So worried about DS17 going to Turkey

[Worriedabouttheholiday]

I’m probably being completely irrational but I’m beside myself with anxiety and am looking for reassurance.

DS17 (nearly 18) is going on holiday to Turkey with his gf and another couple (all 18) next week. They are going for 2 weeks.

DS has ADHD and is not very mature. I’m so worried he will do something stupid and either hurt himself or get in trouble. He doesn’t have a great deal of common sense and I am worrying about all manner of things from him getting sunstroke from forgetting to apply sunscreen to losing all his money and passport, to getting violently ill on local spirits to getting lost or missing his flight home.

I keep telling myself it’s all irrational and it’s my anxiety but I just can’t help the terrible worry I feel.

This morning his gf was showing me videos on her phone of him jumping off a shed roof and somersaulting onto her friends trampoline. He almost cracked his head open. This is one of many videos she shared with me which are raising my blood pressure. They’ve told me they’ve paid to hire a boat so I’m worried they will get eaten by a shark and will be doing para gliding and going on quad bikes.

I realise these are fun activities and am sure they will all have a fabulous holiday. I obviously haven’t shown my anxiety and ensured they have travel insurance.

can anyone please reassure me that it’ll all be fine GF and other couple are thankfully quite sensible and a lot more mature. Please be kind x

Make sure he has excellent insurance, take a copy of the “details” page of his passport in case he loses it …and let him get on with it

Thank you I’m trying to believe after your list maybe you’re genuinely trying to be helpful?

I am aware that has poor decision making / risk assessment capabilities. This is why I am stressed and have posted for reassurance.

Do you not think I haven’t tried to make him understand stupid decisions could destroy his life?

Totally understand your worries, I would be the same. However would turning it round to him having a responsibility towards his gf help? Many years ago granted, but myself and another female friend had a horrible time in Turkey, didn't feel safe at all. Would Impressing on him how important it is to make sure his gf gets home safety, doesn't have her drinks spiked etc help?

OP all the hysterical posters talking about cliffs and boats and balconies are just heightening your anxiety and are not helping at all. Ignore them.

Aside from his ADHD, I’m assuming he’s of normal inteligence. He may be wreckless but he’s not stupid I’m guessing.

Letting your kids travel alone is something we all think about when it happens, but we have to let it happen.

Remind him to check that he has travel insurance. If you’re paying his phone bill make sure he’s set up for roaming, but whatever you do don’t ring him. He’s not going to want to hear from you. And there’s every chance he won’t ring you for the duration either.

He’ll be fine.

Thank you, this is sensible- I think I’m focusing too much on his reckless side, he is actually reasonably intelligent (on a good day)! 😂

Good idea, I’ll take that angle. He cares very deeply about her and needs reminding maybe he should be looking out for her (I’m sure he would anyway but doesn’t hurt to remind him)!

Don’t be daft. He’s nearly 18, the OP has said he’s an intelligent lad. Of course it’s natural to worry, but if you don’t let your near adult kids have controlled adult experiences, how can they learn to be adults?

The OP is getting a nice list of things to remind him about. And I pretty sure she already thought of holiday insurance.

A group holiday to Turkey with a reliable girlfriend is a great nursery slope to adulthood, and he’ll be much safer as an adult for having had it.

NB what happens in hospital is they treat you if it’s urgent as they would in the UK, and if it isn’t, you are repatriated on insurance. If they need to do something non urgent to stabilise you they’ll get the OP’s consent electronically if necessary. But generally medical issues divide into urgent - treat regardless / not urgent - send home. Have you never travelled or something?!

I’m so sorry you have to put up with all this worrying. Hopefully in time he grows up. Just make sure he has good travel insurance. Get the one that includes driving motorbikes and water sports etc as teens are most likely to get injured in one of those activities and often insurance doesn’t cover it and you would end up saddled with a bill when the daft sod breaks his leg..

Thank you - this is sensible advice I needed to hear. Yes you’re right I have thought about travel insurance 😂 should have known mumsnet has a lot of posters who seem to have a degree in stating the obvious!

Two weeks is a long time bit I guess it is now booked.
A week would have been sufficient.

Threatened to join him if he start behaving like an idiot.

Also, the emphasis that he is now nearly an adult and has responsibilities towards his gf too and making sure she is OK.

