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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So worried about DS17 going to Turkey

126 replies

Worriedabouttheholiday · 18/06/2023 13:15

I’m probably being completely irrational but I’m beside myself with anxiety and am looking for reassurance.

DS17 (nearly 18) is going on holiday to Turkey with his gf and another couple (all 18) next week. They are going for 2 weeks.

DS has ADHD and is not very mature. I’m so worried he will do something stupid and either hurt himself or get in trouble. He doesn’t have a great deal of common sense and I am worrying about all manner of things from him getting sunstroke from forgetting to apply sunscreen to losing all his money and passport, to getting violently ill on local spirits to getting lost or missing his flight home.

I keep telling myself it’s all irrational and it’s my anxiety but I just can’t help the terrible worry I feel.

This morning his gf was showing me videos on her phone of him jumping off a shed roof and somersaulting onto her friends trampoline. He almost cracked his head open. This is one of many videos she shared with me which are raising my blood pressure. They’ve told me they’ve paid to hire a boat so I’m worried they will get eaten by a shark and will be doing para gliding and going on quad bikes.

I realise these are fun activities and am sure they will all have a fabulous holiday. I obviously haven’t shown my anxiety and ensured they have travel insurance.

can anyone please reassure me that it’ll all be fine GF and other couple are thankfully quite sensible and a lot more mature. Please be kind x

OP posts:
Comedycook · 18/06/2023 13:16

Sorry op I know you wanted reassurance but I'd be very worried too. Have you actually spoken to him? Explained what to do in certain situations etc?

Doggymummar · 18/06/2023 13:17

They have to cut the apron strings eventually. Sure it will be fine.

Comedycook · 18/06/2023 13:18

Although he won't get eaten by a shark. 😂

Chowtime · 18/06/2023 13:18

It'll be fine. As our kids grow older we need to find other things to focus on and worry about.

Do you have a job?

PiffleIsTakingThePiss · 18/06/2023 13:20

Do you have a job?

What on God's Green Earth has that got to do with anything?

Original poster
Worriedabouttheholiday · 18/06/2023 13:20

Chowtime · 18/06/2023 13:18

It'll be fine. As our kids grow older we need to find other things to focus on and worry about.

Do you have a job?

Yes I have a job?! What’s that got to do with anything?

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedabouttheholiday · 18/06/2023 13:21

Comedycook · 18/06/2023 13:18

Although he won't get eaten by a shark. 😂

I know this is unlikely - my imagination is moved up a level 🤣

OP posts:
mauricemossmylove · 18/06/2023 13:21

my son is ND and I'd be exactly the same OP

LegendsBeyond · 18/06/2023 13:22

I’d be worried too. He doesn’t sound very sensible. Tell him to stay off the balcony for starters.

Original poster
Worriedabouttheholiday · 18/06/2023 13:22

Comedycook · 18/06/2023 13:16

Sorry op I know you wanted reassurance but I'd be very worried too. Have you actually spoken to him? Explained what to do in certain situations etc?

Yes I’m constantly telling him to be careful and find out where the UK embassy is and not to drink the water (unless bottled) and not drink the local spirits but it’s just in one ear out of the other

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedabouttheholiday · 18/06/2023 13:23

LegendsBeyond · 18/06/2023 13:22

I’d be worried too. He doesn’t sound very sensible. Tell him to stay off the balcony for starters.

Oh yes - I hadn’t thought of the balcony. He’s not sensible that’s why I am so stressed!

OP posts:
Anewuser · 18/06/2023 13:23

I think it’s completely normal to be slightly anxious the first time one of your adult/almost adult children go abroad. The reality is though, that people don’t have accidents and come home in one piece. You’ve been sensible enough to ensure they have travel insurance and all you can do now is wish them a happy holiday. (And silently pray until they’re home).

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 18/06/2023 13:23

I think your anxiety is quite usual. My DS2 is a big risk taker too. He likes to fling himself off stuff etc etc.
I have been having conversations with him for a while about recklessness esp when drinking.
That's all you can do really.
Teenagers feel invincible. And they have to just get on with it eventually. DS2 has a summer of trips away planned (UK) and I just have to let him go and hope for the best. Its tough. I feel your pain.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 18/06/2023 13:24

Just make sure he has bloody good travel insurance.

