Neighbours in their gardens, is it cultural?

[Marine59]

Hi guys I have moved to England and have really settled in very well and am enjoying myself and my job a lot. There's just one problem I am really struggling with and I want to know whether I need to get over myself because its a cultural difference or whether it's a real problem.

So in my country people are festive and I believe myself to be too! But where I live, it's rows and rows of houses with very small and cute gardens, maybe each garden is 20m2. And lots of the neighbours (mainly young ones from their voices) are what I consider to be disrespectful - music and television from inside at maximum volume with windows and doors open, going in their garden in big groups and speaking and laughing at maximum volume...

Of course I understand having a good time, but I'm used to people going out for this or doing it inside, and then when outside lowering their voices.

It means when you're outside in your garden you are basically like as if you were in their party. I don't mind noise of course, that's normal! For example my neighbours right next to me, they have barbecues and eat outside, but they really understand that our gardens are small so they bring their voices down just a tiny bit I can tell (in fact they apologised to me for their barking dog which I thought was so kind! It didn't bother me at all, it's just an animal).

I don't want to be a bitch and I'm just wondering whether I need to accept this and get over it because it's a cultural difference or whether this is considered bad practice? Is it normal? I think maybe it is because on my street I'd say I have heard maybe 4 different houses do things this way. What do you think?

Yes I think that's all quite astute.

Also I should be accepting because this city I am in I think has a big reputation for being a fun and very lively place so I should expect some noise. Yesterday I was being a little grumpy maybe

I assumed you were European from your posts - I've lived in the UK and now in a European city and yes it's louder in the UK - more drinking is part of it, but also louder volume, not always, but in summer there's a kind of madness that descends, shirts come off, the drinks start flowing and the music gets turned up.

Whereas here you might sunbathe outside or have friends over but you wouldn't typically get drunk in your own back garden or play loud music or raise your voice - that would be seen as selfish and a bit embarrassing/sad to be drunk. And people would tell you to lower the volume, whereas in the UK it's more likely people would simmer.

Depends on time, volume and frequency. But yes of course people can use their gardens talking at normal volume, also fine to play music just not too loud/late/often. Last weekend we were playing music and the neighbours were all shouting requests and told us to turn it up! Ended up with a block party!

We’ve had one day of rain (more like 3 hours in an afternoon) in about 6 weeks. We now have a hose pipe ban and my water butts are empty. It doesn’t piss down ‘most the time’ in all of the U.K.
Maybe that’s why my neighbours are more considerate though.

@Abracadabra12345 last year when everyone was complaining about the really hot heatwave that lasted for weeks I was jealous we had 3 days of about 35 degrees then rain. At the minute it has been glorious for about 2 weeks but yesterday back to being cold and grey again.

It's just people having fun and socialising in the sun on their property. We had 2 years where this was banned so people are making up for it now understandably. As long as you're not being attacked, insulted or offended in anyway, and it's at reasonable times (finished by around 10) then I don't see the problem really. Infact, dogs outside constantly barking without being corrected or let in is both annoying and concerning for me personally having a dog myself especially in this heat.

the days people can realistically sit outside are so few in the UK, you just need to put up with it. Unless it’s very unsociable like loud music at night

Exactly! Victorian terraces were built en mass for industrial or agricultural workers It's synonymous with living cheek by jowl with your neighbours without large gardens or space inbetween. It's hardly bragging The houses are one (small) room wide!

Do you live in north England too? Because here in the south it really isn't a short time, we've had sunshine for weeks with no let up in sight, just brief periods of rain perhaps which then clear

People generally say Victorian terrace so they are not confused with the modern terrace houses which often called town houses. These often have a larger front garden with parking space but are generally smaller in size than the old style.

I can only imagine people who have fairly reasonable neighbours can say this.

The second the days were warm enough to not freeze outside we would have thumping music blasting out from the moment they woke up (8am some days) to the early hours of the morning, week after week for months. Accompanied by screaming and swearing.

