Would you judge

[notherNCuser]

Young professional couple in their early mid 20s engaged to be married, been together almost 4 years and in house together for over 18 months. We will both be under 25 on the day we want to get married.

Most relatives are happy and excited but had a couple of comments one about us being incredibly young and what’s the rush, another less kind saying we were trying to play grown ups etc

I agree it is young, no question of that. First of our friends to get married. But is it really too young? Paranoid now that this will be everyone’s silent thoughts and I don’t want that putting a cloud over the day!

• We have been cohabiting and our finances, credit scores are already therefore connected
• I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. We have faced difficulties together and seen the best and worst of each other, and communicate very well with a good balance of 50:50
• We understand the magnitude of the commitment that marriage is, and that it’s not all sunshine and roses
• Our parents were both slightly older having us so we would really like for them to be in their 60s whilst their grandchildren are young, rather than any older
• Biologically speaking I would prefer to have our child/children before I am 30
• We want to share a family name before having children, and although we earn equally it is an extra layer of protection for me should things go belly up

YABU - I would still silently judge you for being young and be raising an eyebrow over it

YANBU - age makes no difference

I certainly wouldn’t judge you. I would wish you the best and admire your determination.

I do think getting married that young increases the risk of breaking up. I just don’t think for most people the kinds of qualities that attract you in your early 20s are the sorts of things which sustain a partnership for decades and I don’t think most people are designed to remain together forever.

Loads of people will be along to say they married at 20 and are still blissfully happy at 55 etc. It does happen but the odds aren’t in your favour.

It is a bit young by today's standards but it doesn't like you've rushed into it either. I'm sure most won't judge

I first got married at 18. I was too young, but the marriage lasted 28 years, so not bad. One child at 20, the second at 21.

I got married, the second time, at 50, and that lasted until DH died.

If it's meant to be, it will last - regardless of age.🙂

You care about other peoples opinions and wish you didn't OP? Believe me, when you hit post menopause you won't give a monkeys about what others think about you. It's so bloody liberating.😜

Many people used to get married at 17/18 and stay together for 60 years without feeling the need to break up. This giving up on the marriage 15 years in is a relatively new thing and does not apply to everyone.

Times change. Divorce also used to be heavily stigmatised.

That's because thankfully woman don't have to stay in unhappy marriages to keep up appearances anymore.

OP, I wouldn't judge as such or raise an eyebrow. I would think the chances of it lasting were pretty much zero though and feel slightly sorry for you.

I think it's quite different marrying young, and if it's not rushed into, not a problem. We married at 22; we've spent our entire adult lives together, and so we've learned our way through life as a couple. In some ways, it's harder coming together later on when you've evolved your own ways of doing things and find you have to make some changes and compromises.

I do care very much about other people’s opinions (wish i didnt) and recognise this as a sign of immaturity in myself

Eh? How have you come to that conclusion?

You're a woman who wants to get married and you're worried about other people's opinions on it, because you're in your 20s?

How on earth is that a sign of maturity?

"Sorry Bob, we'll have to wait until we're in our 30s because what others think, matters more to me".

Ahh what a twat, sorry I misread and thought you were saying it was a sign of maturity

Either way, you're old enough to do what you want.

My husband and I got married at 25, still together 25 years later! We were the first in our friendship group to marry and have children. I'm glad to be in my early 50s with grown up children rather than school children. Just ignore. If you're happy that's all that matters.

I got married at 23. I had similar comments at the time. It was nearly 25 years ago now, we're still married.

I'd be a bit concerned about the nature of the person who said you're "playing at grown ups". It's nasty, as well as idiotic - and ironically pretty immature.

I met DH at 15, moved in together at 16, first kid at 17, Married at 20. 22 years later we have a grandchild and another DC.

I wouldn't judge, if it's a mistake at least you make it early on to learn from but if you know you know.

Congratulations 👏🎉

Got married and had my first baby aged 24. Go for it. Life is short and you need to make the best of it.

I was 19 when I married and DH was 22. 50 years later, we will be celebrating our golden wedding this year.

It's not how old you are that's important, it's how mature you are.

YANBU! I’m 60 (nearly) and the only couples I know who are still together are the ones who were childhood sweethearts. My sister and I were discussing this just last night, and it’s the same with her friends - still together from their school or uni days, everyone else divorced at least once. Our cousin who got married after a whirlwind romance at 30 was divorced 4 years later, her siblings are still married to the boyfriends/girlfriends they had at their 18th birthday parties.

The odds are in your favour, at least in my experience. xxx

By today's standards you are young I suppose. However, it's your life & if you're happy together then take no notice of others judgements. My dd has been with her partner since 17, had a child at 22 & age 29 are still very happy.
I met my dh at 17, got married at 22 & 35 years later still happily married. We've had our ups & downs but you work through them. I've been through a stage of wondering if I've "missed out" but it wore off. If you're compatible & happy why stop the wedding because of others judgements? You'd end up being unhappy then! There are no guarantees at any age

It's not what I would want for one of my children-that's all I'll say. And I hope when you say you "want a family name" you don't mean his.

I'm wondering if they don't like him

We were 27 and 25 when we got married and had been living together for nearly 2 years at that point. Still going over 20 years, 3 kids and a load of life stuff later. I don't remember anyone muttering about either of us being too young.

it’s actually his relatives who’ve been saying it! Maybe they don’t like me hey!

You don't want your children to be independent, have good jobs, their own home, and a happy relationship? How bizarre.

As a mother of two adult children, 24 and 26, who both have excellent jobs, own their own homes, and have wonderful partners, this is all I ever wanted for them. I couldn't be more pleased.

I met my husband at 22, engaged at 23 and at 24. Still happily married (18 years) with loads of ups and downs that have made us much stronger as a couple. As, long as communication is open both ways in any relationship, you can make it work.

@kitsuneghost

Many people used to get married at 17/18 and stay together for 60 years without feeling the need to break up. This giving up on the marriage 15 years in is a relatively new thing and does not apply to everyone.

You make slogging through a miserable marriage for 60 years sound like a good thing. It's really not. Thank God most people don't think like you.

It’s not like you are rushing into this! YANBU. Congratulations 😊💕