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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Vegan given butter in restaurant

262 replies

Loveanavocado · 18/06/2023 21:53

Went out for dinner this evening with dd’s.
dd1 has been a vegan for years. The rest of us are vegetarian, although I’m verging on veganism too tbh.

we went for dinner this evening, to our local. We often eat here and know the staff really well. So they know our dietary requirements.

this evening we ordered a dish and were all eating it. The waitress came over laughing and told us it had butter in it!!

dd1 was horrified and began to get upset. The waitress took the dish away and went to the kitchen. She returned and said “the kitchen are making another but they’ve got cross with me and asked why I told you it had butter in it!’

this has infuriated me!! Firstly given butter when told vegan. But even worse..told by the waitress that the kitchen would’ve not told the customer it had butter in it!!

AIBU?? What if dd had an allergy????

my dd2 has severe allergies (has had anaphylaxis a few times now!) so how am I ever going to trust them now??

I don’t know what to do! I don’t want to make a fuss as it’s our local in a very insular community

OP posts:
Original poster
Loveanavocado · 18/06/2023 22:26

As I said @melj1213, I did check before ordering. Reminded vegan plus nut allergy!

OP posts:
SistersNotCisters · 18/06/2023 22:26

Personally the idea of me becoming vegan or even vegetarian fills me with horror (love my meat and animal products) but I completely understand why people are and by god I would be angry if someone came laughing to my table saying they'd made such a mistake as if it were nothing. Your poor DD. She doesn't eat animal products so quite rightly, ordered a dish without them and they shrugged off their error with a laugh? And the kitchen would have let her eat it too? If they make a mistake with a vegan, what's stopping them making the same mistake with someone who actually cannot eat them? Someone with a severe allergy?

I would have a polite word with the manager and tell them that whilst you love their restaurant, you're very concerned about what happened and would like to make sure your DD isn't going to be fobbed off with animal products by kitchen staff in future.

Livelovebehappy · 18/06/2023 22:28

Just post a review if you feel upset. Then find somewhere else to go in future.

Original poster
Loveanavocado · 18/06/2023 22:28

Thank you SistersNotCisters! This is exactly my point! If they can do this for a vegan, what’s stopping them doing it for an allergy.

OP posts:
lljkk · 18/06/2023 22:28

nobody had a life-threatening experience. That didn't happen.

What do you want, OP? A grovelling apology from them? Guarantee they won't laugh at their own mistakes ever again? Vouchers, new management, online vilification, someone to get fired?

Patronise other establishments if you want.

Original poster
Loveanavocado · 18/06/2023 22:29

And how did they not know my daughter wasn’t allergic??

some restaurants check that it’s preference over allergy. Which I think is a great way to approach it

OP posts:
Original poster
Loveanavocado · 18/06/2023 22:29

lljkk!!!!! Wow!!

OP posts:
AllyCart · 18/06/2023 22:30

Yeah, major veganphobia vibes going on here...

It's not some protected characteristic you know, it's just a preference.

I don't like peaches but I certainly wouldn't be starting a thread on a forum about it if I was accidentally served a dish with it in.

Original poster
Loveanavocado · 18/06/2023 22:31

I think there’s a lot of folk here who don’t understand veganism!

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 18/06/2023 22:31

And vegan can be a shortcut way of saying no milk products. My dh is lactose intolerant but would often opt for a vegan dish as a way of getting dairy free. Fortunately for him a little dairy would be ok but he could be ill. When ordering it is not for the restaurant to decide to give you something different.

MCMLXXX · 18/06/2023 22:34

It’s a shame that the hatred for vegans make some people not be able to give responsible, mature replies. 🙄

This

AromanticSpices · 18/06/2023 22:34

Loveanavocado · 18/06/2023 22:26

As I said @melj1213, I did check before ordering. Reminded vegan plus nut allergy!

In this case I can't see how on earth they screwed up so badly. My sister asks for vegan because it's easier than explaining she's dairy intolerant and veggie.

I guess they felt comfortable that it was a preference not an allergy as you know them, but that's no excuse.

Landndialamrhf · 18/06/2023 22:35

I feel like the issue is how she responded
maybe she was nervous though and then panicked when she then got told off
but mistakes happen, it was a preference not an allergy
the allergy was catered for so no harm done. I don’t think I could be bothered, presumably it was a very small amount of butter as well which I think makes a difference
i think if you’d been told a whole piece of chicken was tofu or something that would be a lot different than 1/2 tsp of butter in a dish.
only you know how big of a deal it was, and then you just decide if you go again or not, since it sounds like complaining may be more trouble than it’s worth

Didimum · 18/06/2023 22:36

AllyCart · 18/06/2023 22:30

Yeah, major veganphobia vibes going on here...

