Adam Kay and his husband’s babies

[MatildaTheCat]

Apologies if this has already been covered.

I read in the paper this morning that AK and his DH have welcomed TWO babies into their lives, born to two different surrogates. One child is six months old and their sibling is two months old.

I genuinely cannot wrap my head around this. It seems so very odd to me. Is it a case of ‘one each’ or ‘get the baby stages over asap’?

Obviously nobody but the two parents can answer this but AIBU to find this really quite disturbing?

I don’t see how this is problematic? Lots of children have step brothers and sisters or foster siblings of the same age?
I don’t think the age gap with cause them any harm whatsoever!

Whether you agree with surrogacy is a separate issue altogether.

And I have no idea who Adam Kay is.

Saying the m word twenty years ago was definitely off limits.

It was regarded even then as deeply offensive. It's one I've been careful about and have picked people up on for a long time.

I remember having arguments on an ancient message board about its use.

Struggling to work this eloquently but...

I feel like dislike of Adam Kay should not be merged with the debate about surrogacy.

I find his humour really offensive too, and I don't like the man. But it seems like a slippery slope that for surrogacy to be considered acceptable, it should only be when an individual is considered to be likeable.

But it seems like a slippery slope that for surrogacy to be considered acceptable, it should only be when an individual is considered to be likeable.

Surrogacy is not acceptable likeable individuals or not.

Yes - but many posters seem to be anti this surrogacy, because of who adam kay is.

Surrogacy is wrong whether you're a Kardashian sister, Adam Kay, or Elon Musk.

It would indeed be a slippery slope if anybody was using that argument against it.
Thankfully, nobody has.
Except you to point out that it would be wrong. Which it is.

Surrogacy is wrong. Adam Kay is a vile man.
Surrogacy would still be wrong if he weren't involved in it.
He'd still be a vile man if he weren't involved in buying babies.

The Venn diagram isn't one.

Which posters?

I personally am anti surrogacy and I dislike Adam Kay. And I think it's pertinent to discuss that a man who has made a career largely from mocking womens reproductive capacity and experiences, has chosen to exploit two (presumably more, if egg donors were involved) women for that same reproductive capacity that he finds disgusting and amusing.

Why the aggression? There's quite a few posts on the thread discussing Adam Kay personally right?

I'm completely anti commercial surrogacy, but just don't think who a person is (within reason) should impact on whether they can have a child or not.

There's no aggression in that question. It's quite possible to disagree with surrogacy while also thinking Adam Kay is a dick.

Yeah, if only all children were to be so lucky as to be ripped away from their mother because they’ve been purchased by misogynists. If they grow up with issues due to that, I hope their therapist reminds them how lucky they were to be purchased like cattle. 🙄

I don’t think anyone is saying that surrogacy is only bad because Adam Kay has done it.

The link people are making is this:

1. surrogacy is a horrible thing, whoever commissions it.
2. Adam Kay is a horrible person so it is unsurprising that he has done this horrible thing
3. moreover it is in keeping with all the horrible things that Adam Kay has done in his life so far that he would have no qualms about exploiting women for his own selfish needs. Fits the pattern completely.

Exactly.

Sorry to hear this.

“So it’s not enough to look at whether children removed from birth mothers at birth have difficulty. You'd need to specifically look at the impact on children born through surrogacy. And in the studies I've seen, there is no evidence of significant lasting harm to those children.”
So should anyone start a study about babies who were bought before they were even born, or conceived?
Where are the ethics in this study?
Are the babies who were ordered but not dispatched or delivered included?
Let’s include the Ukraine babies who were being ‘raised’ in factory conditions during the pandemic and the start of the war.
Im not too keen on experimenting on babies.
Buying and selling babies should be illegal, everywhere in the world.
you can’t buy a pet rat to separate from its mother before 6 weeks, kittens and puppies stay with their mothers 10 to 12 weeks.
Bit it’s ok to buy a human baby and take it from its mother at hours old??
I don’t need a bloody study to tell me that’s barbaric late stage capitalism in full action.
Human trafficking is illegal! Why are these people being allowed to traffic infants all over the world?? Sick.

Nothing to do with who does it from vile misogynists like Kay or the kardashian sisters, also weird ideas about women funnily enough, probably daddy issues?
I don’t care if you’re gay straight or anything else lots not about that.
Buying women’s bodies and tiny babies is wrong.
Let’s make this illegal as it should be.

I'm not disagreeing with you about the adoption trauma but could that be that being adopted at 'birth' for the most part meant that the birth mother actually cared for the baby in its first few weeks of life and was then taken so that's where the trauma comes into it?

I'm doubtful that babies born to surrogates are traumatised because if they are then what about NICU babies? Are they too traumatised?

From the research I've seen, whether the baby is removed at birth or at a few weeks old doesn't make a difference. It's the removal from everything the baby knows - on a really basic sensory level, not a conscious thinking level - which does the potential damage.

Yes babies who are in NICU can also be traumatised by that experience, but it can be mitigated for them because their mother is still available, they can have physical contact, smell etc, and when they are out of NICU they are then back with that familiar person's voice, smell etc. And it's a false equivalence between babies in NICU and surrogacy, because babies in NICU have to be separated from their mother for their own good, it's the least worst option in that circumstance. Babies born in surrogacy are removed from what they know because of the adults wants, not to save their life, it's a harm done without justification.

Yes.

There have been several threads on Rebel Wilson, Paris Hiton, Brian Dowling, Tom Daley, the Kardashians and others regarding surrogacy. Lots of people have a problem with surrogacy as a concept, regardless who initiates it

‘Yes - but many posters seem to be anti this surrogacy, because of who adam kay is.’

a gay man. That’s the main issue.
when you’re a gay couple with children, you get used to the ‘input’ of randoms on whether you should have children.
the opinion of straight people or anyone else is like water off a ducks back to me, and every other LGBTQ parent I know.

you get to decide if/ when/ how we have children about as much as we get to decide whether you do or how you do or if you should or if you’re ready or not

Still no. Any one of any sexuality, sex, age, religion or shoe size should not be allowed to buy a baby.

So because Adam Kay is gay he gets to buy a baby, is that what you’re saying? LGBTQ people can acquire children by whatever means they like? What about couples who are heterosexual but infertile?

No. Buying women’s bodies and taking their children is not acceptable whoever does it. And my best friend and his husband, who adopted their beautiful boy, would agree with that completely.

Yeah, thanks @StarmanBobby for telling us what we mean, but no. You're wrong.
Adam Kay is vile.
Surrogacy is wrong.
Adam Kay would still be vile if he were straight and didn't buy babies.
Surrogacy would still be wrong if Adam Kay didn't do it.

Geddit?