You will never be able to relax in your garden yourself, and on boiling nights you have to close your children’s windows to hopefully let them sleep and not listen to ‘you stupid cunt’ on repeat all night as they inevitably start to row drunkenly.

The hot tub, trampoline and tiki bar were relevant to my post, not because I was being snobby, but the sheer noise of these things combined in a small terraced garden, when used by obnoxious people constantly, is extremely antisocial.

And don’t worry about my dog 😊 she was only happy to oblige and had plenty of water, they could only cope with her for around two hours at the longest. It got noticeably shorter each time and I haven’t had to command her to bark once so far this year.

She has been well rewarded by our elderly neighbour who really appreciates the effect she’s had.

Said every generation from the first Neolithic community onwards...

Exactly as long as someone isn’t being offensive or leaving trash and debris everywhere it really is not an issue to hear the happy sounds of summer which last about 2 months max. Especially with all that’s going on in society with cost of living, coming out the pandemic etc…and I say that as someone who has no hot tubs or trampoline me or house parties lol

I’m happy to hear people having fun….needless barking from dogs not so much but thankfully the dogs that live next door to me are fairly quiet I’ve never heard them unless I’m walking past their front door ..either that or the internal wall soundproofing is good - bit of both probably.

Now I've learnt the phrase "terraced housing" 😁 I don't know of mine is victorian! This city has a lot of Georgian architecture but I'm not sure if that's what these houses are. My street looks like this:
https://cdn.yopa.co.uk/properties/343780/835e29c6c9f2a776c6306b0c9356e4ed83614f0d_thmb_md.jpg

I don't see binge drinking and horrible, ugly drunkenness in town centres in continental Europe.

Have you never been to Romania or Bulgaria?

I saw it all the time there and it was horrible.

Yanbu.
It's not cultural.
They are being selfish entitled ignorant idiots.
Welcome to England though,there are thousands of considerate people.
Maybe consider moving to a quieter home?if possible.Ask a local police officer for quieter areas.
I hope you continue to enjoy this country.

Yes that's typical of Victorian terraces.
Some will have a hallway some will have the front door opening straight into the front room. Not all have bay windows either.

Just be more considerate of neighbours

Tongue was firmly in cheek for that post. 🤣

Um no, I've never been to Romania or Bulgaria! No reason why not really, a bit off the beaten track in terms of holidays from the UK but I'm sure there are loads of reasons to visit either of those places!

I'm perfectly happy to believe you on that. Maybe I shouldn't make sweeping statements. In my own experience of mostly southern European countries, like France, Spain, Portugal, Greece, Malta, Cyprus, etc - I haven't witnessed locals getting hammered and making nuisances of themselves. I'm half Portuguese and I can tell you it's not part of the youth culture there. Going out and partying, definitely. Clubbing, yes. (though restaurant and bar culture still more of a thing than clubbing but then hey, most of my relations are my age and I maybe don't know people of clubbing age any more!) There's a more mature attitude towards alcohol there, people get used to social drinking with meals from a young age.

Clearly this is an issue that's a lot more complex than my brief post can represent and I'm sure it's the subject of a lot of academic research. UK may not be the only European nation with a massive alcohol-in-public issue, but it's still very much in contrast to countries further south, and I'm interested in why that might be.

It never used to be like this...years ago there was a certain amount of courtesy with regard to noise if you had neighbours, now there is not; loud conversations, trampolines at the boundary so that the parents aren't affected but neighbours have to put up with the screaming children and continual bouncing. Just the way it is now.

I think with the music and stuff it’s just advances in technology because people can play music loud in their garden with a wireless speaker. I personally find music and radio loud enough in gardens such that neighbours can hear anti social. Our neighbour who must be about 45 ish listens to the Harry Potter audiobooks out loud in the garden and I find it really frustrating!

I agree. It wouldn’t be socially acceptable where I live. Why not think of other people and not just of yourself.. Me me me.

‘Is it cultural’ is something I only ever see on here, with its undercurrents of they’re foreign aren’t they, with their weirdly, foreign ways.