Vegan given butter in restaurant

[Loveanavocado]

Went out for dinner this evening with dd’s.
dd1 has been a vegan for years. The rest of us are vegetarian, although I’m verging on veganism too tbh.

we went for dinner this evening, to our local. We often eat here and know the staff really well. So they know our dietary requirements.

this evening we ordered a dish and were all eating it. The waitress came over laughing and told us it had butter in it!!

dd1 was horrified and began to get upset. The waitress took the dish away and went to the kitchen. She returned and said “the kitchen are making another but they’ve got cross with me and asked why I told you it had butter in it!’

this has infuriated me!! Firstly given butter when told vegan. But even worse..told by the waitress that the kitchen would’ve not told the customer it had butter in it!!

AIBU?? What if dd had an allergy????

my dd2 has severe allergies (has had anaphylaxis a few times now!) so how am I ever going to trust them now??

I don’t know what to do! I don’t want to make a fuss as it’s our local in a very insular community

id report them for it theyre joking about it but could kill someone

I hate the reaction you have had from too many of the Mumsnetters here @Loveanavocado

But it appears that even here the word 'Vegan' conjures up pictures of the devil in the eyes of many meat eaters. A very few people who are vegans have made very unpopular arses of themselves by going into restaurants etc and disrupting people evenings, and of course the press love to show photos and get as many people as possible riled up about it.

But Mumsnetters, the vast majority of vegans are not like that. They generally suffer in silence, even though it is actually soul destroying for many of them to think about the abject cruelties millions of sentient animals are put through every year. This ranges from calves being taken from their mothers on the very day they are born {which - as they are sentient - is probably horrendous for both the mother and the calf). I am not going to go on and tell you the fates of most of those calves, because I am not trying to convert any of you - even though I probably should be} to very young bull calves being...

In fact, because of my own selfish reasons, I am not a vegan, and I don't expect to be able to make that transition myself. Therefore, like all easy meat eaters can do - if they care at all - I just don't let my mind think about the horrors of drinking another animal's milk, or consuming it in cheese, chocolate and cream. What I am trying - very badly - to explain, is that the OP's DD probably finds the thought of herself eating butter absolutely horrendous. Some vegans I know would find consuming any animal products just as painful and horrible (but mentally rather than physically) as other people find physical pain and sickness from suffering from allergic reactions to eating certain foodstuffs. In fact, some people have even been known to commit suicide because they can't bear the thought of the pain, fear and utter sadness that their fellow sentient beings are put through. Every. Single. Day.

So it is not something that the OP's family should be ridiculed over, and it is definitely not something that staff working somewhere where they have agreed to something - for whatever reason - that they can do, or provide a service for, to suddenly not provide the service that the customer or client believes is being provided. The laughing waitress in this particular case was lucky that the news she gave them wasn't greeted by the OP's DD vomiting all over her!

I think that you @Loveanavocado should actually make a serious complaint about the initial oversight, and then the resulting abysmal reactions of the restaurant's staff. Unfortunately, unless some drastic changes are guaranteed to you, I don't think that you will be able to trust them enough to eat there again. I think that you should also give them a one star review, so that other vegans (and allergen sufferers) can be made aware of the potential risks they would be taking by eating there. You can always add that you have in the past always been impressed by their service and friendliness, and the quality of the food - if you are confidant that this was the first time a mistake was made? I'm so sorry that your evening was ruined in such a needless and negative way.

For all the posters saying it was “just a little butter” would you be saying the same if a vegetarian or vegan meal had “ just a little” meat added. No I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t,.

I’ve worked in kitchens and most can’t cater for severe allergies efficiently.
My daughter has a metabolic disorder so cannot have milk as it’s toxic. She can have trace amounts though and won’t have any life threatening effects from just a little bit of milk so we eat out in restaurants, notify them of her condition and fingers crossed they remember and adhere to her needs.
However if my daughter had anaphylactic effects there is not a chance in hell she’d be eating anywhere other then my own kitchen.
you cannot trust any restaurant to have a whole separate kitchen for nut allergies. They’d need separate chopping boards, fridges, knives etc and it would all have to be meters away from the nut side of the kitchen.
not to mention you’d need to trust the staff (most of whom you’d never get to meet) implicitly and know that they’d respect and understand the importance of avoiding cross contamination. Even if they’ve been given training on allergies, it’s likely to just be a quick video tick box training video.
long story short avoid restaurants if you have an allergy and if it’s a dietary choice just keep your fingers Crossed and complain if needs be.

And that’s the concern! They would’ve let her carry on eating it!!

im vegetarian but have an intolerance to dairy. I don’t classify myself as vegan and I ate the pasta with butter and haven’t even mentioned this. It isn’t a big deal to me as 1) not life threatening, and 2) I haven’t got strong vegan beliefs. (I just opt for vegan food as means I am not doubled over with cramps for 24hrs!!)

This shows that I utterly understand the range between ‘choice’, intolerance , and allergy!

whatever the reason….the kitchen should respect. Not make decisions for the customer

That waitress is very unprofessional. Laughing and also telling you - a customer - what her colleagues said to her.

