Would you judge

[notherNCuser]

Young professional couple in their early mid 20s engaged to be married, been together almost 4 years and in house together for over 18 months. We will both be under 25 on the day we want to get married.

Most relatives are happy and excited but had a couple of comments one about us being incredibly young and what’s the rush, another less kind saying we were trying to play grown ups etc

I agree it is young, no question of that. First of our friends to get married. But is it really too young? Paranoid now that this will be everyone’s silent thoughts and I don’t want that putting a cloud over the day!

• We have been cohabiting and our finances, credit scores are already therefore connected
• I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. We have faced difficulties together and seen the best and worst of each other, and communicate very well with a good balance of 50:50
• We understand the magnitude of the commitment that marriage is, and that it’s not all sunshine and roses
• Our parents were both slightly older having us so we would really like for them to be in their 60s whilst their grandchildren are young, rather than any older
• Biologically speaking I would prefer to have our child/children before I am 30
• We want to share a family name before having children, and although we earn equally it is an extra layer of protection for me should things go belly up

YABU - I would still silently judge you for being young and be raising an eyebrow over it

YANBU - age makes no difference

Yanbu, many congratulations and wishing you and your fiance a long and very happy marriage together

I got married at 26. I didn't think it was young but now when I look back I do think I was. Married 15 years with 1 dc (12) so it all worked out.

YANBU. Congratulations and hope you have a wonderful life together

YANBU I met my DH at 17, had children at 19, first home at 19, still together 16 years later.

I wouldn't judge as such but I would think that your chances of breaking up down the line are higher than a couple marrying later

Not everyone expressing concern is judging. By today's standards, you are pretty young to get married. But in the 70s the average age for a first marriage was 23, and by the standards of the Pride and Prejudice time, you're ancient. Anyway you seem sensible and have as good a chance as any couple to do well together. Plus you never know what's round the corner. You might split up now, or one of you might die young, or you could delay marriage and regret the wasted time, or break up to sow wild oats and never meet anyone nice again. My relative was talked out of marrying the man she loved in her early 20s. She remained single until her late 50s, when she met him again (now.widowed) and finally married him in her early 60s. So many regrets. Carpe diem OP.

Who are these people? Are they people who think you or he could do better?

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. Looks like you're pretty clued up anyway - do you think there's some jealousy going on among certain relatives, OP?

I have no regrets, got married at 23 and had my kids before I was 30. Still happily married 13 years on
You do you. If you feel its right then that's fine
I found everyone likes to voice their opinion, when really they should be congratulating you on your engagement.

I can’t quite agree with your wording that age doesn’t matter, ie I would worry about an 28yr old getting married, or a large age gap, for example. But definitely YANBU to get married at 25 and in your circumstances. Wishing you all the best.

I had the same comments twenty five ye

Ooops!

Twenty five years ago.

No idea why anyone thought it was their business!

You are quite young but that’s not a bad thing! Given you’ve been together 4 years it makes perfect sense, you’re lucky to have met your OH so young.

I worry a bit more about couples who meet when they are early 30s and the feel they have to marry / have kids in quite a short time frame.

What other people think is none of your concern. You're not doing anything wrong, and how you live your life is none of their business. I would tell them exactly that when they offer their unsolicited opinions.

It seems fine to me. Best wishes for a long and happy life together.

No reason for you to care what I think but if it was someone I knew I would think they were too young

I might judge if you’d only been together 18mths but you’re in an established relationship so I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

that said DH married at a similar age and she know people felt we were young particularly as we both had professional careers.

20+ years; 4 DC later I’m quite relieved to be approaching my 50s with independent adult DC ahead and child rearing well behind.

No judgement from here either. You're not babies anymore and you sound like you've thought about what you want.

It's common nowadays for people to offer opinions. Just ignore it.

I met DH at 17, got married at 19, had 3 kids and a mortgage by 25!

Never felt judged in any way. Been married 36 years.

The average age at which people get married, buy houses and have babies has been creeping up for decades so you are young compared to what people are used to seeing.

YABU to give it this much headspace and try to justify yourself - a sign of immaturity IMO.

Just get on with it and live your life without seeking people's approvals.

I was married at (just) 25. It's not too young by any means.

You're lucky you've met someone young. Far better that than scrabbling round in your late 30s looking for someone!

One thing I would say is that (other than the opinion of your future husband) I'd take no stock of anyone elses thoughts on this.

I think 25 is a totally normal age to get married! I was 25 and my spouse 24 when we got married and we have a very long and happy marriage.

I would have thought mid twenties was only slightly younger than average to get married. Or at least be in a committed relationship/have kids. A lot of people leave it later these days or choose not to marry for financial reasons but a lot are in settled relationships at that age.
I got married at 18 and have just celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary and we didn’t get any judgement. Got more when I had my first lo in my mid 20’s - lots of older people concerned and checking if my mum was helping me. I guess I looked younger than my years then. I certainly don’t anymore!

The very best of luck to you both. You seem like you have it all planned out and that’s more than a lot of couples. You only get one life, don’t spend it second guessing. If it feels right then go for it

You sound more mature than many 40 year olds I know! Congrats and enjoy your day.