jail for a non-violent crime?”).

I mean, look at this Prison Policy blog (a typical example). Predictably, weapons ownership has been placed outside of violent crime, and the argument of the blog is that we should be refraining from jailing people for this. What is the point of Dem-controlled areas having these gun laws if they are not going to be enforced?

https://www.prisonpolicy.org/blog/2022/03/14/whole_pie_2022/

The closest America ever got to having meaningful gun control was during the Clinton era, when Clinton was intelligent enough to realize that such control was only going to happen if it was presented as part of a package that included getting tougher on crime and anti social behavior. Doubt this will happen now; America is just too polarized.

Thank you for calling that out.

I've lived in the US, OP, and I'm British. I'm amazed people haven't seen guns, they're literally on the shelves in Wal-Mart (the main supermarket). I really enjoyed my time in the US and realised there is a massive disconnect between the issues being reported about in the news and what day-to-day life is really like.

My main advice would be not to try and make a decision based on the US as a whole country, it's a better idea to imagine each state as effectively a separate country (most of them are the size of one) with its own laws, regulations, values and political outlook. So you're looking at New Hampshire, try and get info just on New Hampshire because otherwise it's like thinking of moving to Ireland and hearing there are a lot of organized criminals shooting each other in southern Italy and conflating the two because they're both in the EU.

FWIW there aren't many states I'd move to since having kids, but mostly my issue is the regulations around industrial chemicals and toxic ingredients in ordinary household products, cosmetics, cleaning solutions and food and drink, as well as concerns over how badly regulated the water supply is in some places. For example, I wouldn't want to live anywhere near the Dupont factory. New England doesn't really fall foul of a lot of these sort of issues.

The state's views on abortion would probably be my deal breaker, not conceal carry.

I'm American bred & raised, but lived in UK decades now. From west coast. My boyfriend (raised by rabidly anti-gun PhD-bearing hippies) had an M1. His friend once showed off his gun to me... because the buddy honestly just loved his firearm & liked to share. The gun love runs deep for many.

NH is ok, I'd consider it.
Things that are better in UK and matter a lot to me:
Appreciation of intellectualism
Better public transport
Better for active travel
Less materialistic
More "Life sucks and that's not your fault" rather than "it's your fault you didn't get ahead in life."
Fewer drugs, less drug use by kids
Better designed homes
Fewer drive by shootings, fewer helicopters looking for perps (I grew up in a DesRes neighbourhood, btw)
Better reproductive rights
Looking like a more functional political system (yes, really)
No pledge of allegiance citing God in school
Better religious/multi-cultural tolerance
More equitable access to health care (but obviously that could just mean crap for all)
less obesity (maybe, we're not sure any more)

Stuff about UK I wouldn't miss
Lack of friendliness
moaning, omg, the moaning, just stfu and get on with life would you
Terrible customer service
Xenophobia

Note I haven't put big houses, big cars, personal wealth, university reputation, or school shootings on my list, either way. So maybe I can't care about things that mean a lot to OP.

Black or not, do you think that the OP and her family are moving to a high crime neighborhood? I suspect that it's unlikely, why would they emigrate if that's the case? Most people emigrate to better themselves.

When my son was young my husband worked in law enforcement and other parents routinely asked whether we kept a firearm in our home before allowing their children to come over for playdates. This is a very valid concern and a perfectly reasonable request (which I had no issue in answering). Anyone who is offended by such an inquiry isn't the type of person you want your children to spend time with, frankly.

We're not gun enthusiasts; not all Americans are. You do your best to raise your children within your own value system despite what society deems legal/illegal.

"Black bears can and do kill people on a fairly regular basis.

Maybe once per year in the US."

That's not regular 😆

Ok have to admit I’m curious about the better designed homes on your list. And not being snarky when I ask this. Maybe it’s just the bitching on the internet factor at play, but all I hear about are the small , badly insulated, no parking houses on here. That doesn’t reconcile with your comment.

Black bears can and do regularly wander around my suburban Connecticut neighborhood. They have an affinity for trampolines, pools, hammocks and bird feeders.😂

No maulings to report (though I'd advise against allowing your kids to use the trampoline at the same time as the bears. Unless they're teens and you are no longer fond of them).

I’d go by posters advising you who have actually lived there. I’m in a southern state in an open carry location and I don’t know anything about NH. America is so large it’s more like asking would you go and live in Germany from the UK? Well I have no idea what the lifestyle or politics are like in NH and most posters won’t.

@saltinesandcoffeecups In my experience American homes are much better designed and larger, at a lower cost. Our homes in the UK were always tiny with small gardens. Here we can afford a large open plan home with big garden. Garages come as standard (at least a single garage, sometimes double). Pools and parks come as standard in neighborhoods (yes even the poorer ones). It’s a lot more affordable to get land and have a larger property here, but even ‘small homes’ here feel larger due to the layout. Not to mention they have designated storage space like laundry rooms or cupboards, pantries for food storage, attics or basements, garages for extra storage.

would love to try some just never seen it

Ok have to admit I’m curious about the better designed homes on your list.

I’m sure that both the US and the UK have a wide variation in quality of housing stock.

Our 1980s built Texan ranch style bungalow felt really flimsy - wooden frame, plastic siding and a lot of Tyvek.

I guess it depends whether you're the one being killed.