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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So worried about DS17 going to Turkey

126 replies

Worriedabouttheholiday · 18/06/2023 13:15

I’m probably being completely irrational but I’m beside myself with anxiety and am looking for reassurance.

DS17 (nearly 18) is going on holiday to Turkey with his gf and another couple (all 18) next week. They are going for 2 weeks.

DS has ADHD and is not very mature. I’m so worried he will do something stupid and either hurt himself or get in trouble. He doesn’t have a great deal of common sense and I am worrying about all manner of things from him getting sunstroke from forgetting to apply sunscreen to losing all his money and passport, to getting violently ill on local spirits to getting lost or missing his flight home.

I keep telling myself it’s all irrational and it’s my anxiety but I just can’t help the terrible worry I feel.

This morning his gf was showing me videos on her phone of him jumping off a shed roof and somersaulting onto her friends trampoline. He almost cracked his head open. This is one of many videos she shared with me which are raising my blood pressure. They’ve told me they’ve paid to hire a boat so I’m worried they will get eaten by a shark and will be doing para gliding and going on quad bikes.

I realise these are fun activities and am sure they will all have a fabulous holiday. I obviously haven’t shown my anxiety and ensured they have travel insurance.

can anyone please reassure me that it’ll all be fine GF and other couple are thankfully quite sensible and a lot more mature. Please be kind x

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedabouttheholiday · 18/06/2023 19:11

BackOfTheMum5net · 18/06/2023 15:18

It sounds like he can do equally stupid things in the UK so why worry more about him being in Turkey?

Do they have sharks in Turkey?

Well you’re right, he does do equally stupid things in the UK. I would have thought it was obvious why I will worry more with him being in Turkey - because he’s in Turkey……

You know a different country with a different language, different culture, different currency, different rules / laws. A long way from home if there was a problem or he got sick? I’m surprised I need to write this?

OP posts:
fadingfast · 18/06/2023 19:18

Solidarity from me OP. My DS(18) is going to Portugal next week with 7 other friends! Only for 5 nights, but I am likewise petrified. One minute I think, it will be fine, he’s sensible and he should be having adventures at his age. The next minute I think he is going to end up getting his passport/phone/money stolen, or drown in the swimming pool/sea or get arrested or thrown out of the villa. I don’t think I’m going to get much sleep!

Original poster
Worriedabouttheholiday · 18/06/2023 19:20

Oh I have a question- I told him to make sure he puts his money, plane tickets and passport in the hotel safe on arrival, but he said the safes are actually not safe at all and the staff easily work out the combination and steal belongings (told by his friend who had stayed in the same area last year). Is this likely? In which case what should one do with important items, surely carrying them around in a bum bag is less safe?

what do you do if the hotel room safe looks dodgy and can easily be tampered with?

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 18/06/2023 19:25

I understand your worries. I lost a uni friend when he went on holiday to celebrate graduation and fell off a balcony. I think that may also have been Turkey. I can't even imagine how his parents must have felt to get that news. It was so sad, he was just starting out in life, so much potential.

Sometimes health and safety is not as strict abroad as it is here eg balcony heights or safety barriers etc are not the same. Combine that with cheaper booze and a lowering of inhibitions and I can understand why you're worried.

I would sit him down and discuss the jumping off the shed roof thing and ask him to explain to you if he could see the risk or not. Tell him for every 100 videos on Tiktok of those turning out ok, there's probably another incident where it ended badly. Tell him that he really shoudl not be taking ANY risks in a foreign country, where the culture is different, standards are different, laws are different etc etc. Ask him to imagine how he'd feel if his (and his friends') holiday was ruined because he ended up having to stay in hospital for the rest of it. Discuss what his insurance covers. Tell him if he's going on holiday as an adult then he has to be responsible like an adult, for himself and for his travelling companions, and think his actions through properly, and doing risky things to show off like a 9 year old is not part of that.

Roselilly36 · 18/06/2023 19:48

As a mum, you never stop worrying, my DS are 22 and 20. It never stops. Ignore posters that say time to cut apron strings, they can’t be mums, or think some kind of magic wand type if thing happens at 16.

SoShallINever · 18/06/2023 20:07

Turkey is a Muslim country so I would be having a chat with him about what that means. There will be less tolerance of "lad culture" and drinking yourself into oblivion, and also much stronger rules around decency. Make sure he is aware that anything involving drugs will involve a prison sentence to be served in Turkey (not your local young offenders holiday camp).
He needs to grow up.

mumonthehill · 18/06/2023 20:13

Re keeping things safe, honestly the best tip and I know he is a boy, but it it to wrap cash in an unused sanitary towel and put passport in the package. Or roll into a tampon tube.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 18/06/2023 20:18

Get him a bum bag. Sorted.

HotPenguin · 18/06/2023 20:29

Who's paying for the holiday? If he has a job and has earned the money then he's perhaps a bit more mature, but if you are paying for it then why did you agree in the first place?

Georgeandzippyzoo · 18/06/2023 20:36

Please get them to check hheirninsurance carefully. A friends son had insurance but in the small print utility had particulars ie no mopeds, quads type thing. He crashed a moped into a bin, needed stitches. luckily a taxi driver told him to say he simply fell into the bin while drunk. Insurance covered that but would not have covered him for crashing the moped.

continentallentil · 18/06/2023 20:47

Worriedabouttheholiday · 18/06/2023 19:20

Oh I have a question- I told him to make sure he puts his money, plane tickets and passport in the hotel safe on arrival, but he said the safes are actually not safe at all and the staff easily work out the combination and steal belongings (told by his friend who had stayed in the same area last year). Is this likely? In which case what should one do with important items, surely carrying them around in a bum bag is less safe?

what do you do if the hotel room safe looks dodgy and can easily be tampered with?