You should ring to speak to the manager. It was handled badly.

If they are so unprofessional about a dietary preference I wouldn't trust them with an allergy.

And I'm not surprised. Vegans always like to jam their views down your throat when you are a meat eater....

Sorry to see all the aggressive anti-vegan posts this has attracted.
The kitchen staff should have taken your DD's dietary needs far more seriously. Someone who orders vegan food might have a serious allergy, or a deeply held religious/ethical objection to eating animal products, but either way, they deserve to have their requirements respected.
If this had happened to me, I'd try talking to the restaurant management, and if that left me with the impression that it wasn't being taken seriously, report the place to the council, leave online reviews etc.

The kitchen staff should have taken your DD's dietary needs far more seriously

But it is not a need.
It is a want

@Bharath I think you're wrong there. Most vegans know far enough about farming, hence their decision to go vegan. And they're not deluded about animals which may or may not have been harmed in the process of growing vegetables, the choice is to minimise harm as much as possible.

😂

It’s absolutely irrelevant whether it’s a need or a want.

YABVU if you’ve not told them about an actual allergy. But I suspect this bit was added later to buoy your story.

And I'm not surprised. Vegans always like to jam their views down your throat when you are a meat eater....

Do they? Do you know many vegans? @Emmamoo89

I know lots and it’s not my experience at all. Some of them campaign for animal rights but that’s at the right time and place. Day to day, they don’t really mention it.

Jam? But .. the gelatin!

no but seriously, the restaurant is at fault here, without question. Vegan dishes should be vegan, without dispute.

Yep see it all the time. Especially on social media. Proper little keyboard warriors 🙄 and look at the shit they pulled in some supermarkets. Tipping out milk to try and make a point. Pathetic man.

@Emmamoo89Online? So you don’t actually know any then? Do you really think these people you see doing that are representative of most vegans?

An allergy is serious. This isn’t allergy related, this is just your DD being fussy.

Is this dish actually advertised as vegan, or is it an assumption you've made?

And are you sure it's previously been vegan? Butter would affect the flavour, so if it's something you regularly order and it tasted the same, I have my doubts...

Was the dish ordered by the vegan DD or by another person?

I think the server was unprofessional. But I also think there is a difference between a preference and an allergy. Like you, I have allergies. Whenever I check if a dish has nuts in it (because it's not obvious from the menu and it's the sort of thing that might), I always get asked 'do you just not like nuts, or is it an allergy?'

I would be surprised if any kitchen didn't take an actual allergy seriously, even if they were [insert swearword of your choice here] about DD's veganism. The people I know with dairy allergies have always declared them as such rather than said they're vegan, because it's an important difference for the kitchen to know.

I hate that you've jumped to 'but what if DD had an allergy?' She doesn't. As you're regulars, the staff probably know it's just a preference.

I don't think you should be angry about DD's non-existent allergy. You should be angry about the attitude of the server (and apparently the kitchen, by her account), which is a different thing. As for not wanting to kick up a fuss - they've made clear they don't respect your family. I wouldn't be going back. I mean, it sounds like they're fairly immature, and I don't really want to eat in a restaurant where the kitchen staff are likely to spit in my food.

PS I'm not an angry meat eater, I'm vegetarian where possible (i.e. where the vegetarian option isn't one I'm allergic to).

I cannot tell you how many places claim to have vegetarian dishes when they contain things such as fish sauce in certain things etc. Not acceptable but think alot are not fully vegetarian.

I've been vegetarian for over 40 years. And this has often been my experience. Served prosciutto on melon - when queried - melon brought back with clear ham staining. When challenged. No more melon. Luckily my boss's wife was also vegetarian. I dont think that (shit) restaurant ever got any more party bookings from my quite large (Big4) accounting firm.

But even more recently - I volunteered Xmas day at an old people's home. (Perhaps 2018 - 2019?). Served fish - as all vegetarians eat fish. The chef was quite astonished when I said No.

But since veganism became trendy can I get ever a vegetarian meal. No - it always has the fake ersatz ingredients. Or is just shit. We have a local (quite trendy food) pub. I took my DC out for a meal - my only choice - despite all the supposed focus on local fresh ingredients was a roasted vegetable quiche. Just foul - not properly cooked and quite frankly I believe bought in (judging by the glop sauce). So I do have choices - eat elsewhere. And that's what you OP need to do. Neither you nor I have an allergy ( in any normal understanding of the word) but we are being conned as to what is being offered.

(And my dad who taught catering in an FE college for decades and was himself vegetarian at a time when only Cranks was around would be disgusted. At chefs who don't seem to have a fucking clue).

Veganphobia 😂😂
Everything is a phobia these days eh.

Amazed anyone would suggest damaging a business’s reputation over a butter preference.

Amazed anyone would suggest damaging a business’s reputation over a butter preference.

The business will have brought it on themselves. They’re paid to provide food customers ask for and good service.