So worried about DS17 going to Turkey

[Worriedabouttheholiday]

I’m probably being completely irrational but I’m beside myself with anxiety and am looking for reassurance.

DS17 (nearly 18) is going on holiday to Turkey with his gf and another couple (all 18) next week. They are going for 2 weeks.

DS has ADHD and is not very mature. I’m so worried he will do something stupid and either hurt himself or get in trouble. He doesn’t have a great deal of common sense and I am worrying about all manner of things from him getting sunstroke from forgetting to apply sunscreen to losing all his money and passport, to getting violently ill on local spirits to getting lost or missing his flight home.

I keep telling myself it’s all irrational and it’s my anxiety but I just can’t help the terrible worry I feel.

This morning his gf was showing me videos on her phone of him jumping off a shed roof and somersaulting onto her friends trampoline. He almost cracked his head open. This is one of many videos she shared with me which are raising my blood pressure. They’ve told me they’ve paid to hire a boat so I’m worried they will get eaten by a shark and will be doing para gliding and going on quad bikes.

I realise these are fun activities and am sure they will all have a fabulous holiday. I obviously haven’t shown my anxiety and ensured they have travel insurance.

can anyone please reassure me that it’ll all be fine GF and other couple are thankfully quite sensible and a lot more mature. Please be kind x

Oh gosh it was not meant to be taken literally 😂
have a great day

I can totally get being nervous about him going, my DS is only 16 and I already dread next year when he is sure to be off.
I am sure you meant the GF supervising thing light-heartedly, but I hope you wouldn't hold her responsible if anything did happen to him.

I don’t agree with you. Being a parent shouldn’t be about worrying, worrying is an unhelpful, pointless emotion and excessive amounts of it do our children no good at all.

This OP is right to have some level of concern, but ‘constantly’ telling her son to find the embassy is ridiculous and all these replies telling her she’s perfectly reasonable are enabling it.

I don't want to further worry you, but please warn his girlfriend about cliff diving - especially given they are hiring a boat. When we holidayed in Turkey many years ago, we watched a family goad their daughters into jumping off the cliff. One hesitated, they held hands, and they got torn apart on the way down. We watched from our boat in absolute horror.

Do you have 'find my family' on iPhone or something similar? It may give you some peace of mind without ruining his holiday with constant check-ins.

Will do thank you

Good for you

Best let the logical part kick in then.

Is he on medication?

I would be worried too with those videos; but at the same time some of those things could happen anywhere, at university, near his house, on the weekends.

But I guess all you can do is talk to him an pray. Hopefully the other people he is travelling with will help but it is unfair to give them that responsibility. Also, do something for your anxiety as worrying doesn’t help. Meditation?

Really helpful @Comedycook. Well done.

Chances are it will be fine OP - he's no more likely to fall off a shed in Turkey than here and either way he's very unlikely to have a serious accident.

Send him a couple of articles on young lads falling off hotel balconies and breaking their necks (try not to scare the shit out of yourself in the process), talk to him and his girlfriend about how they'll guard against losing their cash / getting robbed / getting lost at night (not that this is the type of thing that would do him any long term harm, but the answer is waterproof security belts) Look up a sending your kids on a gap year type article which will have good tips like photocopying your passport. And buy them a copy of Turkey lonely planet which will outline any pitfalls.

But beyond that, he's coming up for 18 and the apron strings have to get cut just about now or what kind of adult will he be? A hopeless one TBH. I did a lot of travelling when I was younger, often alone through very undeveloped parts of the world, I had some eye watering experiences (don't worry! this won't happen to him on a group jaunt to Turkey!) and I survived fine as does practically everyone else. Serious incidents are mercifully very very rare.

He'll have a great time, and hopefully you'll be able to see how it's helped him grow up.

Thank you- I think I needed to hear this

He was covered in really dangerous pollen that would have killed him. It wasn’t a potential or unlikely risk, it was very real. That was a thread where the OP’s pet was in the vets having life saving treatment so of course I could understand that worry, it was very logical.

Not yet an adult an going to Turkey with friends. I would be worried too, in fact I would put my foot down. Have you checked his travel insurance? What happens if he ends up in hospital and needs an adult to sign a consent form? I know on MN 17 year olds are classed as adults but in law they aren't.

''I'm worried about my teenager who can be a little reckless going away with his friends for the first time''

DO YOU HAVE A JOB

What the actual hell?

@Worriedabouttheholiday

Hopefully the teens will all look out for each other.

Have trust in your son to be sensible.

ds is not long back from his first holiday - 10 lads together in Greece.

I was worried about quads, jet skis, climbing balconies, boats and sunburn/stroke. They spent the whole week in bed until nearly dinner time, then out clubbing until 4-5am. They all came back knackered and as pasty white as they left, don't think they saw any sun!

OP it is normal to be worried for these big "firsts" - first time out in car himself with friends, first holidays, going to uni alone etc. I am sure I will be much better next year! All you can do at this stage of their lives is be their mentor, hope for the best and be glad they are out enjoying the best years of their life and not holed up in their room.

I'd sit him down, having made a list of common holiday disasters. If he's unable to accept responsibility for himself and the very real dangers and take appropriate precautions, then he shouldn't be allowed to go. In no particular order (and you can google real examples):

1. diving into pool of unknown depth, breaking neck, paralysed

2. a lot of hard floors being wet and slipping and breaking ankle

3. dehydrated/sunburnt - sunstroke etc, even skin cancer in future

4. Falling/jumping off balcony, whether that's into a pool or a hard surface. Death/serious injury.

5. Getting so pissed that you cannot keep yourself safe (eg wandering into traffic, falling off balcony). Again death, serious injury.

6. Jumping off rocks into the sea and not knowing what's beneath (ie rocks under the sea surface to cause death/serious injury)

7. Not having condoms or whatever - pregnancy

8. Taking any kind of drugs - absolutely idiotic

If he has somersaulted off a shed roof onto a trampoline, then he has very poor decision making/risk assessment capabilities. You should tell him that no such tricks/idiocy should be done in Turkey under any circumstances.

Try to make him understand that a stupid decision that took seconds to make could destroy the rest of his life.

I don't think people really understand that ND teens are behind on their emotional maturity.

My DD14 is more like a 10/11 year old.

OP I'd be worried too.
If he's a strong swimmer and understands risk taking and with a relatively sensible bunch then I might be ok. But honestly I'd find this one hard.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W1Camfpk2zw&pp=ygUobWVkaXRhdGlvbiBmb3IgYW54aWV0eSBtaW5kZnVsIG1vdmVtZW50IA%3D%3D

Some good meditations from the Mindful movement in YouTube.

My niece has ADHD and is on medication which has made a big difference.

Of course what will happen is you’ll buy The Lonely Planet, get engrossed in it and get a serious case of envy… and then you’ll be shoving him out the door so you can go have a grey gap year of your own. 😁

I LOVE travelling, there is no experience more enriching.. I’m now distracting myself from work, planning trips..