Neighbours in their gardens, is it cultural?

[Marine59]

Hi guys I have moved to England and have really settled in very well and am enjoying myself and my job a lot. There's just one problem I am really struggling with and I want to know whether I need to get over myself because its a cultural difference or whether it's a real problem.

So in my country people are festive and I believe myself to be too! But where I live, it's rows and rows of houses with very small and cute gardens, maybe each garden is 20m2. And lots of the neighbours (mainly young ones from their voices) are what I consider to be disrespectful - music and television from inside at maximum volume with windows and doors open, going in their garden in big groups and speaking and laughing at maximum volume...

Of course I understand having a good time, but I'm used to people going out for this or doing it inside, and then when outside lowering their voices.

It means when you're outside in your garden you are basically like as if you were in their party. I don't mind noise of course, that's normal! For example my neighbours right next to me, they have barbecues and eat outside, but they really understand that our gardens are small so they bring their voices down just a tiny bit I can tell (in fact they apologised to me for their barking dog which I thought was so kind! It didn't bother me at all, it's just an animal).

I don't want to be a bitch and I'm just wondering whether I need to accept this and get over it because it's a cultural difference or whether this is considered bad practice? Is it normal? I think maybe it is because on my street I'd say I have heard maybe 4 different houses do things this way. What do you think?

It’s definitely worse in the last few years. Neighbour behind us p,Aus dull pop music e.g. Jess Glynne all afternoon and evening. Last summer he had a live singer for his 40th which was right next to where we had wanted to sit out to eat dinner. It was so, so loud. It didn’t occur to him to mention it to neighbours advance.
it seems to have coincided with people thinking it’s normal to FaceTime in public, have phones on speaker and show each loud videos.

It seems normal now.
It didn’t used to be. We lived in rows of London terraces and I was brought up in one and people kept it down in the garden.

Now they don’t and don’t care about anyone else
So many rude people brought up to feel they are entitled. It will get a lot worse, I can see it coming with current new entitled parental attitudes.

Generally speaking the more posh an area, the less likely that this would be a problem.

Brits are very loud. In general.

Good I’m glad don’t live in uk suburbia, from reading this thread. I live in a European city, moderate density 5/6 story appartement blocks all around, plus a small parc and a school directly opposite. There are at least 120 families / couples living just in our square around the parc. No one in our block has parties. And we don’t hear a peep from anyone tbh, not late. Sometime there are a few teens in the parc late at night, but they are pretty quiet. Very occasionally a party will spill out onto a balcony but it’s very rare.

People are entitled to use their gardens if they like. If the weather is nice people aren't going to sit inside, our summer lasts about 2 weeks, we've been outside lots the past 2 weeks enjoying eating outside etc. I think it's perfectly normal to enjoy having friends over, of course and they aren't going to be silent, as long as they aren't blasting music past 9pm I can't see the issue here.

No, not normal where I live -terraced housing in London with small gardens or yards. People may have barbecues and friends round, but no one would play loud music outside, and small children are told to lower their voices by their parents if they get too loud. It’s pretty peaceful.

gosh op, sorry to hear you've moved to a neighbourhood where people think they're allowed to use their gardens! thats a shame. perhaps you could go round to some of them and ask them why they're not behaving exactly like french people?

I’ve found France and Spain the same as the uk. If you have a garden and it’s nice you go outside or you have your windows open.
if someone is having a party they’re noisy. If they’re playing music it’s a reasonable volume. People are sometimes inconsiderate and often play their music louder.
Not cultural at all. You are from France not a million miles away. Anyone would’ve thought you were from the other side of the world. Cultural indeed 😂

I think the Covid lockdowns ingrained/exacerbated this habit. People couldn't go out except for exercise and couldn't socialise indoors for months on end, and so lots of people invested heavily in turning their gardens into an extra "room" for living essentially. Also wfh meant lots of people using their gardens as outdoor office space. And as lots of threads attest to, very few people are more inconsiderate than the (usually male) former office worker who wfhs now and thinks their BIG IMPORTANT JOB trumps everyday life around them. They'll hold al fresco conferences at the top of their voice for hours on hot days but start sighing loudly at the first splash of a neighbouring child in a paddling pool.

