Neighbours in their gardens, is it cultural?

[Marine59]

Hi guys I have moved to England and have really settled in very well and am enjoying myself and my job a lot. There's just one problem I am really struggling with and I want to know whether I need to get over myself because its a cultural difference or whether it's a real problem.

So in my country people are festive and I believe myself to be too! But where I live, it's rows and rows of houses with very small and cute gardens, maybe each garden is 20m2. And lots of the neighbours (mainly young ones from their voices) are what I consider to be disrespectful - music and television from inside at maximum volume with windows and doors open, going in their garden in big groups and speaking and laughing at maximum volume...

Of course I understand having a good time, but I'm used to people going out for this or doing it inside, and then when outside lowering their voices.

It means when you're outside in your garden you are basically like as if you were in their party. I don't mind noise of course, that's normal! For example my neighbours right next to me, they have barbecues and eat outside, but they really understand that our gardens are small so they bring their voices down just a tiny bit I can tell (in fact they apologised to me for their barking dog which I thought was so kind! It didn't bother me at all, it's just an animal).

I don't want to be a bitch and I'm just wondering whether I need to accept this and get over it because it's a cultural difference or whether this is considered bad practice? Is it normal? I think maybe it is because on my street I'd say I have heard maybe 4 different houses do things this way. What do you think?

Posh people's behaviour is not better. It just happens that if you have acres of gardens your neighbours hear less of your noise. Posh people in the UK are the worst when it comes to constant loud swearing and drinking, at least when they are among themselves in their own gardens. They are also more likely to have pools and pool parties. Not to mention all the noise from their beloved sit on mowers, which many ride constantly just for fun with a glass of G&T and a pipe. The main reason for noise pollution are densely packed British surburbian developments with private but tiny garden, giving the illusion and temptation of being within the grounds of one's own castle but actually being almost cheek to cheek with their neighbours.

Yes, good point. The UK is a small, densely populated country, and we're all jammed on top of one another – especially on the new estates. There ought to be much stricter laws on noise pollution. It ruins lives.

Yes, it's quite a recent thing for people to make quite so much noise in their gardens. For some reason the younger generations seem to think they have a God given right to do exactly as they please without recourse to anyone else's feelings or comfort. I grew up with garden parties happening but the noise level was always kept to chattering in normal voices and any children that got over excited to point of shrieking were soon told to keep the noise down or they'd have to go inside.

I dream of being in a detached house with no noisy neighbours and the only sound I hear is birdsong. People have no consideration for others these days alas it's all speak as loud as you can, play as loud, and music as loud. Even as a child me and my 4 siblings were taught to respect our neighbours. Laugh and enjoy ourselves when playing yes but screeching and screaming were things we just never did. This sadly seems to be the norm these days!

It's normal to enjoy your outdoor space - on occasion having people round for bbq's to enjoy it with you. It's normal too to want to sit in your garden reading in peace, or maintaining your garden quietly. To accommodate both, it's important people recognise 'their space' doesn't extend across the whole neighbour hood and people should not therefore inflict their entertainment on others ie don't shout out every word while reading your book, don't play your music so loud it can be heard across neighbouring gardens.

Kids yelling and screaming and dogs yapping and barking endlessly us not normal or acceptable. It's perfectly possible and normal to bring up children to respect the fact they have to behave appropriately whilst outdoors and keep yelling and screaming to the park or other open space.

A bit of respect for others goes a long way to making a neighbourhood a desirable place to live.

I think British people can sometimes be less mindful of how loud they are outside compared to those from other countries. I notice it when eating outside in restaurants. Those with French, Polish or Irish accents, for example, seem to instinctively lower their voices so as not to disturb others with their conversation but often the British almost seem to raise theirs. Nothing worse than having to hear strangers drone on in loud tones, almost showing off.

Normal people live in terraced houses (like yours). Upper class people would definitely NOT live in a terraced house 😂

You're unfamiliar with Edinburgh then. Or Bath.

I would say get used to it. Most Brits will make the most of any sunny dry days.

Totally disagree with this. I always think a lot of people are loud whichever country I'm in.

@pinkstripeycat @NatashaDancing nor London for that matter

I WFH and whilst I appreciate the quietness of our neighours (apart from the endless hedge cutting/lawn mowing) at times, I would love to have someone to chat to for a few minutes during my lunch hour to break the day up a bit. Vast majority of road inhabitants have retired whilst others are out at work, so it can feel a bit desolate. Like the idea of having more bohemian/artsy neighbours who would invite me for a glass of wine now and again and hopefully a bit of raucous laughing would ensue.

Pleasant enough but a bit stand-offish is how I would describe neighbours. It is like the reversal of the loud music/loud people thing. Prefer current set up to constant dog barking/footballs being kicked/loud music etc. so can't really complain.

