Family move and guns

[Appleblossompetal]

Hello,

English Mum here with an American DH. We are considering a move to the US because in my DH’s line of work he would earn seriously more in the US compared to here, house prices would be cheaper and generally we would have a better lifestyle. We might just go for a few years and save rather than a permanent move.

However, some of the places where he could potentially work are in a state with very lax gun laws, as in open carry including of concealed guns is legal.

Would that be a deal breaker for you? I just feel like I don’t have a frame of reference for living in a country with guns but I don’t like the idea of my DC doing active shooter drills at preschool or seeing people carrying handguns around.

YABU- It’s not a dealbreaker, get over it.
YANBU- This would be a deal breaker for me.

Yes, it’s hard to even imagine that but of course you’re right. I don’t think we’d ever split up, but then plenty of people think that and life turns out differently, so…

The actual risk of (your DC) being shot is much much lower than say, being killed in auto accident here, or in US. Brits freak out about guns as they're not normal here, but there's loads of knives around. Its just about what your brain can accommodate/ what you're used to. I lived in US for few years and was more worried about earthquakes, which I experienced a few of. Never saw any guns (apart from police). There's no such thing as a risk free life!

On guns - on here here is a real obsession with school shootings which do obviously happen in the US but are rare. The thing I would find harder to deal with with young children is that I would not be happy for my kids to go on playdates to people's houses without knowing whether they have a gun and, if so, is it carefully locked away. But it's socially awkward to ask about that in the US in my experience. My parents come from a different culture and did ask this sort of question and got very angry reactions.
Completely agree with this. Firearms are the no.1 cause of death for children which tells you that far too often they’re not carefully locked away. We moved back to the UK before DD started school as I don’t think it’s a safe place to raise kids.

However, I also don’t think state specific gun laws or political leanings are overly relevant e.g. IL is one of I think only 4 states that doesn’t permit open carry yet ranks highly for gun violence (because of Chicago). If you’re going to move to the US then NH is nice and you’ll be paying so little tax you’ll probably feel very well off. If you can handle a cold winter then you could do a lot worse.

I would feel nervous about driving while black, too.

This is the crux of the issue for me honestly, more than the actual perceived and real danger.

I think you just proved my point.

These are wild powerful animals and in the wrong circumstances are extremely dangerous. They need to be respected by keeping a good distance away from them. But this isn't always an option because sometimes no matter how much you respect the bear, the bear just sees you as it's next meal.

Some people carry spray. Some carry guns. Some carry both. And some carry none.

You take your chances.

Well I'm one who has never seen a gun other than on a police officer, which I specified I have done, both in the US and the UK.

But I would respectfully point out that if you believe your experience in Tennessee is comparable with the OP's likely experience living in a New Hampshire city, you really don't understand the culture you're opining on.

For anyone really interested, I posted a quality of life index earlier in the thread. The US and UK come out essentially even, which seems to contradict a lot of the hyperventilating in both directions on this thread and others like it.

If the taxes are low does that mean the schools are crap in NH, or is that completely over simplistic?

"I think you just proved my point.

These are wild powerful animals and in the wrong circumstances are extremely dangerous. They need to be respected by keeping a good distance away from them. But this isn't always an option because sometimes no matter how much you respect the bear, the bear just sees you as it's next meal.

Some people carry spray. Some carry guns. Some carry both. And some carry none.

You take your chances."

No, I didn't prove your point. You clearly don't know much about hiking in the Smokies, nor about the type of bears there or the statistics. It's not a big brown fucking grizzly. People this paranoid should not be carrying guns around.

"But I would respectfully point out that if you believe your experience in Tennessee is comparable with the OP's likely experience living in a New Hampshire city, you really don't understand the culture you're opining on."

Never said it was. I'm responding to pps not the OP.

Actually yes, you are right. Since 2020 guns overtook autos as main cause of child mortality. Scratch my previous assertion!

US states by literacy - NH comes top, so I would think schooling would be fine. NH also comes in top 5 states for high school grads.

https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/us-literacy-rates-by-state

Thanks for this!

I don't know much specifically about NH schools, but as a state the funding isn't great. If you are in a more affluent neighbourhood/city (Concord, Portsmouth, Hanover - and others I can't think of off the top of my head), the schools are likely to be very good. There will be a lot of inequality between schools there and very rural schools or those in areas with lots of poverty. The teacher/student ratio is likely to be very good compared to state schools here.

Too simplistic.

Schools have a lot of funding sources; residential property taxes, state taxes, special referendum, commercial property taxes, etc.

For example the city I grew up in had relatively low residential property taxes but they got the commercial property taxes from a shopping mall. The state should have a school scorecard https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwiQuc25q8__AhWGk4kEHSsgDlIQFnoECAUQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fmy.doe.nh.gov%2Fprofiles%2F&usg=AOvVaw067yu888CMdJZwuPJ4j18_&opi=89978449

This is a better indicator of student achievement and school quality.

That's overly simplistic. Schools in the US are not funded by sales or income taxes. They are funded by local property taxes. You have to look at the schools in the district where you will live to see how well funded they are and how well they perform. This information should be readily available online.

I don’t know your individual circumstances but the only people I know who have a decent standard of living in America would be considerably more wealthy in the UK.

Yes, but you were implying that those of us who have said we've never seen a gun other than on a police officer are either not being truthful or are so used to them that we're oblivious.

if the taxes are low does that mean the schools are crap in NH, or is that completely over simplistic?

School funding isn't that straightforward. Although NH doesn't have a state income tax, residents will pay taxes on property they own.

Once you know what city/town you're likely to settle in you can search online and get an excellent idea of what the local school system is like, what's offered, etc. That is very transparent.

That’s not accurate- firearms are the no.1 cause of death for children in the US and motor vehicle crashes are second with the rates of those also being much higher than in Europe.

(Sorry really morbid I know.)

I would hope that if / when DC are old enough you could explain the difference in attitudes towards gun ownership between the US and UK / Europe. Switzerland is always a good talking point.

I’ve never even visited America because of the lax gun laws let alone want to live there! The UK isn’t perfect but at least they have proper gun controls.

Absolutely zero chance of me taking my children to live somewhere where guns are a way of life

OK, I’ll say the quiet part out loud. The vast majority of of gun violence occurs in inner cities and the vast majority of of victims and perpetrators of gun violence are young black men.

Since 16-18 year olds will be included in that statistic it’s a bit misleading.

So the firearms stats being quoted are, I feel, somewhat deceptive as they are including firearm deaths due to suicide with firearm deaths due to homicide, accidental discharge or unknown reason. I personally feel that suicide deaths are somewhat of a separate category and should be recorded as such.
If you do pull out suicide deaths from the firearm statistics, the picture is very different as in 2021 54% of all firearm deaths were suicide. (Pew Research data)

In 2019 New Hampshire recorded 156 firearm related deaths of which 132 were suicides (efsgv.org). The State had a population of 1.36 million people that year.

OP. I live in NH, if you want to PM me, I would be happy to chat.