Jeez I’d rather listen to a garden party than to screaming kids out at 8am and in at 9pm. Honestly the sound of music would drown out the screams and crying of the kids next door to us .Be thankful OP

I really struggle with this. Most of the people on my street are just normal families and you can hear normal social sounds of adults and children outside, but I live next door to a man who is middle aged but behaves as if he is 20 - laddish gatherings every afternoon / evening, lots of weed smoking and beer and bellowing and raucous laughter. I really hate it is and it is affecting my mental health.

Interesting to hear that people think it's got worse. I used to live in London and I struggled with the noise; I was happy the first few years I lived here but this man next door moved in and he comes from London and he doesn't seem to have noticed that he is the only person around here who behaves like that. He smokes a lot of weed which makes people disinhibited and selfish. I wonder if the perception that english people are worse is to do with them drinking so much and constantly being either drunk or stoned.

This.
But many people are inconsiderate these days unfortunately.

😀

Environments have changed, and We are all living closer together these days, we hosted a barbecue on Saturday night we live on a quiet road, but still quite close to the next door neighbours, this was 4 adults and 4 children and a dog! We started about 2.30pm in the afternoon and finished about 10ish. Alexa is quite supersonic! We had Someone’s turning it down and someone turning it up and also putting the dot on the window sill with the window open! I suppose we only entertain a few times during the summer months but we are older! I guess the younger ones are renting flats and houses and it is cheaper to entertain at home than go out which makes sense.. I guess some owners have their Tvs outside for movie night in the sunshine! But I think you may just get used to it! It is difficult as you don’t want to be a moaning neighbour but I guess just being open minded and how much you can tolerate until it starts to get irritating!

Occasional late night party fine, enjoying your garden also fine. Summer doesn't last long.

I think manners and social etiquette have gone completely. I do wonder if it's a coincidence Trump and Boris with their arrogant not giving a shit about what people think of them were like this and that this has something to do with it? Just rude, loud, brash behaviour? It seems ubiquitous now.

Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have to listen to other people's music?

No, you're not if this is all happening at night. I have a neighbour who takes their karaoke machine out in to the garden at night and starts up, I know they know they're being unreasonable because it gets turned off at 11pm. The time that you're allowed to call the police on them, which must have happened to them in the past. They're so loud even with the doors and windows closed.

Hard to say if its normal, but if it is it shouldn"/ be. I agree, I think you should be considerate to your neighbours outdoors at any time. My neighbours have music blaring i ddors so its clearly audible if I'm in the garden, which I think is unacceptable. The other day they set up the smart speaker in the garden. It wasn't a party. Just wanted really loud music. So I had to go indoors. When the kids are playing at one end they shout from the other. I would walk down to them and speak to them in a quiet voice if it was me. The other day we were at the beach & had to listen to people's radios. People are just increasingly selfish.

This.

I was brought up to be considerate to other people around but it doesn’t seem to be a thing any more. I’m thankful I live in a quiet village these days as I am grumpy and old.

All our neighbours are pretty respectful, ocassional parties but we all keep it down in general

@ScruffyGrape

Karaoke machine, good god! You have my deepest sympathies.

Unfortunately it has normal in Britain to make as much noise as possible outside or on public transport. The see their garden as their castle and stuff everyone else, they will go outside but turn the tv so they can still hear it but then use the mobile to holler down because they can't hear the person on the other because the tv is too loud. Thank goodness my nearest neighbour is 1/4 a mile away.

Rather than a sudden decline in public morals, we might also consider that lockdowns and the cost of living crisis may have made people more likely to socialise in their gardens, and accordingly you're more likely to overhear them.

Can't say it happens much on my street though, and it's hardly upmarket.