Original poster
Worriedabouttheholiday · 18/06/2023 13:24

Anewuser · 18/06/2023 13:23

I think it’s completely normal to be slightly anxious the first time one of your adult/almost adult children go abroad. The reality is though, that people don’t have accidents and come home in one piece. You’ve been sensible enough to ensure they have travel insurance and all you can do now is wish them a happy holiday. (And silently pray until they’re home).

You’re right-easier said than done, I’ll have check with his network provider that his phone will work over there

OP posts:
Lottsbiffandsmudge · 18/06/2023 13:25

And yes the balcony occurred to me after your trampoline anecdote.

mumonthehill · 18/06/2023 13:25

Get the best travel insurance you can for him. I worried too but there is nothing you can do other than this and advice. I am sure all will be fine.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 18/06/2023 13:27

mumonthehill · 18/06/2023 13:25

Get the best travel insurance you can for him. I worried too but there is nothing you can do other than this and advice. I am sure all will be fine.

Yes

I racked up £40,000 worth of bills in Turkey , not involving sharks/alcohol or balconeys .

Original poster
Worriedabouttheholiday · 18/06/2023 13:27

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 18/06/2023 13:25

And yes the balcony occurred to me after your trampoline anecdote.

Oh God i hadn’t thought of the balcony- I’ll have to ask his gf to supervise

OP posts:
loobylou10 · 18/06/2023 13:27

@Chowtime don't be so patronising. OP - I understand your worries but often when given a bit more freedom, our children surprise us by being more responsible. It's a right of passage. You won't relax for 2 weeks but you have to let him get in with it.

HoleyShit · 18/06/2023 13:28

Chowtime · 18/06/2023 13:18

It'll be fine. As our kids grow older we need to find other things to focus on and worry about.

Do you have a job?

How patronising. Did you miss the part about her son having ADHD therefore prone to impulsive behaviour, lack of common sense etc?

OP I don't blame you and think it's perfectly understandable given the circumstances. I think you can only talk to him and hope he takes some of it in. Also speak to his GF too if she's more sensible.

Original poster
Worriedabouttheholiday · 18/06/2023 13:28

loobylou10 · 18/06/2023 13:27

@Chowtime don't be so patronising. OP - I understand your worries but often when given a bit more freedom, our children surprise us by being more responsible. It's a right of passage. You won't relax for 2 weeks but you have to let him get in with it.

Thank you - I know you’re right, I think I’m a menopausal wreck. I know I’m being irrational to worry to this extent. It’ll be the hardest 2 weeks of my life

OP posts:
Blueberry40 · 18/06/2023 13:29

My son is similar and went abroad with friends at this age. Despite my constant nagging and worrying he got severe sunstroke and suffered for a day or two. He’s never had it since and now finally understands the importance of putting on sunscreen. I honestly think they have to have a few mishaps sometimes to learn from them.

He will probably forget a few things or have a night where he drinks too much but he will learn from it and come home wiser and more resilient. He won’t always have you there to monitor his impulse control and remind him of things in life so this is an important learning experience for him.

Original poster
Worriedabouttheholiday · 18/06/2023 13:30

HoleyShit · 18/06/2023 13:28

How patronising. Did you miss the part about her son having ADHD therefore prone to impulsive behaviour, lack of common sense etc?

OP I don't blame you and think it's perfectly understandable given the circumstances. I think you can only talk to him and hope he takes some of it in. Also speak to his GF too if she's more sensible.

Show quote history

Yes his gf is fabulous- luckily he does have a lot of endearing qualities as well as him being some sort of ‘project’ for her. I’m sure she will keep him under control the best he can.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 18/06/2023 13:32

Please also tell him no cliff jumping or jumping head first into shallow water or water where you don't know the depth. I've heard terrible stories of people hitting their heads on rocks or swimming pool floors.