Make sure he has full medical insurance that covers any high-risk sports like paragliding. Take copies of the policy, keep one.

For travel money, use a re-chargeable travel account. So his other bank accounts will never be exposed to theft or fraud. Keep copies of the account details.

Photocopy his passport (the pages with his details and photo). Keep one copy; send the other with him in case he loses his passport.. Make sure you are the named emergency contact in his Passport.

Photo copy all his travel details and tickets. Keep copies.

Have a chat about responsible behaviour in Turkey; where laws and social expectations are very different.

Done all that?

My mother didn't, in the 1960's when I was 19 and set off with a GF, a third class train ticket to Istanbul and £36 in my pocket, to spend 2 months hitchhiking and rough camping around Turkey. My only contact with home was sending occasional postcards. It never occurred to me Mother might be worried and she probably wasn't (she was tough, and expected me to be).
It was a great trip, no regrets.

Probably a bit late as he’s going next week but as he’s not an adult I wouldn’t have let him go I don’t think. Is he funding it himself? Obviously at 18 he can do as he likes but not an immature 17 year old.
I’m not usually one for mollycoddling and am all for giving my teens a lot of freedom but this would be a step too far for me. I’ve heard far too many tales of young lads drinking and diving off balconies into hotel pools and ending up paralysed for life. A very mature 17 year old I would consider it.
I went to Turkey as a teen and although it’s a Muslim country alcohol was readily available in the resorts to underage teens.
If he’s definitely going I think all you can do is drum it into him that showing off isn’t worth the potential consequences. But if he acts on impulse with alcohol in the mix as well I think you’re right to have concerns.

Has he been on any trips in the uk with friends or anything before?

You’re right-easier said than done, I’ll have check with his network provider that his phone will work over there

You need worldwide roaming for Turkey. When my ds went we changed his plan because otherwise it was over £6.50 a day to use his phone.

But yanbu to worry.

My ds went on a sports camp. He's autistic. I still worried he'd do something stupid and he's not even a risk taker and is a complete follower of the rules!

I appreciate you want reassurance and I’d be worried too. I was a holiday rep for club 18-30 in my 20’s. Most teenagers are ridiculous on holiday. I have so many stories however young couples on holiday were a lot easier to deal with. They weren’t quite as reckless as big groups. We used to spend a lot of time with our clients though and lived in the hotels so could keep an eye out .

all you can do is talk to him though. Hopefully his girlfriend will keep him in the straight and narrow and they’ll have wonderful holiday.

It sounds like he can do equally stupid things in the UK so why worry more about him being in Turkey?

Do they have sharks in Turkey?

Good grief, are you known as Jonah in your circles???

If OP was calming a little before I bet she isn’t now!

This is going to sound awful but in all honesty I’d be tempted to hide his passport and pretend he’s lost it.

OP I currently have an 18y son in Thailand and a 19y girl inter-railing. I feel on edge but what can you do. It’s the age of confidence and invincibility and that’s as it should be. How else will they explore and learn about themselves and the world about them?

Shame it coincides with perimenopausal anxiety ;-) Oh and I work full time too; sadly I can multi task and worry at the same time!

Think of the alternative. A child with no friends who has anxiety/depression and doesn’t want to leave the house? I wouldn’t want that either.

They are allowed to take risks and explore the world. And we are allowed to worry. And that’s the natural way of the world. Soon they will hopefully be back and we can watch the latest series of Black Mirror on Netflix together.

At least there are reliable ways to make contact nowadays.

I guess he's staying in a hotel or an apartment?

I totally hear you on your concerns. DS is similar but has reminded me that he's nearly an adult and can do his own things thankyou.

I hate to imagine what went through my parents minds when I went travelling.

I hope this isn’t a genuine comment…

I was providing practical advice on how to minimise the risk of a teenager (who was described as immature and impulsive) getting hurt. I have a 17yo boy with additional needs so thought I was well placed to answer. Forewarned is forearmed and all that. The OP can choose to ignore my post if she wishes. Whatever.

I wouldn’t let my immature son go on holiday with his friends because I had concerns. I just said no and that was that.

Yanbu I'd be a mess worrying aswell.

Get him to look at his holiday insurance documents so he knows exactly what he's covered for and what he isn't. Explain to consequences in the family if he does something he isn't covered for and needs to be airlifted home.