Barely anyone has any consideration for those around them anymore.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t use your garden, but think of the impact you have on others. I used to live next door to a family that had all in sundry at all times in their garden, adults and children alike making horrific noise ( and smoking weed) balls continuously kicked into our garden… not just once or twice, lots and lots of times, breaking our lovingly cared for plants and flowers, which was devastating.

When our own children were growing up, we insisted they thought about the neighbours when they were outside.
But it’s not just gardens… it’s anywhere you go. Picnics on the beach, or in a forest or park, or just visiting places of natural or historical beauty etc- someone always turns up and spoils it for others.😔

jamdonut I haven't noticed people having less consideration nowadays.
I think it is very location dependant.
I live in a housing estate of 200 houses, and there is no antisocial noise.
The loudest thing you can hear on a summer evening is a lawnmower.
I have lived here 8 years and although there are dog owners around I have not seen a single piece of dog mess, nor can I recall any litter at all- not a single piece in that whole time. Local family friendly pubs, restaurant and cafes are all pretty quiet too, local play parks, athough busy don't seem to have disrespectful people in them.
Things were much rowdier and noisy when I was growing up in the 60s.
Gangs of teenagers, dog mess everywhere as many dogs were allowed to roam, shouting, broken glass everywhere, fighting, kids screaming. It was like the Wild West.

Yep - it's the posh ones on my FB who've gone whole hog for the outdoor cinemas in their hot tub by their garden bar shite - which is never going to be a quiet combo, and also the bifold doors to whack open any remotely nice day so the world gets to hear them watching Homes under the Hammer... but their houses are not as on top of each other as in our old street where the houses were densely packed and backed onto each other in close proximity so whatever you did you were going to get the noise from the gardens next to and backing onto you.

Since we moved and the garden sizes are quite dramatically larger - the garden noise is decreased so much - and lots of that is just because people are not as physically crammed close up to you - next door's patio is not right next to the fence which ours is next to so they're basically sat as near to you as another member of your own household any more - so things get reduced down a bit and it's a lot more bearable. The houses behind us are so far back from us that we barely notice noise from them at all now.

The reduction it's had in my stress levels is absolutely massive - in the old house I had to live in noise cancelling headphones at times to be able to relax at all - the pandemic and clapping for carers etc (became open air fully amplified concerts, honking of car horns right outside and the horror of lockdown discos) made me so absolutely sensitive to outdoor noise I couldn't control.

Terraced houses are approaching £2 million where I am. Gardens are small. The very wealthy might also live in flats with no garden at all.

Yes, as has been pointed out quite normal in cities like Edinburgh, Bath or London.

My observation as a foreigner . . . is there a part of the British psyche that just simply likes to everything under one roof?

Previously we lived on a block with quite a number of families and I remember getting quite a shock seeing huge pieces of play equipment in gardens, garden bars, massive outdoor pieces of furniture. To me, it was almost as though my neighbours never wanted to leave the house and needed everything one could possibly want within their own space.

Once, I asked one of my old neighbours who had a particularly impressive outdoor set up and he said to me that it's just not safe for kids to go to the park (it was quite a nice area, so I didn't understand this), so he wanted to kind of recreate the 'park' experience in the garden. I guess it is maybe the same with people having outdoor bars etc.

Sure, people socialise outdoors on the continent. Cooking outside was a big thing and everybody had BBQs. As a teen/young adult, however, if I wanted to meet friends, we'd go into the town. Any noisy, youthful letting off steam was done in the bars, or in an open area nearby.

No I don’t think so, most people I know have play equipment in their garden but we still go to the park. I think we just see our gardens as another room, so why not use them? Its nice for the kids to be able to play in the garden as well as the park.
Saying that during Covid a lot more garden bars etc were built and are probably still in use a lot now, I imagine that’s due to how expensive pubs are.

There is an element of thinking too since Lockdown as to how much some?/many? of us can relate to others since then. A noticeable number of us have been thrown out of a few of the social groups going (ie because the leader/s of those groups have made it plain they don't want us near them any longer - because we've had what I call "guess what ouch" that the Government wanted us all to have - ie those jabs) and are therefore more disillusioned than we were with other people generally (because of being penalised for making our own decisions for ourselves about that). A lot of us have been blackmailed by employers and/or family into having those jabs and some were even dismissed for not having done so and therefore ditto "more disillusioned with other people generally". I've been thrown out of a social group myself because the leader knew I hadnt been jabbed and I've had other people say the same to me about other groups (ie that they were thrown out). So - net result = we try and make our own homes nicer places to be than we might previously have done - as a "refuge from the world" that feels a lot more unkind than we thought it was.

Soz - can't see the "Edit" button. I mean a lot of us have NOT had that jab the Government wanted us all to have.

Crikey, we have 6 gardens backing on to us. Most are fine (although that's where the smokey BBQs are held), but the worst is a family of 4 who have their trampoline at the end of their garden, which is up the side of us. Continual screaming and screeching makes us have to close doors and windows even on a hot day. Heaven forbid they have their children making a noise nearer their own property.