It's not some protected characteristic you know, it's just a preference.

I don't like peaches but I certainly wouldn't be starting a thread on a forum about it if I was accidentally served a dish with it in.

I didn’t say it was a protected characteristic. I said the restaurant offers a service to serve vegan food, so if you’re paying them for that service, you’re entitled to receive it - and you’re certainly entitled to not have them laugh at you about it.

FYI, people aren’t required to only start threads you find worthy.

ILikeCatsandDogs · 18/06/2023 22:36

Wow there’s some real bullies on here. This is the same as feeding a blind person worms on toast and you think it’s funny. I guess if your a sicko maybe. I’m sorry for what happened to you don’t go back and remember the Facebook review. Perhaps it’ll less funny to the restaurant staff when it closes down. There are plenty of restaurants more deserving of customers that are.

MCMLXXX · 18/06/2023 22:37

It's not some protected characteristic you know, it's just a preference.

Actually it is a protected characteristic under the Equalities Act and has been for a few years. 😊

Didimum · 18/06/2023 22:38

MCMLXXX · 18/06/2023 22:37

It's not some protected characteristic you know, it's just a preference.

Actually it is a protected characteristic under the Equalities Act and has been for a few years. 😊

👏👏👏

Ponderingwindow · 18/06/2023 22:39

people with preferences trying to equate them to allergies which are actual requirements are annoying because it is extra work for the kitchen to make sure people with allergies are protected.

it can induce compliance fatigue when people pretend that their preference is a requirement.

even when I ask about my allergies, I make it clear they aren’t as serious as some people’s and do not require things like my dish being prepared in the special prep area if the restaurant has one because I want to save that level of effort and cleanup for the people who really need it. I am just trying to order dishes that don’t come with certain ingredients, not avoid any trace of cross-contamination, even though when it happens it is very unpleasant for me. There has to be a spectrum of protection and if we all ask for perfection, it isn’t going to happen for those that really need it.

MessyBunt · 18/06/2023 22:40

we ordered a dish and were all eating it

Was the vegetarian pasta specifically ordered by your vegan daughter? Or was it ordered by a vegetarian and your vegan daughter had some?

7eleven · 18/06/2023 22:40

OP, I completely understand. It is bad enough to have made the mistake, but to joke about is appalling. I’d have gone ballistic. I hope they weren’t serious that they shouldn’t have told you.

Regardless of your own dietary choices, it is disrespectful to show such disdain for others. I wonder if they would have thought it funny if they’d given a person of the Muslim faith pork?

I am not a vegan, by the way.

Tofuislovely · 18/06/2023 22:41

Would it be ok to serve a Muslim customer pork, and then laugh about it? Or a Hindu customer beef? Absolutely not. Same goes for vegans imo (and yes, I'm one, but never try to impose my views on others...)

SeeIt · 18/06/2023 22:41

Mistakes happen but the laughing and saying you shouldn’t have been told is out of order. Report them.

TeaKitten · 18/06/2023 22:42

Ponderingwindow · 18/06/2023 22:39

people with preferences trying to equate them to allergies which are actual requirements are annoying because it is extra work for the kitchen to make sure people with allergies are protected.

it can induce compliance fatigue when people pretend that their preference is a requirement.

even when I ask about my allergies, I make it clear they aren’t as serious as some people’s and do not require things like my dish being prepared in the special prep area if the restaurant has one because I want to save that level of effort and cleanup for the people who really need it. I am just trying to order dishes that don’t come with certain ingredients, not avoid any trace of cross-contamination, even though when it happens it is very unpleasant for me. There has to be a spectrum of protection and if we all ask for perfection, it isn’t going to happen for those that really need it.

She didn’t ask for perfectionism. They served butter in the pasta and laughed about it and were annoyed the waitress didn’t lie. OP has every right to be concerned about how this was handled.

SeeIt · 18/06/2023 22:43

It’s a shame that the hatred for vegans make some people not be able to give responsible, mature replies.

Yep!

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 18/06/2023 22:43

AllyCart · 18/06/2023 22:30

Yeah, major veganphobia vibes going on here...

It's not some protected characteristic you know, it's just a preference.

I don't like peaches but I certainly wouldn't be starting a thread on a forum about it if I was accidentally served a dish with it in.

Actually since January 2020 it was ruled that veganism is a "classified belief" which is one of the 9 protected characteristics listed under the 2010 equality act.

So the OP and her DD have every right to be as angry and upset as they are