Hotel reception will have safety deposit boxes, so leave passports there rather than in the room.

Don’t take significant cash - they should take a couple of cards each, keep one in a pocket and one in a security belt.

Flight tickets are electronic so you don’t need to worry about those.

Take copies of passports tickets and card details, keep one at home, and again they should keep copies in their safety belts.

Honestly anything that does crop up is easy to sort - in the unlikely event they loose all access to cash you can just send over money via Western Union or whatever. Loosing your passport is a pain, but he’ll get a temp one sorted via the consulate in a day or two.

What’s very useful, other than the all important security belts, is a waterproof pocket thing to put valuables in when you go swimming.

Original poster
Worriedabouttheholiday · 18/06/2023 20:50

continentallentil · 18/06/2023 20:47

Hotel reception will have safety deposit boxes, so leave passports there rather than in the room.

Don’t take significant cash - they should take a couple of cards each, keep one in a pocket and one in a security belt.

Flight tickets are electronic so you don’t need to worry about those.

Take copies of passports tickets and card details, keep one at home, and again they should keep copies in their safety belts.

Honestly anything that does crop up is easy to sort - in the unlikely event they loose all access to cash you can just send over money via Western Union or whatever. Loosing your passport is a pain, but he’ll get a temp one sorted via the consulate in a day or two.

What’s very useful, other than the all important security belts, is a waterproof pocket thing to put valuables in when you go swimming.

Show quote history

This is really helpful thanks- I’ve just ordered waterproof pockets for their phones 😊

OP posts:
Mummadeze · 18/06/2023 21:06

Really hope it all goes well. I would prep his girlfriend on how to keep him safe as well as him. My ND 14 year old went to the mall today with friends on the bus for the first time today. I was worried the whole time, but all went well. It is hard not to fret though. When I was 17 I went on holiday with my 14 year old sister (can’t believe my Mum let us!). We got pickpocketed at the airport and had to go and sort all that out at the police station in Spanish. We then fell for a con and lost a load more money. We got terrible sunburn, but we still had a nice time and came home in one piece.

HappiDaze · 18/06/2023 21:22

His GF and the other couple will look out for him

Make sure he gets travel insurance that covers water sports as even jumping off a low cliff into water counts as this

Basically any accident in water seems to constitute a water sport

HappiDaze · 18/06/2023 21:23

The Post Office does decent holiday insurance

mushroommummy · 30/06/2023 13:14

How’s he getting on OP?

arghtriffid · 30/06/2023 13:26

I’m worried they will get eaten by a shark

Jeezo.
😂

17 is still young. I would be worried too but I think the fact it is two couples would make me feel much better.

Conkersinautumn · 30/06/2023 13:37

I'm going to Turkey and have been before, we've also hired boats. The thing is the boat hirers don't want anything untoward happening for the impact on their business so they'll be keeping sort of an eye, he's in a group so ideally one will always be vaguely sober enough at a time to curb the worst ideas? Generally I find the Turkish friendly, helpful and also community involved if you see what I mean, so I also feel that bar staff, restaurant staff wouldn't be wary of stepping in if a situation looked off either. Turkey feels a fairly safe place in that there's usually families out and about in most areas I've been.

Original poster
Worriedabouttheholiday · 19/07/2023 19:02

Just wanted to update and thank everyone for their support and reassurance. DS is safely back unscathed and had the holiday of a lifetime!

He was on the phone to us everyday wanting to tell us about all his adventures! Sent dozens of photos and videos and wanted to discuss at length (he was on the phone for at least 20 minutes every day!).

He ran out of money on day 7 - having spent all his money on activities and clubbing so we transferred a further couple of hundred which he spent on knock off designer clothes. (Ah to be young- remember doing that as a youngster in Thailand)

I realise I totally underestimated how he can be a sensible young man - he loved the people there, made friends, danced with the bouncers, visited beautiful beaches and landscapes with amazing waterfalls, went off road dirt buggying, hired a yacht for the day, visited the mud baths and jet skiied.

He was on the first floor of his hotel, so the balcony wasn’t that high phew! And he didn’t meet any sharks when swimming 🦈
I want to go myself now!

OP posts:
Comedycook · 19/07/2023 19:18

Great update op!

LlynTegid · 19/07/2023 19:20

Thanks for coming back and telling us it went well.

Personally Turkey is not somewhere I'd go to, but each to their own.

Ohmylovejune · 19/07/2023 19:21

Make sure he understands what his insurance covers. It doesn't always cover activities resulting in problems (a mate had an accident on a road quad bike and wasn't covered on theirs).

Ohmylovejune · 19/07/2023 19:21

Ahhh I see he's back!

itsmyp4rty · 19/07/2023 19:25

So jealous of him OP! Sounds like he had the best time!

Flidina · 19/07/2023 19:33

I understand your anxiety completely OP, my 17 year old son, has just gone to Ibiza for 2 weeks with friends, he also has ADHD, Aspergers and Dyspraxia. I'm constantly texting him, about staying hydrated, reminding him about sunscreen, and to leave the booze alone lol,mind you, I don't think he's taking a blind bit of notice🙄.. It is a worry, I know, just hoping he gets home in one piece!

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