So worried about DS17 going to Turkey

[Worriedabouttheholiday]

I’m probably being completely irrational but I’m beside myself with anxiety and am looking for reassurance.

DS17 (nearly 18) is going on holiday to Turkey with his gf and another couple (all 18) next week. They are going for 2 weeks.

DS has ADHD and is not very mature. I’m so worried he will do something stupid and either hurt himself or get in trouble. He doesn’t have a great deal of common sense and I am worrying about all manner of things from him getting sunstroke from forgetting to apply sunscreen to losing all his money and passport, to getting violently ill on local spirits to getting lost or missing his flight home.

I keep telling myself it’s all irrational and it’s my anxiety but I just can’t help the terrible worry I feel.

This morning his gf was showing me videos on her phone of him jumping off a shed roof and somersaulting onto her friends trampoline. He almost cracked his head open. This is one of many videos she shared with me which are raising my blood pressure. They’ve told me they’ve paid to hire a boat so I’m worried they will get eaten by a shark and will be doing para gliding and going on quad bikes.

I realise these are fun activities and am sure they will all have a fabulous holiday. I obviously haven’t shown my anxiety and ensured they have travel insurance.

can anyone please reassure me that it’ll all be fine GF and other couple are thankfully quite sensible and a lot more mature. Please be kind x

Also at least he's going with his GF and another couple and not a group of lads were he'd be more likely to do stupid stuff!

You're not irrational to worry given the circumstances. Maybe write him a letter instead of saying it verbally. My husband has ADHD and this is often a better way of getting your point across and it sinks in a bit more!

We can't reassure you it will be fine, but we can assure you that unless he goes, starts at make independent decisions assess his own risk, and mature through this process then he won't be fine, he'll remain a man child who never had to learn to take responsibility.

Teenage boys going on holiday is a scary thing, I spent a week on edge when mine did it, they are immature and risk takers, so it's hard knowing that. But they have to separate and learn to become responsible men and this is partly how: through the consequences of their own stupidity.

Just breathe deeply, don't share too much anxiety and count the days until you're relieved he's home safe albeit sun burned and hung over.

It would comfort me that it is 2 couples and not a huge bunch of lads.
And yes the jumping from balconies into pools is what I meant.
When I was an older teen I dived into a pool (usual racing start type dive) without checking g depth, grazed my chin on the bottom and sported a lovely scab all holiday. And that wasn't me being reckless. Its so important to check pool depths. I am paranoid about it. Any deeper and I could have really done myself some damage.

You never stop worrying about your kids. That is what being a parent is about.

Quite an unpleasant post actually.

Double check his insurance covers extreme sports like the paragliding etc. A friend had an accident on a quad bike and insurance didn't cover it as it was classed as an extreme sport.

Watch Sheridan SMith's 'No return with him'. He needs to see how quickly young people can get in trouble in Turkey. It might be an ITV drama, and he might be a straight teenager with a girlfriend but he needs to understand the their cultural norms are very different and he needs to respect that and that the authorities there can be ruthless if he oversteps the mark.

She’s fine with it, her ‘supervising’ comes from her not me. Luckily she finds his nonsense quite funny most of the time and enjoys telling him off (tongue in cheek)

sorry to hear your views on your DD but that’s not relevant to my situation

Good point, I hadn’t thought of whether the insurance will cover that. May just take out additional insurance- they would have just got the cheapest one

It doesn't end. Our daughter is 39 and is in Montenegro with ex Uni friends. Tomorrow they come home and she us staying on fir another 2 weeks touring Croatia. She is bright and sensible, but we will still worry about her till she gets home. The first time they are away is the worst, but at least you can keep in touch with face time and WhatsApp.

I’m worried they will get eaten by a shark

Jeezo.

Bless you OP. My DS is 22 and has ADHD and I would be the same.

Luckily my DS tends to go on city breaks, but he has lost his passport whilst away.

Make sure he’s fully insured. Encourage him to drink as much mineral water as he can (better to tell him to do something than not to do something) and to call you if he’s worried about anything.

You have to let him go, but if he can send regular WhatsApp/Messenger/Instagram messages and photos hopefully you’ll feel ok.

I'm sure he'll be absolutely fine on holiday but I don't like the sound of him being a project for his girlfriend. What do you mean by that?

He’ll be alright particularly if the others are mature he’s less likely to do silly things. Maybe confide in girlfriend you are worried… confide in her like a friend though not like an overbearing MIL ha ha. Just tell her you’re a worrier and know what he’s like and hope he doesn’t do anything silly. She will reassure you I’m sure

I think you have to let him go and do this - but how to curb your anxiety?

It is a mixed-sex group and that is a positive - a gang of lads would be more of a worry - sorry that is sexist, but true I think. Testosterone is a powerful force.

Get good insurance, as others have said.

I had to let my DDs go on holidays with friends when they were teenagers. One was just with her boyfriend; and other was a whole gang of girls in Thailand. I heaved a sigh of relief when they got back home safely - as mostly they do. We only hear the shock horror stories because they are unusual, so hang on to that thought.

As the mum of an ADHD ASD 15 year old, I feel your pain.

It's good he will be part of a small group of friends who will hopefully keep an eye on him. All you can do is point out some of the biggest risks to be aware of and let him make his choices.

My DD only seems to learn through her mistakes (sometimes the same mistake multiple times). It's a hard way to learn and scary for me as her mum but you just have to hope that you've managed to teach them enough so that the mistakes aren't too serious.

I'm sure he'll have a great time and the next time he's away you will feel a bit more relaxed.

It’s just a tongue in cheek comment- we all find it funny (DS included) he knows he’s hard work, but also know we all love and adore him just the way he is.

I don't think you are being irrational OP. My son is only 10 and doesn't have adhd but I'd still be worried.
I would keep it mostly to myself and not stop him going but I think it's normal to worry and probably really difficult the first time.

A couple of practical bits of advice.
If your DS has online banking make sure you have full access to his account so if his phone/card is stolen he can contact you via girlfriends phone and you can block his card until it is cancelled.
Upload his girlfriends bank details do you can transfer money to her account.
Make sure he has full insurance.
Encourage him to use an across the body bag for valuables.

I spent half an hour explaining to DS how not to get ripped off exchanging money. They have so little experience of cash nowadays. The concept of changing money is totally alien to them. Bars and restaurants will add a charge for converting an invoice to Stirling so they have to watch for those extras being added unnecessarily.

I tend to make a list of emergency numbers and screenshot them ready to forward if anything happens.

A decent first aid kit is a good idea.

OP I understand how you feel. DS is 17 and going on holiday in a couple of weeks too. He’s quite sensible himself, but he’s going with a crazy reckless friend, and he’s quite easily led. Crazy friend is lovely but has no concept of danger. Like you I’m worried about everything. I’m just trying to tell myself over and over that it’s a rite of passage, got to be done. They’ve got insurance and I’ve got to hope for the best.

Chowtime · Today 13:18
It'll be fine. As our kids grow older we need to find other things to focus on and worry about.

Do you have a job?”

Patronising, much?