Family move and guns

[Appleblossompetal]

Hello,

English Mum here with an American DH. We are considering a move to the US because in my DH’s line of work he would earn seriously more in the US compared to here, house prices would be cheaper and generally we would have a better lifestyle. We might just go for a few years and save rather than a permanent move.

However, some of the places where he could potentially work are in a state with very lax gun laws, as in open carry including of concealed guns is legal.

Would that be a deal breaker for you? I just feel like I don’t have a frame of reference for living in a country with guns but I don’t like the idea of my DC doing active shooter drills at preschool or seeing people carrying handguns around.

YABU- It’s not a dealbreaker, get over it.
YANBU- This would be a deal breaker for me.

Thanks, yes I really like the look of it and liked it when we visited.

I'm an American living in the UK and yes it would be a deal breaker for me. We even have guns here (for legitimate reasons and follow all the rules to the t), but America is an entirely different world. It's unlike anything I've experienced living anywhere else in the world. I don't meant that just in terms of guns - and not everywhere is quite so lawless - but in terms of mentality and just sense of safety.

Now that doesn't mean it's not worth doing for you if you want a bit of an adventure for a few years. But I lived that adventure for 20+ years and I'd personally never in a million years move back, but that isn't just about gun laws.

School taxes? Seriously?

I wouldn't live in America because my (and my daughters) access to basic female healthcare isn't safe. Dealbreaker.

And because the cheese is shit.

There were 34 deaths just yesterday. Its not blown out of proportion. Not in the slightest.

Why don't you just ask your American husband? Don't you trust his opinion? If you don't, it's not a good idea to move anywhere with him.

@mindutopia

Do you mind sharing roughly where you've lived? Just curious, because while I'm the first person to put their hand up and say the US is all kinds of fucked up, that doesn't mirror my experience in any way.

I had to Google this statistic - that's terrifying.
The wife and I have been over to the USA a few times with the DC, but might have to re-think now...

That's an absolute load of garbage. Every farmer's market on the east coast is loaded to groaning with sublime artisan cheese, and Humboldt Fog is probably the best cheese I've ever had, and I live basically around the corner from La Fromagerie.

https://igourmet.com/products/humboldt-fog-cheese

Its really interesting hearing British expats to the US talk about how great it is, and how all of the problems we hear about are just media driven. I'm an American living in the UK. Yes, if you (or your husband) have been selected to work in an American branch of an international company on one of the coasts, you probably have great health care. You probably earn a lot more than you did before. You probably live somewhere with access to great schools, excellent services, and the weather is good. However, the people packing your groceries at the store for you don't have the same health care you do. Its not actually that great if you re poor or working class, much worse than in Europe. Medical debt, medical bankruptcy, people not able to afford antibiotics - this is all real. Its not a made up thing. America has a lot wrong with it. Its not an exaggeration, just because it's not your reality.

Also - the Americans on this thread who have never seen a gun - how? I grew up in the most liberal of North Eastern cities, in a wealthy neighbourhood, and of course I saw guns! How can you have avoided it?

@Wallaw exactly, who needs access to basic female healthcare when you can just chuck some Humboldt Fog at the problem

The vast majority of responses on here are going to be about why someone wouldn't live in the US because of x,y and z.

I would stick to the few responses from people that have legitimate experience.

And remember that trying to get an impression of what a place is like from the media is always going to be difficult, because the media always portrays outlier events. It doesn't show the reality of living in a particular country. Don't get your impression of what living in a country is like from the news.

Seriously? I have lived in the north east US for over 30 years and have never seen a gun. Perhaps it's the circle in which you move?

There is not enough money in the world to tempt me to live in a country where the number one cause of childhood death is firearms

This.

OP, I lived in Texas. Loved it.

There were guns, my friend showed me where she kept hers in case I needed it 🙄, another offered to take me to the range to learn how to use one. Never did, never needed too.

In my limited experience, school shootings aside, which I would never ever downplay, the shootings I heard about were generally between people known to one another, people involved in crime, or sadly, law enforcement.

The teenagers I met were polite, well mannered and engaged.

As FirstTimeNameChanger said, not everyone enjoyed the same standard of living , but to be honest that’s been the same everywhere I have lived, except perhaps Scandinavia.

New Hampshire is one of my favourites . We visited often. My take would be try it.

Seriously? I have lived in the north east US for over 30 years and have never seen a gun. Perhaps it's the circle in which you move?

Does this mean that the American posters have never seen a police officer in real life? They are all armed! Perhaps guns are so engrained in society that they don't even notice them.

70 years here and in a southern state. Also worked in public (state) schools for 35 years. Never saw a shooting, inside or outside of a school. Had a gun in my home for 45 years but never carried it, concealed it, or shot anyone with it.
You will need insurance (provided by employer for whole family) and you will not have to wait hours for an ambulance, days for a doctor's appointment or weeks for surgery.
You will have educational choices for your children - public schools, STEM schools, church schools of all denominations, art and drama schools, etc. Your children can attend specialized summer camps all over the US - and they will be taught to drive by the schools when they turn 16.
If you come, we will welcome you. If you don't, that's your choice.

hahahaa that’s an important point.

Never been shot at and never witnessed a shooting, are not the same thing as never saw/ seen a gun.

Also, I'm not just talking about different standards of living or income disparity. Of course that exists massively in the UK as well. I am saying it is false to pretend that the issues around healthcare, lack of welfare, gun violence and violence against women don't exist just because you as a British expat aren't likely to experience them. You may be okay as an expat, you probably will. But you will be living in a society and culture that is very much not okay. So many of the safety nets that Europeans take for granted just don't exist in the US. And while that may not affect you individually it definitely affects society as a whole.

I live in New England and visit New Hampshire often. I love Portsmouth; pretty, upscale with lots to see and do. NH is a very socially liberal state. Crime rates are low and gun ownership is mostly due to hunting. I'd be very surprised if you saw anyone other than a police officer actually carrying a firearm.

Abortion is legal and easily accessible in NH up to 24 weeks (with exceptions after that for maternal/fetal/medical issues).

No state income tax. Unlimited recreational opportunities - hiking, skiing, etc. Depending on where in the state you are you may have a short(ish) drive into Boston and be close to the Portland Maine area. The White Mountains are gorgeous. Winter is no joke; hope you like snow!

Rural areas are not for me so I can't offer much there.

I think the New England states offer the least amount of "culture shock" to someone from the UK.

Just remember everything costs more, food, kids activities, adding taxes to things, etc etc.

It's not just the guns, it's that your kids would have to do active shooter drills in school which would be damaging in itself. My DH has vetoed a move to the States for precisely this reason.

@Seas164

I was responding only to the assertion that the cheese is bad. My more complicated feelings about my home country are alluded to above.

Cheese quality is a fairly high priority when relocating a family, to be fair.

I specifically said, except for on a police officer in my reply. Certainly not so ingrained in society that I wouldn't notice them. In fact, the biggest, scariest guns I've ever seen in my life are the ones I see every morning casually slung about by the police officers strolling down Kensington High Street on their way (I assume) to embassies.

Other than those instances, I have never seen a gun.