To still be seething she made a cake

[TheCakeConspiracy]

We threw a small party a few weeks ago for DS's birthday. My mother had offered to make a cake. This was very kind of her, however it's our child's birthday and we really wanted to provide the cake. Explained this to her and asked if she could make something else instead.

Skip to party day, she turns up with the 'something else' AND a cake! Ultimately the centre piece of a birthday party.

AIBU to still be quietly raging about this?

Yes - get over it, she was just trying to be nice and it's only a cake

No - she didn't listen to you, didn't care what you wanted and tried to take over a little bit

You realise this is all about you, not your child. It sounds like you are the one with control issues. You are glad that your child does not have the benefit of a grandmother relationship in case of what, that she outshines you with a cake?

"Oh lovely, a cake for the adults to eat, we'll put that out of the way until after the candles are blown on the birthday cake, thank you so much"

Job done 😁

It was a sponge cake decorated with fruit!

I can't imagine a four year old preferred that over their actual birthday cake.

To be seething over this weeks later is unhealthy.

What a non-issue.

"Thanks for the cake, Mum."

Take her cake to the kitchen. Slice immediately. Store in fridge.

Your cake is the centrepiece for 'Happy birthday".

Pop some slices of her cake onto plates and leave out for those interested. Have one yourself. Compliment profusely.

"Your cake is delicious. Thanks again, Mum!"

Unreasonable boundaries are abusive.

Meh, we always have at least 2 cakes at my kids’ parties. People like to bake cakes. It’s always clear which one is THE birthday cake. And the grown ups like to have the choice of a cake not covered in icing and smarties. A sponge with fruit sounds like a lovely addition to a party spread.

Haven't we already heard this?? I'm sure it's been posted before.

Oh FFS. So's mine but I don't use that fact to virtue signal. Don't be so awful 🙄

4yo’s do not want fruitcake. Actually most adults don’t want fruitcake 🤮

Also there’s always one poster who thinks by virtue of them being alive people can treat their adult children like total shit. Ridiculous.

Did we ever find out if this meant two cakes or just one, seeing as it ended up as the centerpiece?

YANBU - my MIL had form for these sorts of antics. Only those who have experience of the type will understand, as some of the responses show.

You could be petty and get her back by top-trumping her at a social engagement she's responsible for organising (perhaps turn up on Christmas day with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's Ten-bird roast) but personally, I'd just ignore.

But she didn’t make a kids cake with a dinosaur or Thomas or Minions or anything. She turned up to a party with a cake decorated with fruit. It’s a nice thing to do. Kids get your son’s cake, parents could be offered a slice of your Mum’s cake. Two options of cake at a party is fairly normal. You sound way too sensitive. Like others have said ‘Granny making a cake for a party’ is not a bad thing. In ten years time she might not be here. Be grateful she cares.

She was unreasonable, but so were you if you let it become "the centre piece of the birthday party". Surely your cake was the one with the candles, whilst hers was just an added extra?

It's a cake. It's phenomenally petty to turn it into some ridiculous power play. Who cares whether it's the centrepiece or not? The more cake, the better. The most absurd advice in this thread was to bin it out of some misplaced pique.

If your mother has a history of overriding your wishes and boundaries, that's certainly something you should stand up for yourself over. But do it over something that actually matters. It's 100% unreasonable to be "seething" over more cake. You weren't inconvenienced in any way, this was about your ego wanting your cake to be the centre of attention. Which, regardless of your mother's faux pas, is just an eye-rollingly petty way to think.

It wasn't a fruitcake.

"it wasn't a fruitcake" was meant to quote this...

Lifescary, similar scenario with Mil. She used to make amazing cakes, everything the kids and GKs were into. Very intricate cakes,my wedding cake. Asked her to make wedding cake for DC, she was invited to the wedding out of sheer politeness, child from previous marriage, she hadn't seen for many years. She turned round, said she didn't make cakes,WTAF!! DD, who had never made any cake, said she wanted to do it, for her sibling. She was 17.We went to the reception venue 3 hours before party was due to start,had already chatted about the fact that no-one under 50 we know eats fruit cake. She went into the kitchen,took over arranged HER TWO yup fruit cakes on the top table, complete with very fancy decorating. I know which camp I am in.

I don’t think YABU if this act makes you think less of your mum or makes you tell her less stuff/involve her less in your life. It’s disrespectful and undermining.

But, whilst finding the “my mum is dead” rhetoric a bit vile and completely irrelevant, I agree with the sentiment that it’s pointless to be seething about this. The way to deal with it was to be as upfront as necessary about the fact you’d already got/made the cake for the party and asked her not to do one and, blatantly if necessary, move her cake into the fridge and give yours centre stage.

Your seething needs to be about the fact you were a doormat about it - use the feeling to encourage yourself to grow more of a back bone and stand up for yourself.

My stepMum did this, but it was unintentional! We’d bought a cake and she had made the most awesome cake ever for my dd. I was a little bit sad, but her cake was just so awesome, I ended up laughing at our shop bought one!

As long as she didn't put candles on it and treat it as the birthday cake, I wouldn't be bothered. Just put it alongside the other desserts.

In my opinion you can never have too much cake. I'd have used yours at the party and taken hers home to enjoy the next day saying "I told you we were making one for the party but thanks, we'll enjoy this tomorrow"

This has nothing to do with the cake, it’s about the boundary she’s crossed. You said no thank you and she did it anyway. Super rude.

Someone who has boundaries about cake probably has boundaries about everything else too, which is why people don't listen when they say what their boundaries are.

Fuck me...
Is this all you have to worry about in life?,a frigging cake?
Get over yourself ffs.