Would you judge

[notherNCuser]

Young professional couple in their early mid 20s engaged to be married, been together almost 4 years and in house together for over 18 months. We will both be under 25 on the day we want to get married.

Most relatives are happy and excited but had a couple of comments one about us being incredibly young and what’s the rush, another less kind saying we were trying to play grown ups etc

I agree it is young, no question of that. First of our friends to get married. But is it really too young? Paranoid now that this will be everyone’s silent thoughts and I don’t want that putting a cloud over the day!

• We have been cohabiting and our finances, credit scores are already therefore connected
• I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. We have faced difficulties together and seen the best and worst of each other, and communicate very well with a good balance of 50:50
• We understand the magnitude of the commitment that marriage is, and that it’s not all sunshine and roses
• Our parents were both slightly older having us so we would really like for them to be in their 60s whilst their grandchildren are young, rather than any older
• Biologically speaking I would prefer to have our child/children before I am 30
• We want to share a family name before having children, and although we earn equally it is an extra layer of protection for me should things go belly up

YABU - I would still silently judge you for being young and be raising an eyebrow over it

YANBU - age makes no difference

I would judge the person who accused you of "playing grown ups". What a twat.

Hi @notherNCuser , I got married when I was 24 and my husband was 26. Got engaged at 22, had a phew raised eyebrows at the time, but we've been happily married for over 10 years now xx

Dont worry about anyone else. Sounds like you both have it all sorted and are mature. You just concentrate on being happy... congratulations btw xxx

I agree. They are probably jealous and thier opinion doesnt matter. X

No judgement from me op. Just congratulations for all the lovely things ahead for you both.

I started going out with dh when I was a teenager. Fell pregnant straight away. Next year is our 25th anniversary.

@Redlarge agree. Also, congratulations @notherNCuser ! Xx

I got married at 22. Nobody said I was too young. My husband was 33.
But I was too young. It lasted 10 years though.

DH and I were both 22 on our wedding day. That was 22 years and two teenagers ago. We got the "Oh you're so young, don't rush into it" stuff too. How we laugh now!

I was 36 when I got married. I'm 48 now and divorced. Being an older bride/groom doesn't guarantee a successful marriage!

I was 20 when I met dh and married at 23. I knew the first time I met him we'd be together and we've been married over 20 years now. Sometimes you just know. Didn't have a child until I was in my 30s as it wasn't easy!

It's not too young but perhaps you're not ready if you're letting what others may/may not think affect you this much?

On a slightly related note, I was only saying the other day how much people in their mid to late 20s, tend to consider themselves to be so young nowadays?

I wonder if it's because they're moving out of the family home later, and so spend longer being taken care of by their parents?

I work with two 27 year olds and a 25 year old and they really do consider themselves very young.

I think it sounds lovely and if you really love each them you’re very fortunate to have found each other early. I can only imagine the negative comments are from people who have not been so lucky in their relationships, at least when they were your age. Congrats.

Thank you everyone for your comments just reading now. Nothing much would change day to day when we’re married it’s just more security. I do care very much about other people’s opinions (wish i didnt) and recognise this as a sign of immaturity in myself, I just want to make sure I’m getting it right and sometimes dont trust my own instincts and judgements on my own life! I hope I’ll get better at this with age xx

I was 25 when I married to my 26 year old DH. We were also the first to get married in our group of friends. We Didn’t care. We were both qualified professionals with a house and decent incomes. We are still together 30 years later and happy. Kids have left home and we are planning our next adventures whilst other couples who married later are knee deep in kids and mortgages. You don’t need to justify your decision against anyone else’s judgements. Enjoy your life and follow your heart. I recently went to a wedding where the bride was early twenties. She nearly ran up the isle to marry her man. Both of them had good jobs a house and were established as a couple.

Age is no guarantee of maturity or success.

I think it sounds like you gave both considered it thoroughly, it's not a rush job and you are basically laying the foundations for having children together before 30. It sounds like you've considered & discussed it far more than a lot of people. You sound like two people who know what you want and why.

There are people who are ready for marraige in their 20s and some in their 40s who aren't. Age isn't an issue, maturity, understanding, experience and the right reasons are more important factors.

Congratulations, hope you have a healthy, happy life together.

I don't think it's that young. You both sound sensible and aware of what being in a good relationship involves.

I was just short of my 29th birthday when I got married, my husband to be was 12 years older. We'd been together - not living together - for over 9 years.

I imagine the people saying you're too young would approve of a couple of our ages getting married and think us more likely to have a long term marriage.

However, soon after the wedding, when I was actually living with my then husband, I realise that I'd made a terrible mistake because he thought marriage was something that he could do part-time. We hung on for 20 years, during most of which I was thoroughly unhappy.

Age is not as important as a solid foundation and willingness to give and take in a relationship and you both sound as if you're willing to make it happen.

Wish you well.

This was me. Don’t listen to others, live your life and be happy. You only get one shot at life.

The only thing I found difficult was that none of my friends were at this stage at the same time as me. Everyone else’s social lives (late night partying and weekends away) carried on while I was a new mum and as soon as I was ready to start going out again, my friends were then starting to get married and pregnant.

If I could go back I wouldn’t change a thing, but there were some lonely periods when I felt in between worlds - ‘older’ than my friends in lifestyle but younger than my new mum friends, not only in age but career wise and financially.

Congratulations, take no notice. You're both consenting adults and you already live like you're married anyway minus the piece of paper. 25 is not too young. I had a mortgage, two kids and had been married for nearly 2 years by the time I was 25 -Still happily married 15 years on!

Age does matter I think, but 25 is plenty old enough for many people to know what they want. You'll grow up together somewhat and that's ok.

I got together with dh at 21 although we didn't actually get married till 29. But we did buy a flat together age 22 so got quite financially entangled. No one criticised us at all. I'm really happy. We've both grown up a lot together and become more mature together. I was his first proper girlfriend.

It helped that we knew from the start we had really similar values. Also, we got given marriage classes by the church (we aren't really churchgoers, he's not Christian and I'm only vaguely so) - I so highly recommend marriage classes, they weren't about Christianity at all, it was more about communicating well and pre-empting common marriage problems. Like agreeing on how to share finances, or whether you want kids, or how often you plan to see the in-laws, or how you'd raise your kids. It was so valuable.

We aren't a perfect couple but we've lasted this long and I think we'll go the distance (unlike the vast vast majority of couples in my extended family who have all been divorced, some twice!) So there's nothing wrong with marrying/settling a bit younger.

sometimes dont trust my own instincts and judgements on my own life!

Is this the reason why they are saying it? Maybe they don't mean too young but rather whether you are actually sure but don't want to come out straight with it.
Because 25 is not "too young to get married"...

We won’t be 25, that’s what I said in my OP.

I was 23 when I married my 25 year old husband (also the first of our friends to get married) - we're still happy together and I'm now 46 and he'll be 48 next week.

Loads of people were against us and said we wouldn't last because we were too young.

If it feels right for both of you, then do what makes you happy

Well under 25.
I was just turned 24

I've been married for 9 years, we were only 23 and 24. I did think that people were probably judging, but I didn't care. We are still together and happy
All the best to you

Some people just need to jog on with their opinions. If you are both happy and feel settled go for it 💐