Adam Kay and his husband’s babies

[MatildaTheCat]

Apologies if this has already been covered.

I read in the paper this morning that AK and his DH have welcomed TWO babies into their lives, born to two different surrogates. One child is six months old and their sibling is two months old.

I genuinely cannot wrap my head around this. It seems so very odd to me. Is it a case of ‘one each’ or ‘get the baby stages over asap’?

Obviously nobody but the two parents can answer this but AIBU to find this really quite disturbing?

@WhenIWasAFieldMyself and those songs were written and being gigged years earlier than the album release...

Yes he still thought that was funny and acceptable, as did his song-writing/performing partner... but my point still stands - do YOU think everything YOU did, thought, said, when you were in your late teens/early twenties, stands up to scrutiny now?

I doubt it. Particularly if you're performing those words in front of crowds of people egging you on, paying you, laughing and positively reinforcing you.

He said unforgivable things about children with Downs Syndrome, and has tried to remove every trace of the vile song he wrote about them from the internet. The words were absolutely shocking. He is a total waste of oxygen.

Not for the child it isn't. No-one is owed parenthood, however hard that may be to accept, children are not commodities to be bought or given to satisfy the wants or assuage the pain of someone else.

He couldn't cope with being a junior doctor; he's really going to love the reality of parenthood.

He clearly doesn't hate women. This is one of those MN tropes that simply isn't borne out by the facts.

Have you read any of his books?

Yes he still thought that was funny and acceptable, as did his song-writing/performing partner... but my point still stands - do YOU think everything YOU did, thought, said, when you were in your late teens/early twenties, stands up to scrutiny now?

I doubt it. Particularly if you're performing those words in front of crowds of people egging you on, paying you, laughing and positively reinforcing you.

And yet that standard is applied to others so why not Adam Kay?

I don’t know about you, but I never thought that stuff when I was in my early 20s. It’s just a really strange weird way of thinking for anyone.

This.

He's a vile misogynist who has publicly displayed disgust and contempt about women's bodies, and made a name for himself exploiting the stories of women he was supposed to have been caring for as an obs and gynae doctor.

To be honest, buying two babies and buying the use of two women's bodies seems completely on brand for him.

He wrote Mrs Brown's Boys and that is unforgivable in my book

I was in my teens in 2004. I have changed my mind about a lot of things, but I've never needed to change my mind about whether mocking people with Down Syndrome was funny. Because I never thought it was.

Nah, he'll have some of those handy but contemptible service humans a.k.a women to help out as and when required whilst being lauded and fawned over for how wonderful he is raising two children.

It’s not an exact art, is it? Timing conception.
Good luck to them.

Two babies, planned and wanted by a loving couple who are financially stable.
if only all babies were so lucky.

But babies don’t consent to anything?

If only all babies were lucky enough to be bought and sold as commodities.

I really wish people would stop repeating his song lyrics

Do you have any idea how insulting it is to describe any child as ‘damaged’.

A child might have experienced trauma and might be living with ongoing effects of that trauma. That does not make them ‘completely damaged’.

It is ignorant and offensive to claim they are.

If I remember correctly didn't the model Caprice have 2 children, burthing one herself and one by a surrogate within weeks of each other.

Adam Kay sounds disgusting - I am young but I would never talk like that nor would anyone I know - and product of his time isn't an excuse - my mother was a medical student at that time and she says she never heard anyone behave like that
(for context, I'm 17)

Until reading this thread, I thought surrogacy is alright if no money is involved and the person fully consents-now I'm not sure.. I was not aware of the potential attachment issues for the baby - are most children adopted at birth affected this way or only some, or very few? I'd always thought adoption was a good solution if the mother didn't want to raise the baby, but it seems to be far more complicated than it's often portrayed, (something for the people in the US who say repealing Roe vs Wade is alright because unwanted babies can be adopted to think over). Does adoption later have less or more issues- I'd always thought at birth would be better as the child wouldn't miss their birth parents, but perhaps it's not.. it's very difficult..
Which, I'm really sorry about your husband. But not every child who is adopted at birth, or whose mother is ill when they're born and can't breastfeed them etc will experience trauma- nobody can speak for all children who experience a particular thing.
My cousin (early 20s) was exposed to great mental trauma in her first year of life because her mother was in an abusive relationship, to the point where her mother, over the six months after they left, thought she might never recover emotionally . She now is happy and says she has not been affected long-term by it, as far as she can tell. Someone else might have been damaged for life - if only there was some way of knowing what tips the balance..

💯

I can tell you reasonably enough that even 20 years ago those lyrics would have made me feel uncomfortable.

There are certain words in it which even then were considered 'off limits' by people my age. (I'm a similar age to AK).

It would only have appealed to a certain small group of people. Plenty would have found it upsetting and offensive rather than funny back then.

My apologies, I misunderstood.

Oh my god that SONG.

Wow. 🤯

Your husband can describe himself however he likes. I’m not putting his experience down, but I am saying that he might get to call himself completely damaged, but you or anyone else doesn’t get to do that to all kids living with trauma.

Insisting on referring to other children who have experienced trauma and are dealing with its effects as ‘completely damaged’ is massively offensive.