Neighbours in their gardens, is it cultural?

[Marine59]

Hi guys I have moved to England and have really settled in very well and am enjoying myself and my job a lot. There's just one problem I am really struggling with and I want to know whether I need to get over myself because its a cultural difference or whether it's a real problem.

So in my country people are festive and I believe myself to be too! But where I live, it's rows and rows of houses with very small and cute gardens, maybe each garden is 20m2. And lots of the neighbours (mainly young ones from their voices) are what I consider to be disrespectful - music and television from inside at maximum volume with windows and doors open, going in their garden in big groups and speaking and laughing at maximum volume...

Of course I understand having a good time, but I'm used to people going out for this or doing it inside, and then when outside lowering their voices.

It means when you're outside in your garden you are basically like as if you were in their party. I don't mind noise of course, that's normal! For example my neighbours right next to me, they have barbecues and eat outside, but they really understand that our gardens are small so they bring their voices down just a tiny bit I can tell (in fact they apologised to me for their barking dog which I thought was so kind! It didn't bother me at all, it's just an animal).

I don't want to be a bitch and I'm just wondering whether I need to accept this and get over it because it's a cultural difference or whether this is considered bad practice? Is it normal? I think maybe it is because on my street I'd say I have heard maybe 4 different houses do things this way. What do you think?

The poster has said they are from a different country so they are talking about British culture I.e. is it cultural.

It's not normal where I live. I'm in the middle of a city. Victorian terraced houses with high stone walls between the gardens which back on to the gardens of a similar street. You can't see over the walls, might hear people talking and smell barbecues but there's never music.

I sat in the garden and read most of the weekend. Blissful

It's typical of a type, but by no means all. It's not typical of Victorian terraced houses in the city I live in. I'm not however going to post a picture of my house.

if they have guests always expect unbridled noise .....

What a nasty comment. People with less money are “ trash”.

No I don’t think that level of garden noise is either normal for UK or acceptable but then again I suppose it depends where you live.

Obviously there’s going to be more noise in the summer but sone neighbours are just selfish and inconsiderate.

Unfortunately OP, as you’ve probably seen from some of the comments on here, the UK is pretty much ram jammed with inconsiderate, self entitled people, who really couldn’t give a toss about your right to enjoy your garden too. Self entitled people raising self entitled kids. Can’t imagine what the UK will be like in 20 years when the feral kids will grow up to be feral adults. It’s scarey……

We lived in naice areas,Surrey posh village, professional neighbours, BBQs,loud parties,too much to drink,one time set light to bags of leaves at the end of our garden. These were people in their 40s,50s. Have had dogs since I was a kid,got one now,sick of barking dogs night and day. Decided this time.... detached bungalow downsized,big garden, unoverlooked, pleasant village location. Does it stop arsehole neighbours,huh, what do you think. No, I don't blame the dogs for barking,of course I blame the owners.

I live in a suburban street of semi detached houses. The gardens are the width of each house and quite long. When I first came to this country I felt really hemmed in because I could hear people in their gardens all along the road. I’ve got used to that now and it’s only occasionally when people have a barbecue or a children’s party etc that the noise disturbs me. Certainly on a day to day basis no one plays loud music with open doors and windows.
Our Cul de Sac has a Whatts App and occasional street celebrations so the neighbours are familiar with each other and I think that encourages everyone to be considerate of their neighbours.
If you live in an area where there a lot of young people/student tenants you can expect more noise, I think, and also more residents per house.

To be fair, a 20m2 garden is about 5m wide. It would be almost impossible to hear everything from next door at that distance - even things like telly at a normal volume with the window open.

The cultural aspect is our culture of accepting postage stamps as gardens.

I'm in Belgium. Large-ish house with citygarden, same for the neighbours. We don't exactly whisper when we're outside, but we talk in a normal voice, on a regular volume. Normally we can't overhear conversations,over the gardenwalls, but yes we hear people are talking and laughing. They hear us as well. If and when someone in the neighbourhood intends to have a larger gathering than usual we tell the neighbours in advance. We all know how to reach eachother in case things get out of hand. We never have TV or music so loud as to be heard outside, but if families with children are together the noise can get rather loud of course. I guess it's the same for most people, also for your neighbours. So no, YANBU and yes, YABU a tiny bit I'm afraid. In a neighbourhood it's often a question of give and take. Try and enjoy the vibe of your neighbourhood!

No, it's absolutely not the norm. There are, unfortunately, quite a lot of selfish & thoughtless people around, though.

If you live in a house with a garden that tiny and they’re all right next to each other then how can you expect not to hear noise? I don’t really see what difference keeping your voice down would be tbh 🤷‍♀️

Wow, you and your classism are miles worse than people making a bit of noise in their garden.

OP, I would say it’s typical of terraces. I live in row of Victorian terraces and there’s lots of dogs, giddy laddish behaviour especially when the suns out. Dies down when the sun disappears so won’t last for long lol

its definitely normal here! If it isn’t going on until ridiculous hours, you’re really lucky 🤣 i don’t mind hearing people in gardens having fun, I actually quite enjoy it unless is stupidly early/late.. but I wfh and barking dogs drives me crazy! A few neighbours at the back of me seem to leave their little yappy things out ALL day 🤯

In England we get excited at the sight of the sun and immediately the BBQs begin and the shorts come on. As long as it doesn’t go on late at night I’m not bothered. I don’t mind people socialising and enjoying their lives especially since not so long ago we were forced not to see anyone.

Whaaaat?! People out enjoying their gardens, having a BBQ or socialising are trash?! If they were abusive, antisocial etc, I could understand, but just 😱 I mean unless you are used to living in a mansion with acres around you, rather than with the meet peasants, in which case it would obviously be a rather unusual situation for you.

This never used to be the norm OP but there is an ever growing sense of entitlement and disrespect I find, amongst some.

I suppose it’s all about how one was brought up really.

OP I sympathise. It certainly was not like this when I was younger (now in my 60s) and it is not like that in any other country I've lived in (several). I lived in the US for some time and if your dog was left barking outside for any length of time you got a visit from the police and a 100 USD fine on the spot. In Switzerland you are not allowed to even mow your lawn on a Sunday due to the noise. And in Netherlands and Germany it is considered antisocial to make noise in your garden that your neighbours can hear, or even in your house. I realise I am generalising and there will be exceptions anywhere, but I think that in most other countries there is much more awareness of causing annoyance to other people. I think people in England have got very selfish and the COVID lockdowns made it worse.

@TheGander

That’s not what @Bharath said.

It's a lack of manners OP. It winds me up that teenagers and even adults think nothing of playing their music out loud on their phones on the bus or trains. I've been to beauty spots where some thickos have brought along their massive stereo and the whole place feel like a leisure centre.

No one has hot tubs, outdoor bars or tv’s round me. Just the odd yapping dog.

If that's what Germany or the Nertherlands are like, it sounds like heaven @DrNo007 .

In a few other European countries they have laws that say that if you are noisy after 10pm or something like that, it's considered anti-social and the police can be called.

@KarmaStar It is cultural. There are some countries in Europe where between 10 - 8am approx, you are meant to hush up, and the police take noise more seriously than they do here.